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why did this comment hurt so much?

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Old 06-10-2009, 10:07 PM   #1
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Hi,

I haven't been around here for a long time, but hope to get my act together soon and try to start losing weight again.

I was in the ladies room at Barnes and Noble today, and when I was washing my hands, a mom with her two young children (around four years old) were doing the same. I heard one of the kids say to her mom "she has a big behind." The mother said something softly, but I think it was "you're not being nice."

I pretended not to hear any of it, but it really hurt my feelings. I know the comment came out of an innocent child's mouth and she didn't mean anything and was making an observation (which unfortunately is correct..sigh). The mother was about a size two, so ANYONE would look big compared to her, honestly.

I can't get that comment out of my mind! I'm not sure what my point is in posting, but I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone in real life what happened.

Thanks for listening-
Sherry
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Old 06-10-2009, 10:13 PM   #2
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People will say rude things. be glad it was a young child who didn't know any better.
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Old 06-10-2009, 10:19 PM   #3
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kids call em as they see it.... They mean no harm my kids have also done this before. Its very embarrassing as a parent as well. However that being said...
This could be divine intervention maybe this is a boost you need to get back on track to what your goals were/are!!! Dont look at the bad side of it.... use it as a motivator...

The other part is sadly a kid wont look at you when you lose the weight you want and say... That lady has a small bum. It would be nice lol Id like to hear it too but.. you know... Good luck and I hope you can use this for positive things!!! Chin up... We all get big in the behind at one point or another I was big in the behind too!!!!
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Old 06-10-2009, 10:20 PM   #4
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meh, it hurts cuz you're letting it hurt you. Duh, you have a big butt. You're going to lose weight. You won't have as big a butt. Problem solved, yes? LOL kids say the darndest things!
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Old 06-10-2009, 10:23 PM   #5
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I blame bad breeding
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Old 06-10-2009, 10:35 PM   #6
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Mean comments hurt because they can make us feel less than comfortable in our skin. But really, children just say what they think and that same child might have thought a size 8 person had a large butt if his/her mother was a size 2.
Don't let it hurt you. Try to put the energy you are spending on thinking of it, into something positive. For example, "I may have a large butt now, but this time next year, I will be a hot little number." Or something such as that.
Be a duck and let those comments roll off your back like water. You can even quack if it is empowering for you!
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Old 06-10-2009, 10:39 PM   #7
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Sounds like the parent hasn't taught the kids some manners yet... and it hurts because as someone said kids call it as they see it., hopefully it was innocent and the kids didn't learn to make mean comments about people so early.
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Old 06-10-2009, 10:40 PM   #8
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I agree with Dria... kids are more likely to point out the obvious. Kids don't have built in sensitivity filters. I remember seeing someone with darker skin for the first time and asking my mom why her skin was dirty. I'm sure I didn't take her in private and ask either, I'm sure I asked right in front of the girl.

That said.. take that painful comment and use it as motivation. I was mistaken for pregnant five times in about a year... obviously, I must've had some nice round gut but still. Every time it hurt. But I have been working my, well, "pregnant belly" off and lost 5 inches from my waist. Every inch down I think it's less and less likely I'll ever hear that comment again.... though with celebrity pregnancy obsession, the tiniest bump is now PREGNANT. But you get what I'm saying?
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Old 06-10-2009, 10:43 PM   #9
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At least it wasn't your mother-in-law. Mine makes comments about my weight EVERY time she sees me. (We live 10 minutes away, but we're not fans of each other so we see each other maybe once or twice a month) and it was snarky remarks and now it's how "Healthy" I look. Did I look so horribly unhealthy before? Backhanded comments are very annoying.

I am kind of bad about letting things get to me, especially about my weight and I hope you let this go, even if it does take some time. You're doing the right thing taking care of it! Good luck, From a fellow ample caboose (and my tummy looks like I'm a few months along!)
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Old 06-10-2009, 10:46 PM   #10
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I dont know if its so much not learning manners.Those of us that have children know that it takes many more years than 4 to teach them everything they need to know.I have 3 teenage boys and they are still learning!LOL.It sounds like the mother did the appropriate thing.I would guess they discussed it further in private.That being said in defense of an innocent 4 year old, I am sorry your are hurt.I do understand though.It was a similar comment from my own child in mommy and me swimming that motivated me to loose the baby weight. Kids do say the darndest things, usually with an element of truth.
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Old 06-10-2009, 10:59 PM   #11
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I once had a kid as me if I was pregnant....I wasn't...
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Old 06-10-2009, 11:02 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by digitalrequiem View Post
I once had a kid as me if I was pregnant....I wasn't...
Me too. It was one of those days I already felt hideous, too.
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Old 06-10-2009, 11:29 PM   #13
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Unfortunately it's not just kids that say the most disheartening things. Adults do it too. Even your own family. Fortunately, I've learned to just let it roll right off my back.
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Old 06-10-2009, 11:35 PM   #14
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My adoptive mom who falls in the super morbidly obese category uses questions from kids as teaching opportunities.
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Old 06-11-2009, 12:17 AM   #15
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It does hurt (the ego I think?) when kids made comments, but yeah, I have five kids and I really did teach them manners but sometimes they just don't think. Or they don't get that a comment might hurt. The child was probably just observing. And that's what hurts I think. When I get a comment like that I feel bad about myself for letting myself get so big, but since we are doing something to change our health and become our own vision of health, the bad feelings dont need to stick around for long.
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