As you know, I am travelling and visiting my perogie-loving, cabbage-roll making, and chocolate-chiffon-eating parents for the week. So to keep motivated, I thought I'd go shopping at the main center downtown.
I wound up in a swish store, and thought I'd try on a size 14 dress, just to see if it fit and to motivate me to work really hard not to pig out on this trip. The dress was beautiful -- orange, fitted waist, designer, outrageously expensive -- completely out of my comfort zone. So I tried it on.
I slipped this $500 dress over my head, and zipped up the side zipper. Well, I had to contort my left arm to get the zipper, and in the process, my underarm flab FLOPPED over and GOT CAUGHT. Yup, I literally zippered my ARM right into the DRESS. Now, you see guys do this with their flys all the time in movies and you think that this is hilarious. And it IS. And you never think that you could zip part of yourself into a zipper. But there I am, STUCK, with my UNDERARM FLABBLE IN and I mean IN
the ZIPPER. So I pull on the zipper outwards, and my arm flabble FOLLOWS. I am TRULY. STUCK. So I try to zip UP (because I didn't know if I caught my flabble while zipping up OR if I caught it on a down-zip when trying to close it) and it just catches MORE FLABBLE!!!!
SO, being brave, I count to THREE and YANK DOWN HARD on the zipper. It comes free, along with a chunk of my skin! And, MAN did it HURT. So I look down, and I am now BLEEDING all into the armpit of this dress!!!!!!
I struggle OUT of the dress, keeping one finger on my bleeding pock mark so as not to further damage this beautiful dress, and I had no IDEA what to do.
So I changed, and went out and hung the dress back on the rack and ran out of the store.
I didn't know WHAT to do -- I didn't want to tell the sales staff ("um, I was trying on a dress out of curiosity and I zipped my flabble into the zipper and had to pull really hard and now there's blood all over your designer dress...sorry...") and I couldn't afford to buy it! What was I THINKING???
Y'all have every right to call me out on this one...sigh...