Conquering the Sugar Demons
I posted this in NSV June, but I really wanted to share it with all of you. For me it is a huge accomplishment and the doorway to a new me. I am working on my bio and will get it posted soon.
My NSV started a while ago, but it is an ongoing thing so I wanted to share it with you all. I am a sugar freak, or at least I used to be. My whole life has been wrapped around sugar and the way it makes me feel, the super high ups and of course the crashing lows. It has been my friend and comfort for so many years that I don’t really remember when or where it started. Probably at birth, since my mom has told me that she used to use Caro syrup to cut evaporated milk for formula when I was an infant. I remember as a kid sneaking bags of chocolate chips up to my room to eat, and polishing off an entire bag in a day, to hiding candy around the house, not telling my husband or anyone about it. I would eat things when I wasn’t hungry and would continue to eat cake and cookies and such, even when my stomach hurt from the sugar. I could hold a candy bar in my hand and say “this is no good for you, put it back” and eat it anyway. I sometimes feel like it is a drug, but so hard to get away from it. How do you just stop eating? And artificial sweeteners are even worse for me. They drive me to eat more and crave more.
So after reading all that, you may ask – what is your NSV.
Well, first you have to know that almost every desk in our office has a candy bowl on it and in the finance department they have a table in the hall that always has snacks, candy, cakes, cookies and other assorted sugary things on it.
On May 15th, I walked passed that table and as I usually do and I grabbed a Kit Kat bar out of the bowl. I looked at it as I walked back to my desk, I even opened it at one end and then it happen, I said, as I have many times before “you don’t need this, put it back.” Well this time I didn’t put it back, but I did walk to my desk, sat down and wrote 5/15/09 on the back of the wrapper in black Sharpie and set it on my desk under my monitor and thought, “let’s see if I can leave it there until tomorrow. “ And here I sit today 06/24/09 and that Kit Kat bar is still sitting there under my monitor as a daily reminder of the progress I have made. That was also the last day I had a piece of candy.
And although I still indulge in an occasional cookie or small bowl of ice cream, sugar is beginning to lose its grip on me, and that feeling is indescribable.
The Journey is long, but I will take it one day at a time and soon enough I will be there.