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The Self-Distruct Button has been engaged...

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Old 06-04-2009, 04:29 AM   #1
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Default The Self-Distruct Button has been engaged...

I don't know if I am supposed to post this here to this forum. If I posted it wrong, please feel free to delete and tell me.

I have been on this site for awhile and have read alot of what people have written. Most people come here if something major happens in their life and has to do with their weight. Something has happened to me recently and I need some support from other who might understand what I am going through.

ok, here we go...

Three weeks ago I made a trip to California where I thought that I was at last going to meet the love of my life. Me and this guy have been talking for 2 years and never met in person because of situations in both our lives. I found out I was to make a trip there (for different reasons) and immediately told him. We were both elated! We were so excited, planning outings, what we were going to do, how much fun we were going to have, how in love we were. It couldn't have been better.

So I get there and he picks me up. I was so happy. In the car he kept telling me how much he loved me and how he couldn't wait til I moved there.
I decided to make my trip 2 days earlier than planned so we could have some time together before I had to go do what my trip was intended for originally. So we found a beautiful hotel where we were going to spend the weekend.

Things could not have been more perfect! We were intimate, had dinner, talked, etc.
Then....He started acting weird.
Ut oh, I know what that means...

To make a long story short. He goes on to tell me how naive I am, belittles me and tells me that he is not attracted to me. I couldn't believe my ears. This man knew how I looked, sounded, acted, everything. He saw photos, videos, every means possible and he said he was in love with me because of who I am. Obviously that wasn't the case.

He left the hotel that night and never came back leaving me stranded, 2 hours away from my next destination, no idea where I am, having to fend for myself. All because he wasn't attracted to me physically.

If the mind and person not enough anymore?

Now I am depressed and realize how much I need to lose weight because I don't feel worth anything much less able to attract a partner.

Im sorry to ramble but I needed to get it out and hopfully reach someone who knows what Im going through.

Thank you for listening!

"When we press on, there is joy at the end."

One for every 5 pound loss:
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Old 06-04-2009, 04:41 AM   #2
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It's very, very late so I hope you will forgive me if I keep this short....but you did not in any way deserve what he did to you. You do not even need to lose weight because of it.
You do not.
Your weight is not the problem here. He was a strange man. A very strange man with problems--and you got caught in the middle of his neurosis.

You are OK--you are a loveable, wonderful human being.

If you want to take some weight off, go ahead. But you don't have to because of this jerk.
my weight loss blog: http://mypsychemysoma.blogspot.com/

"Your best weight is whatever weight you reach, when you're living the healthiest life you actually enjoy." Yoni Freedhoff
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Old 06-04-2009, 04:44 AM   #3
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Well clearly the man's an arse.
And one of those people who somehow think that people they communicate with electronically are not real people whose lives they're messing with. What a sub-human.
I know it's hard to hear but honestly, it's not you it's him. As you say, he knew what you look like, he just couldn't cope with the reality. NOT the reality of you but the reality of reality.

Obviously, I don't know how you came to meet in the first place but forgive me if I suggest that you need to be very, very careful of your own safety in the future. It is so easy, if we think we're overweight - unattractive - whatever (sorry if those are just my hang ups) to fall for someone's spiel/lies/dodgy behaviour. You sound a great, loving person and deserve better.

And congratulations on the 12lbs and the 2 cheering smileys!

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Old 06-04-2009, 04:46 AM   #4
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I'm really sorry this happened to you. I don't have experience in your particular situation, but I can tell you that he's the one with the problem, not you. Regardless of whether he felt physically attracted to you in person, he had absolutely no reason to treat you so badly. The problem is that he is an ***. It has nothing to do with your weight or your value as a person.

You are worthy of being loved for exactly who you are. And for a good man, who you are is far more important than what you look like or what you weight. In this I have experience. I met my husband online in 1996. I weighed about 250. He was about 140. I was afraid to meet him when we finally met in person. He had seen a picture of me from the shoulders up, but that was it. But he loved me and didn't care what I looked like. He says I am beautiful to him no matter what I weigh. There are men like that out there. This I know for sure. I've been married to one for 10 years.

I know it is hard and you are hurting a lot right now. But don't give up. Not all men are like that. What happened to you was awful, but remember it tells you nothing about you, only about him. You are worthy of being loved for who you are. He isn't worthy of you.
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Old 06-04-2009, 04:54 AM   #5
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Thank you ladies so much. Ever since I got back I have been trying on a daily basis to not let what he did ruin me and my out-look but it is so hard.

I appreciate the kind words! Thank you again.

"When we press on, there is joy at the end."

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Old 06-04-2009, 05:03 AM   #6
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Hi, I don't usually post on this part of the forums but I just read what happened.
I agree with what everyone said. This person has something really messed up going on in his head for him to be talking to a person for 2 years, telling them he loves them, and then suddenly not only informing them that it is a lie but proceeding to act like as much of an ******* as he can. Serious headcase.
Don't let this get you down even if it is painful, don't analyze yourself over it.

Some people are just jerks and unfortunately sometimes one finds themselves crossing paths with some real ones like this guy, and it isn't your fault.
He just used your being overweight as a quick excuse and a way to dehumanize you. If he truly loved you, I mean, it goes without saying really that he wouldn't have done what he did. And also, if he has seen your pictures and videos, etc for the past two years, and he felt like the weight was the only problem... well if he was truly a good person he would have found a way to address it without leading you on.. Either way, physical hangups aren't usually dealbreakers when you're in love with someone anyway.. So obviously, this guy was just an *******. A real true ***.
I don't know why we have to deal with so many of them, but you can't let him tear yourself down!
Your weight does not make you immune to real love, so don't let yourself think that "If I was thin, this wouldn't happen!" or something along the lines of that, because even if you were, he would have found some other way to beat you down. It wouldn't have made a difference on who he is as a person, especially in relation to you.

I met my current boyfriend online and when I met him, I was almost 200 lbs and had terrible fashion sense (and I mean terrible!), but that never got in the way of things.. and we've been together for 5 years, he has seen my weight go way down and back up. There are people who will love you as you are and support you if you want to lose weight but still love you if you gain.

It is painful, I'm sure, but focus on yourself and making yourself happy and don't worry about this jerk!
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Old 06-04-2009, 05:08 AM   #7
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He left the hotel that night and never came back leaving me stranded, 2 hours away from my next destination, no idea where I am, having to fend for myself. All because he wasn't attracted to me physically.

No... I don't think that was it. If he saw pics and videos of you before, he could have told you in advance and saved you both the trouble. I'm not sure what his game was, but it had a lot less to do with your weight and more to do with the fact that he was obviously a jerk.

I am very sorry that you went through this! But you know, you are taking positive steps to improve your weight situation. You can change your weight, but inner ugliness like he displayed tends to stick around a lot longer.

And just keep in mind that this situation wasn't about your weight... plenty of girls have gone through similar situations... just because they just happened to hit the loser jackpot, like I have in the past. I've had men use me and leave me like garbage even when I was thin, I've had a man suddenly belittle me and dump me and say he never wanted to be my boyfriend in the first place, was just using me for sex and now he'd upgraded to another girl! It had nothing to do with my appearance and more to do with the fact that he was a user and a parasite!

Consider it good riddance. You can be a strong, beautiful, powerful, confident woman, regardless of your weight, and don't let this guy be a dark cloud over your life ever! He's not worth the energy it takes to be depressed over it, really. Would you get depressed over a bunch of scum on a pond? Well, no, of course not. And I don't think he's that much higher on the food chain. Do not allow him to bring down your own sense of self-worth, you obviously have much more integrity and honesty than he did, and you DESERVE BETTER than what he offered you. Never, ever think you "deserved" to be treated like that, because you did not!
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Old 06-04-2009, 05:15 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by cb1 View Post
he was a user and a parasite!
I like that!

"When we press on, there is joy at the end."

One for every 5 pound loss:
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Old 06-04-2009, 06:14 AM   #9
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As everyone else has said he's a jerk. Be glad you found that out now - what kind of person would leave you stranded like that. he saw your photos so blaming your weight for his behaviour isn't acceptable.

Well done on your weight loss - don't let an idiot like him ruin your life. I am sure you will find someone good enough for you which he clearly wasn't. He was the problem not you or anything about you
By the end of May????

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Old 06-04-2009, 07:26 AM   #10
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Dear Inkabetty! I'm so glad you are OK. A lot of people are playing games out there... You are probably only one of many women that he is stringing along, given how it turned out.

Lesson learned, I hope--which is, always always have a back-up plan. This person is someone that, even though you thought you knew him, you didn't really know. You have to think of your own safety in these situations, regardless of your weight.

"My religion is kindness." --His Holiness the Dalai Lama

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Old 06-04-2009, 07:38 AM   #11
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Well, I guess we can be thankful he wasn't a total nutter and didn't beat you up or something worse!

There are lots of women on this board who have significant others who find them attractive regardless of their weight. This man was a total loser. A decent person would not have left you stranded no matter how he felt about your body. Even if you're not attracted to someone, you treat the person with courtesy and respect, and let them down gently. Just be thankful that he showed his true colors right off the bat and spared you further heartbreak. You're well off to be rid of him.
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Old 06-04-2009, 08:22 AM   #12
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I am so sorry that he turned out to be such a jerk! You didn't deserve this. It is perfectly normal to feel depressed right now. Give yourself time to work through this, then pick yourself back up and keep going! Lose weight for you and not for some guy. You deserve to be healthy and to feel great.
- Rhonda

"Live the life you've always imagined." Henry David Thoreau

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Old 06-04-2009, 08:34 AM   #13
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I'm so sorry. What a horrible thing to go through. And it must be particularly hard to find out that someone is so incredibly unworthy of you (or any relationship!) after two years of hoping and dreaming and making him part of your life.

I read somewhere that you have to mourn losing the relationship you wanted to have with him. So cry, scream, and be kind to yourself.

Or you could give us his address, and we'll go round to his place and sort him out for you. There's some pretty fit types on this forum that do kickboxing and the like - and the rest of us can sit on him. Squish.

Oh, here's the bandwagon, right where I left it
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Old 06-04-2009, 08:41 AM   #14
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I'm sorry this happened to you, but consider yourself lucky that something much worse didn't happen. It could be a blessing that this jerk left and didn't say another word. Your great, don't let that ******* make you feel less than human. A real man doesn't care about weight, believe me, I've had more than my fair share at 250lbs! You are valuable, wanted, and loved no matter what that idiot did or said! Pick up the pieces and move on with your life, love will find you! A few videos that I think you should see......




The past is over, now let's get it!
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Old 06-04-2009, 09:26 AM   #15
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I am really very sorry that this happend to you.

In the grand scheme of things I think you are very lucky he just up and left, he sounds like a very scarey person.

You do not need to lose weight for anyone.....you do what makes YOU happy and healthy and do not worry about what any man thinks. If he thinks badly then he is just not worth your time.
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