I know there haven't been many posts here in a while, but I have to say Thankyou for this!!! This is the exact reason I've "failed" at diets in the past (I use the word failed because while it was always a learning experience in what I do and don't like, can and can't stick to, etc, I still put the weight back on... with interest). Two things are different for me this time:
1. I'm not dieting, because I hate rules. Diets make me eat cake and loads of it. Intuitive eating works best for me. I realise now that there's no ultimate diet that works for everyone, it's all about trusting and believing in what works for you. And I can finally say that I trust myself enough now to know what works best for me, which brings me to...
2. I love myself now! The past 3 years, I went up from about a steady 180 that I'd been throughout my 20s, due to reasons like being made redundant in 2008, nearly having my house repossessed, losing my next job following a mental breakdown, a sucky experience with antidepressants, losing my next job through unfair dismissal, having my period for 9 months following the depo shot, family problems, panic attacks, an ex-friend being a psycho and leaving me in a lot of debt, etc etc etc. If all this had happened to a friend, I'd be appauled. But since it happened to me, I hated myself. So. I forgot about weight loss. I was still uncomfortable with myself (still am) but I decided to forget the crazy pressure I was putting on myself. I thought long and hard about what I want out of life. I drew lines with people in my life who were taking advantage and decided not to be a victim of circumstance any more. I saw a therapist. I thought some more. I got to the point at the end of last year where I came across intuitive eating quite by accident. I let it get into my head, I ate whatever I wanted (I binged a lot) and I was mindful of how that made me feel. I admitted I had an overeating problem. But most importantly: I looked at my body and I felt so sorry for how I'd treated it. I hoped it would still respond in a healthy way when I started treating it better. I cut down on sugar as I noticed my hunger signal was all over the place. I hated the heartburn. I hated my lungs burning if I ran 20 feet for the bus. I became mindful of everything and I still feel so sorry for what I subjected my body to. But... I started losing weight! I walk most days. I feel fitter. I can run a short distance if I need to, and I don't feel sick, weak or out of breath.
So in the end, yes, I DO want to wear that Herve Leger bodycon dress and look fantastic. But I still want it to fit in 10 years. This is what's different: self-respect.
Sorry that was so long, this thread inspired me into a cathartic rant. I'm frustrated that I still don't like what I see in the mirror, but this is the perfect reminder of why my patience will be worth it!
