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Keeping it private or shouting it aloud?

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Old 03-03-2009, 11:28 AM   #1
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Following a thought on the 'Are you sick?' thread:

personally, I get a big kick out of not telling friends and family that I'm dieting. Last time I had lost 50lbs before anyone commented!!!!
Lots of reasons:
my fat is a distancing mechanism ~ I'll let people know if I'm ready for them to come closer
say you're on a diet, and the whole world asks constantly how you're doing; or tries to 'tempt' you; or, if, like me, you prefer calorie counting, which means you can basically eat what you like, while making healthy choices, when you are seen eating your 1 cookie a week treat, or whatever, people feel they have the right to castigate you.

Thinking deeper thoughts now:
although my parents loved me very much (I presume, we're non-demonstrative) my mother was so intrusive into every thing I did and thought - and ate! - that I have big, big issues about letting people get close now. I've been told by a counsellor that, however well-meant it was, it Was emotional abuse I suffered. It has certainly screwed me up! Apologies to those who have had far more abusive lives than that.

also, my current job is very vulnerable-making - I'm on 24/7 call (minister of religion) and on the end of a huge weight of hopes and dreams and expectations.

So what occurred to me was the phrase, 'It looks like I chose to be fat because it was the only thing I could control' and that hit me with a thud - because how many times have I heard documentaries about people suffering from anorexia nervosa, who say that their eating issues were less about weight loss and more about controlling the only thing they could control?

Excuse the long post, I just suddenly feel a bit ulp, realizing that I've narrowed my control down to choosing to be fat. hm. idea needs work.

ps: when I say 'not telling anyone' - clearly I don't mean not posting!
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Old 03-03-2009, 11:32 AM   #2
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i can totally understand.

for me, my weight loss is public in the way that i blog about it, am on here and go to my classes where everyone is doing the same thing. hubby and my parents know but no one else.

if people ask i'll tell them. if they notice i've lost weight that's great and recently a few people have said adni've said "yeah well it's cos of....". they know i've been dancing and karate but that was it.

it's for me to lose weight and for me that i'm doing it so i'm not bothered if others know really. in some ways i like to keep it private and wait for people to notice.
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Old 03-03-2009, 11:32 AM   #3
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btw, how's giving up weighing for lent going?
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Old 03-03-2009, 11:33 AM   #4
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I keep my weight loss private. I dont want people judging me. And if they notice, they notice. If they dont, they dont. Because Im TRYING for me.....and I dont want anybodys opinion, unless its from 3 fat chicks. That is that...(for me)
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Old 03-03-2009, 11:40 AM   #5
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At first I definitely wanted to keep it private. I had failed so many times that I did not want people thinking, "Here she goes again!". After a couple of weeks I thought that I needed to tell my husband and children. They had an "Oh, OK" response, I think because they expected me to fail. When they saw me stick to it for a few weeks, they became really supportive.

Now, I am open about it at work after the "Are you sick?" question. I actually feel much better about that, it makes it easier. To clarify, I am not hiding it but I still don't talk about it much. That can get old in the workplace. I think it is key that everyone can see that I am sticking with it. They know that I am serious this time. After all, if I am successful, how long can I hide it?
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Old 03-03-2009, 11:42 AM   #6
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Quote:
So what occurred to me was the phrase, 'It looks like I chose to be fat because it was the only thing I could control' and that hit me with a thud - because how many times have I heard documentaries about people suffering from anorexia nervosa, who say that their eating issues were less about weight loss and more about controlling the only thing they could control?
Word. My dad had me on a diet since I was eight - looking back on childhood photos, I was an extremely normal weight child. Eating became my form of rebellion. In real life, I'm pretty private about losing weight (I don't go to the gym when visiting my parents!) mostly because I don't want my dad to know he's winning.

Which is screwed up, because really I'm winning, right? Ugh.
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Old 03-03-2009, 11:43 AM   #7
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I don't really shout it out (unless to close family or friends) or try to keep it private....it just is
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Old 03-03-2009, 12:01 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anastasia View Post
btw, how's giving up weighing for lent going?

Thanks for remembering!

It's going really well, thanks. It's really motivating, because I'm still logging weightlosses, to keep my electronic calculator straight, and I will be SO disappointed if I get weighed on April 12th and find I'm miles off!
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Old 03-03-2009, 12:04 PM   #9
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I don't tell anyone. This keeps the diet police from making unwanted comments.. Somehow when people know you are on a diet they feel compelled to make comments.
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Old 03-03-2009, 12:06 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by macky View Post
Word. My dad had me on a diet since I was eight - looking back on childhood photos, I was an extremely normal weight child. Eating became my form of rebellion. In real life, I'm pretty private about losing weight (I don't go to the gym when visiting my parents!) mostly because I don't want my dad to know he's winning.

Which is screwed up, because really I'm winning, right? Ugh.
That rings bells too. All my life that I can remember I was pudgy, result of (apparently) having been a very light eater as an infant and mother was terrified I'd die, I guess. I have "known" all my life that I'm offensively fat - but, like you, now when I look back at photos, all I see is normal. I NEVER tell my mother I'm dieting. I would NEVER go to the gym if I were visiting her. That's letting her into my headspace. ack.
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Old 03-03-2009, 12:14 PM   #11
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Quote:
my fat is a distancing mechanism ~ I'll let people know if I'm ready for them to come closer
This rings true for me, but I'll offer a variation on it. I'm heavily padded, and that is for my protection. I put on the padding because it's a hard world out there & I am soft. I'm like an umpire, who needs a face mask & a chest pad. Or a hockey player, or a football player with padded shoulders. Or I'm like a fragile thing that's boxed up & being sent on a very long distance, in the back of a particularly bouncy truck, and I need bubble wrap so that I get there intact, without anything being broken off.
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Old 03-03-2009, 12:18 PM   #12
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I'm not done yet ... ;-)

Quote:
say you're on a diet, and the whole world asks constantly how you're doing
Yeah, I wanted to do this alone & for myself. It's almost a selfish act. I don't want any other participants. I don't want an audience. I don't particularly want their applause. I just wanted to blend in with everyone else, to be acceptable, which means being unnoticed, except when I step forth dressed up & **want** to be noticed.
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Old 03-03-2009, 12:25 PM   #13
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I guess I am more open with some people than others about it. My immediately family, whom I live with, know about it because they have seen me exercising and now I buy my own groceries and cook my own meals... so that was pretty much unavoidable. I also told a couple of my closest friends because it just seemed easier... I don't have to make excuses for not wanting to go out for dinner and drinks and everything fatty so we can make healthier plans together. Everyone else though... I am mostly keeping it to myself and I will say something once they start to notice.
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Old 03-03-2009, 12:49 PM   #14
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Well, I wear my heart on my sleeve and the same goes for weight loss. My family knows (how could they not - I am always counting the calories) My work people know, my friends know. I don't talk about it a ton, but everyone knows that I have gotten the bodybugg and I am trying again!!
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Old 03-03-2009, 12:51 PM   #15
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I also play it pretty close to the chest, so to speak. Only my family knew at first, and then when everyone started to notice, the comments started:

1) How much weight have you lost?
2) How are you doing it?

For those that are really interested and not asking out of curiosity and I tell them what I am doing and I am very honest about it. Otherwise, when I get those questions, I am very vague and generic in my answers.
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