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Old 02-21-2009, 06:55 PM   #1
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other people's positive comments? I am always polite and thank the person for noticing but honestly, how can you say "You look great" to someone who still has 97.4 lbs. to lose? I would rather no one mention my weight loss at all...like just see me for me and no the package I am in at the moment. I am satisfied with my loss to date and have no intention of not going all the way but I'd rather do it under the radar.
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Old 02-21-2009, 07:01 PM   #2
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I wouldn't say annoyed, but I don't really know what to say. If they pay me a compliment I say "Thank you" but if they make a statement like "You have lost a lot of weight." I say "Yes I have." I feel awkward.
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Old 02-21-2009, 07:04 PM   #3
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Well, what reason would you have to put your pic up on a thread or state your progress for other people to see? I don't see the point in telling someone, "Wow, you have a long way to go; it's too bad you're only halfway there." This point of the website is to be positive, I thought. I am being honest when I tell someone they are doing a great job and look great or that I am proud of them. I know what it is like to feel like crap about yourself even though you've lost 30 pounds and have a ways to go, but, really, I don't come on this website to be reminded of how much I want to lose. I don't really understand why you would be annoyed with other's positive comments. Do you mean positive comments to you or to everyone else?
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Old 02-21-2009, 07:05 PM   #4
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I have trouble with this, too. I have only lost 10 pounds this time around, but on a previous time I would have people gush about how great I looked. It was hard for me to not translate that into, "You looked HORRIBLE before, but now you look so much better!". Maybe we just need to learn to accept compliments? I dunno, it makes me feel funny when people gush like that.
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Old 02-21-2009, 07:20 PM   #5
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I agree with windchime, just leran to accept the compliment and not read too much into it. I love it when people say "wow you look like you have lost weight!"

On my bday people were commenting to me and my husband was likey "hey what about me!?" and people were like what about you? lol
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Old 02-21-2009, 07:23 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamaspank View Post
Well, what reason would you have to put your pic up on a thread or state your progress for other people to see? I don't see the point in telling someone, "Wow, you have a long way to go; it's too bad you're only halfway there." This point of the website is to be positive, I thought. I am being honest when I tell someone they are doing a great job and look great or that I am proud of them. I know what it is like to feel like crap about yourself even though you've lost 30 pounds and have a ways to go, but, really, I don't come on this website to be reminded of how much I want to lose. I don't really understand why you would be annoyed with other's positive comments. Do you mean positive comments to you or to everyone else?
I totally agree. Goodness I still have a lot more weight to lose but when my hubby last night said my waist was smaller and he knew I had lost more weight I was elated! maybe now I will start taking a shower with him (another story I will get into later). I love the compliments because when I wasn't seeing the weight loss and everyone else did I knew I was doing the right thing. Then when I started seeing it and everyone was gushing about it, it was extremely motivating and keeps me on track. I had an old male friend of mine who nearly wet himself when he saw me three weeks ago. He pointed out that I am getting an hour glass figure that I look great and that I used to have a belly and it's no longer there. He just went on and on and when I left he asked my friend who was with me if I was married. LOL. That just made my whole day. Also I like to know that I am making progress, that what I am doing it correct and I should keep doing it. I don't understand why that might annoy you but heck I love it!
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Old 02-21-2009, 07:26 PM   #7
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Perhaps the OP meant in person? I think this needs to be put in perspective though...if you are embarrassed and immediately try to turn a compliment into a slight (well...I must have really looked awful before), that is your own insecurity speaking. Don't try to make someone who is truly surprised, delighted, or trying to compliment you into the bad guy. Work on your own issues. If you feel that someone is trying to say you looked awful before, you probably did, in your eyes. That's why you are interpreting it that way. It doesn't mean it was meant that way. I was so tickled to see my sister after she lost a lot of weight. I gushed about how gorgeous she was. Not because she wasn't adorable before, but because she just looked stunning, and I know how hard it is to lose weight and keep it off. I was so proud of her.
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Old 02-21-2009, 07:41 PM   #8
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No. Not at all. I honestly DO think that women here who post their pictures after losing some (not all) weight look fantastic and gorgeous. I'm not just blowing sunshine up their butt's And I KNOW that when people tell me I am looking fantastic that they really mean it! So I take the compliment as such and keep trucking
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Old 02-21-2009, 08:27 PM   #9
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Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but unless it's a comment to a really close friend or family member, I think comments about appearance are uncalled for. My sister's MIL is on chemo, has lost a lot of weight, and is wearing a really trendy wig. Although she's telling her friends and family members, she's not wearing a sign to advertize the fact that she has what is probably terminal cancer. How should she respond if some aquaintance compliments her on her weight loss or trendy new haircut? My other sister was asked when her baby is due--two weeks after she lost her baby because of an ectopic pregnancy. Telling someone that he or she looks nice or is wearing a cute new outfit or has a nice haircut, that's one thing, but comments about someone's body are inappropriate.
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Old 02-21-2009, 08:46 PM   #10
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provence,

It concerns me that you don't think that you can look great now. You can still be beautiful at 227.4. I imagine you are getting sincere compliments. Try to enjoy them.
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Old 02-21-2009, 09:21 PM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mags View Post
Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but unless it's a comment to a really close friend or family member, I think comments about appearance are uncalled for.
I guess that's where I'm coming from. Obviously it's different here because we are posting our results (and sometimes pictures) in order to get positive reinforcement. But people who post these things are looking for input and reinforcement. When I'm out in the real world, I'm not necessarily looking for people gush endlessly about how much better I look. Complements are fine, but its when they go on and on, "No, REALLY, I just cannot get OVER how GOOD you look!". It goes beyond a simple compliment into.....I dunno, fawning or something? I guess it can feel patronizing to me depending on how it's delivered. And again, maybe that's just me needing to learn how to take a compliment. For the most part, I just don't really like to be the focus of attention and when someone is going on and on, I feel like I'm in the spotlight being scrutinized.
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Old 02-21-2009, 09:29 PM   #12
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It's truly impossible for everyone to get what they want, because many people come on here and post how miserable they are that no one is commenting on their weight loss. Nonetheless, I lean in the direction that (1) commenting on someone's body (as opposed to a general "You look great") is tricky and not strictly polite, and (2) the only solution to thinking that "You look great" means "You looked awful before" lies with the person receiving the compliment.
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Old 02-21-2009, 11:07 PM   #13
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This thread reminds me of something funny. I was in my late 20's and got a serious case of poison oak on my face. I had to go to the emergency room two days in a row for cortizone shots because my face was swollen like a pumpkin...the first days my eyes were swollen shut, the second my lips had puffed up like a blow fish. It was pretty disgusting. It took a while to heal from that, but about a month later I had to go back to the hospital to get them to sign something for my insurance company. I walked into the ER, and the doc was standing at the desk while I was asking the receptionist to look up my info. I said my name and the name of the doc who treated me. The doc turned and looked at me and said "Oh my God, you're beautiful. I never would have recognized you". He was embarrassed to blurt that out (his face turned red), but we both had to laugh because I looked so horrible when he saw me last.

The point I'm making here is that sometimes people are taken by surprise if they see you after you've gone through a major transformation.
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Old 02-22-2009, 12:21 AM   #14
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I totally love it when someone who sees me on a regular basis, and knew me before I started losing weight and working on my health, gives me a positive comment. I have one coworker who has complimented me like 4 times--most recently it was a "You are looking even more awesome!" one day, and then "Oh, and you look great in colors. You should wear them more often!" the next day. I love this woman for her positive encouragement.

Yeah, I still have 75 pounds to lose. But you know what? I look HOT right NOW. I have a lovely feminine shape, my skin is beautiful and radiant, my hair is cute, my clothes are cute. My spirits are up and my health is great. And when my mom says, "You really look fantastic," well, she means it! So I accept the compliment gratefully and graciously.

Just because people are complimenting me now doesn't mean they necessarily thought I looked like crap before--even though I did, because I truly was not in good health. Probably, most of them didn't think about how I looked much. But if they did think about it at all, it's likely they were more worried about my health and spirits than how "ugly" I may have been.

My husband thought I was hot at nearly 300 pounds, but he thinks I am even HOTTER now. And he's right, I am! He will keep thinking I'm hotter and hotter as I go down the scale, and that is totally OK with me. I love it that I'm improving how I look, partly to wow him.
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Old 02-22-2009, 12:35 AM   #15
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I agree with warmaiden. If someone compliments me, I'm not going to think its an insult!
My boyfriend loved me when I was bigger and had no problem with it. The big reason he likes me to lose weight is because he knows it makes ME happier! and it will honestly make our lives easier if I lose weight.

When someone tells me I look great, its just that! I look great! I look better than I did before. Which is true! It doesn't necessarily mean they thought I looked TERRIBLE before, it just means that I look fantastic now!

and about posting on here - I hope no one would give negative comments! Why in the world would someone post pictures here 1. if they thought people were going to be negative 2. If they didn't want any positive comments!

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