I just moved back to CA from Las Vegas. I moved away from here 6 years ago and lost touch with most of my friends. I don't know anyone out here anymore and it's really starting to drag me down. Ok, that's partially a lie, I do know some people out here but am so ashamed by the weight I have put on I don't want them to see me. A friend of mine emailed me some old photos of us that we took a couple years ago when we spent a weekend together, wow, nothin like some old photos to show you just how much weight you really have gained. All it did was make me feel even worse about myself. I feel like I am just hiding myself away in my house, I don't like going anywhere. None of my clothes fit anymore so just getting dressed makes me depressed. I feel like being this way is not fair to my boyfriend who wants to go out and do things together and I always have excuses for us to just stay home. The only diet that has ever seemed to do anything for me is to cut out carbs and sugar because I am insulin resistant, why is it so hard to do? It's like there is someone standing in front of me saying pick one, your life or a potato and I can't make a decision?? I don't understand it, I know I am killing myself and I know I need to change my life and I just can't seem to do it. I feel like I don't have anyone in my life that really understands what I am going through and it makes me feel like nobody really cares. I miss having my close circle of friends for support, but I haven't had that for years, I feel like I have been slowly closing myself off and now that I don't want to do that anymore, there is nobody left. And meeting new people when you don't like leaving the house and feel so uncomfortable in your own skin is a hard thing to do. I just feel lost and alone
Hey there folw.....I know exactly where you are. Lost and alone...I know all too well..But here you are in a very supportive environment that will nurture you and support you back to where you need to be for you..I would tell you my story, but right now I am so tired, I can't type it all....There are people here who know just what you're going through and if you just look around, you will find them. Some of them will come here and tell you all about themselves. Just know there are people who understand...
I really understand. I haven't seen any of my pre-2004 friends in more than 4 years because I was ashamed of all the weight I (re)gained. I also totally understand about the carbs. I'm completely addicted to carbs, particularly birthday cake (icing), reese's cups, french fries, hush puppies...stuff like that. We are all different but, finally, at the age of 39, I have learned I am one of those people who cannot, absolutely CANNOT, have this stuff in moderation. I cannot have it at all. It's like if I were an alcoholic and just wanted to have one drink. Can't do it. So I will never, ever, EVER have it again. I'm on Atkins. It's working for me.
I know what you mean. I moved a few years ago for a job to a town where I did not know any people. I was at my highest wieght by the time I left this job. I went to work and then went home to my studio apartment. I ate a lot of junk and my wieght climbed. I hated my job. I tried going out and trying new things to meet people but I found it very difficult to get started. I quit my job and moved to a city where I have family and a job I enjoy most of the time. I lost about 20 pounds and find it much easier to shop for clothing even at 260 pounds on a 5' 2" frame compared to 280+ pounds.
You mentioned a boyfriend who was suggesting outings. Where does he want to go? You might try to take baby steps and find places the two of you can go where you do not have to dress up if clothing is an issue. If mobility is a problem maybe try to find outings that do not require to much walking. Maybe the movies if you are in a big city there are theaters that have arms between the sets that go up if you are worried about the size of the seats. Maybe go for a drive with the boyfriend and watch the sun set or the drive in theater. That way you get out but you are still safe in your car. What type of things did you used to enjoy doing? Do you have mobillity issues or pain? Do you work outside of your home?
Anyway, I do understand and I would send you hugs but I do not know how to do all the fancy faces and stuff in a post.
I totally understand where you're coming from. I don't even want to go out for occasional drinks with co-workers (who know what I look like, obviously) because it's just too much of a pain to try and look good and not really feel like you do. And I've also becoming really used to just staying home and not going anywhere that really involves looking good. So I skip having a life and go home and eat.
i am so with you-since 2005 i havent seen any of my friends from dfw area because i am so ashamed of the weight i have put on..it really bugs my husband because i hate to go anywhere..luckily things did get a little better when i moved here because i didnt know anyone-but the best advice i can give you is that if they are true friends, they will not judge you because of the weight you have gained-and might even help to motivate you to lose-hope that helps
Nice to see you again! I understand how you feel. I have a bad habit of isolating myself from friends and family when things aren't going well, which ends up just making things worse. I am shy and have a hard time getting out there and making new friends. I make friends easily but just don't get out there and do it because I don't feel I am worth it, especially due to my weight.
I could ramble on and on with boring details, but I just want to let you know that you are not alone in feeling alone. But in the end you are the one who needs to get out there and take the steps to get back in contact with your old friends or make new ones. It may seem overwhelming, but if you take baby steps you might find that it's not so bad after all and that there are many kind, supportive people out there waiting for you to find them!
Yes, all the time ... I'm trying to get out there more and realize that part of the reason I don't have friends is because when I was so overweight, I avoided social situations AT ALL COSTS.
awwwww you have US!!! we're always around and you can chat with us in jammies if you want Seriously tho -- you know in your heart of hearts that friends, REAL friends, could give a F**K if you're fat/thin/blue/green (sorry for the swear but I REALLY MEAN IT)!!! We put all this pressure on ourselves and assign our OWN feelings to other people -- if we feel disgusted by our weight gain, we assume others are -- but that's not the case. If there's anything I've learned in 40 odd years it's that most people just don't care what we do LOL they've got their own lives to lead. I'm sure your friends would want to be around YOU and laugh and talk; they'll be happy to be with you and not care what you look like. And on the off chance they DO care, well at least you know who your real friends are!! don't lose hope IT'S NEVER TO LATE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN YOUR LIFE
Location: Northeastern Ohio But my heart belongs to Canada.
Posts: 369
S/C/G: 290/See Ticker/150
Height: 5ft 4 inches
I am sorry you are down. There seems to be a lot of that going around lately.
After I had my oldest son, I gained a lot of weight. I had a new baby, none of my friends had kids, none of my husband's friends had kids. So, while he was still going out with the gang on Saturdays. I was home with the baby. I got more and more isolated, my trips out with the gang became almost non-exsistant and while my DH had the good sense not to come out and directly say he was embarrassed of the weight I gained. It was implied. I used to be the "hottie" of the group. His friends used to tell him all the time he was lucky I ever gave him the time of day....(I know I sound full of myself. Sorry.)
Now.....yeah. Not so much.
My friends have moved on and I really don't fit in with the soccer moms where we live. So if it weren't for my online friends, I would be very lost. There are times I really dread going places. Believe it or not, family functions are the worst. I will not allow myself to be photographed. I do not have ONE family picture in my house of all 6 of us. I don't even have one with me and my boys. I've just been too disgusted.
That changes this Christmas. What if something happened to me? The last pictures of me were at my wedding! My boys might forget me. I can't hide forever. I've got to LIVE. What is the point of being alive if you are just going to hide. As hard as it is, we all owe it to ourselves to live life NOW and not put off living until we hit goal weight.
Thank you so much for all your kind words, it helps to know I am not alone in this and that we all go through these times. I know myself and usually I will go through a down period for a few days but when I come out of it, I come out of it more motivated to get things done. So I will keep my fingers crossed that this time is the same. As far as having mobility/pain issues, that's not a problem for me at all. My weight is around 289 right now but I am a size 18/20, I gain weight pretty evenly except for my pregnant-esque belly which is my biggest problem when it comes to clothes. Why is it they make clothes for big girls that cling to every ripple?
DCHound, I feel ya, I think I am going to have to be the same way and just finally come to realize that I can't have the things I am used to eating. I have always heard that if you have an addiction, you just replace one thing with another, well I was an alcoholic all through high school and it didn't really stop till I hit 21 (wasn't fun when it was legal I guess). Since then it has always been something. There has been times I replaced it with better things but right now I think it's food and that embarrassing to me that the thing that makes me happy in life is food? I guess I just need to find something else to replace it with, why can't that be the treadmill? lol
I think part of my problem is that we have had a rough year and I have been out of work for almost a year now, that was a big part of our move because we lost our home in Vegas. On top of that my boyfriend is a firefighter and is gone at work for 3-4 days at a time and I am here by myself and I think that just adds to my feelings of isolation. I am planning on picking up my camera again soon, my passion is photography and I haven't used my camera in over a year. I am planning to sign up for some workshops and group shoots that I have found to help meet people with like interests, it's just actually getting my courage up to do it.
Oh and irishsara, you don't sound full of yourself at all, I totally understand. I was always the pretty girl of my group of friends, I was the life of the party. I used to pride myself on the fact that I never had to pay to get into a club or buy my own drinks...lol..that's horrible to admit that I liked that so much. So I understand what it feels like to go from hottie to nottie and feel like when I do go out, people avoid my gaze when they used to be very interested and attentive. It's amazing in our society that you always hear about how over weight our population is and people still treat us like we are a lower life form or something. And where are all these people because when I go anywhere, I don't see them, all I see are the beautiful people One day, I will be one of them again!
So I understand what it feels like to go from hottie to nottie and feel like when I do go out, people avoid my gaze when they used to be very interested and attentive. It's amazing in our society that you always hear about how over weight our population is and people still treat us like we are a lower life form or something. And where are all these people because when I go anywhere, I don't see them, all I see are the beautiful people One day, I will be one of them again!
Boy oh boy do I know this one....Reading that brought tears to my eyes..... a few days ago, I felt so ugly and fat, like no matter what no one would want me...but I changed my focus and I am going to be one of them..one of the hot ones again...
I truly do feel your pain. I would *really* recommend seeing a therapist. Just someone to talk to, share all this with and they can really help you see what's blocking you from making the right choices.
Also, maybe send your friend a note and say that you would love to get together but put on weight and are down about that. If she's worth anything she will encourage you.
It's hard but getting out can make us feel better. If you aren't clinically depressed sometimes it just takes a shove. If you do have clinical depression see your doc. She can help you sort it out as well as a therapist.
If i was closer i would invite you out for a low-fat coffee treat and gossip
Make friends here and you will see how the women (and men) here just GO. They do NOT let size stop them. And that seems to help them in their quest to get healthy. They are inspiring me daily.
does anyone else ever feel really alone?
