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Old 02-13-2009, 10:02 PM   #16  
Freedom in living
 
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Old 02-13-2009, 10:37 PM   #17  
Here We Go Again
 
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I can relate. My mother had many psychological issues...and she was anorexic. But she took a lot of it out on me. I wasn't heavy yet, but she'd portion my meals and all that. If I wanted seconds she'd say to me, "If you eat that boys will never like you". Or "You really don't need seconds". She'd constantly pick at me for my weight in reflection to her own image issues.

I too would hide treats in my room. I'd get candy while over my grandparent's and keep it in one of those square makeup boxes with the lock. When she wasn't home, I'd eat anything I could. I'd just act like my stepdad ate it.

I think things like this really contribute to our unhealthy relationship with food. I got out of my mom's house when I was 14. I gained a lot of weight and I developed the habit of emotional/binge eating. Endless nights of indulging and guilt. But now I am doing it the healthy way. It takes a lot of time. There's still days I want to go back to where I was.

But we're strong. We can do this!
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Old 02-13-2009, 11:04 PM   #18  
returning to myself
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thanks, Julia Haleys and Buttercup! (wutsup buttercup...I say that to my kids lol)

Maddies...what was weird is that it made me nervous to HAVE all that food in there....I dunno..I'm still pondering it. your dad sounds like a real prize......

wormwood....oh yea...the other kind of parent.....they think they are doing you a big favor by pushing their neurosis on you......yea...thanks mom!

hey Lori...well we HAVE to survive! the alternative is pretty grim. but now I'm tired of just surviving...I wanna LIVE!

unfortunately, my brother (who was older) left home at 15 and we never heard from him again.

Last edited by iminhere; 02-13-2009 at 11:08 PM.
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Old 02-14-2009, 07:01 AM   #19  
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I relate completely to your abusive childhood. I was starved a lot as a child and one of the effects I noticed it has had on me is that I get really frightened when ever I lose weight. I think in some way I think I am being starved again. WE will get through this!
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Old 02-14-2009, 09:56 AM   #20  
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Thank you for sharing this. I don't know what to say, because I just can't imagine that kind of pain, but it makes me happy that you are here, and you are so honest. I just want to wish you great success in your weight loss journey. I hope you continue to post here, because I really enjoy your posts.
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Old 02-14-2009, 10:08 AM   #21  
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Big hugs and lots of admiration for people who've survived horrible childhoods.

My weight issues are mother-related too. She never said I was fat, she'd use euphemisms, 'you've popped a little bit on your calves, haven't you?' all in a hesitant tone of voice - which she still uses at 88 and I'm 53 to ask what size I am at the minute.
Result - I am totally disgusted by my body when I'm fat - it's obviously a thing I mustn't acknowledge in its fatness, it's shameful, something so awful that it must be couched in oblique language. the fat that dare not speak its name.....

She was fat as a child, and spoke of herself with repulsion, saying that I didn't want to be like her. At the same time, food was her main way of giving us kids love. None of this 'what would you like to eat, dear?' that people seem to ask their kids these days. We ate what was put in front of us. All of it or it meant we didn't love her.
Result - eating (and giving food) copiously is away of receiving or showing love BUT the natural outcome of eating too much, fatness, is something shameful to be avoided.

I keep trying to be grown up about it - at my age! - and have no problems resisting her food but the weird mental stuff seems programmed for life. It makes me feel bad that I perceive my issues are related to bad parenting but it was only bad in the result, it was meant well, when I hear others bad experiences. Maybe identifying is a way of making it go away?
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Old 02-14-2009, 01:32 PM   #22  
NEVER EVER going back
 
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So many hugs to you. So many.

A lot of my food issues are all wrapped up in my childhood. We rarely had enough food to eat and when we did have enough food, my parents ate it while we were in bed. They'd order out pizza, chinese, KFC and we'd lay there and SMELL the food but it'd be all gone by morning.

I started sneaking food at an early age and it became a comfort for me.

It's hard. But you ARE doing this and I am very proud of you
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Old 02-14-2009, 02:10 PM   #23  
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Wow.. I hope these evil people find themselves on the dependent side when they get older.. and nobody there to care for them.
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Old 02-14-2009, 06:00 PM   #24  
Let's do this!
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RN BSN 2009 View Post
Wow.. I hope these evil people find themselves on the dependent side when they get older.. and nobody there to care for them.
Unfortunately this ends up being the case and thus begins a whole new set of problems.
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Old 02-14-2009, 06:23 PM   #25  
returning to myself
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cfmama View Post
So many hugs to you. So many.



A lot of my food issues are all wrapped up in my childhood. We rarely had enough food to eat and when we did have enough food, my parents ate it while we were in bed. They'd order out pizza, chinese, KFC and we'd lay there and SMELL the food but it'd be all gone by morning.

I started sneaking food at an early age and it became a comfort for me.

It's hard. But you ARE doing this and I am very proud of you



you're parents sound really weird.

I know that sounds funny coming from ME lol!

but my parents were mentally ill.... no excuse really, but their behavior was unreasonable in part because of that...

why would your parents do that....? do you have any idea?

I personally can't imagine feeding myself before my kids. most moms can't, I think....

yea...it seems that on some level that many of us feel that we are undeserving in some way because that's how we interpreted the way we were treated....

and to feel undeserving of such basics as food, shelter....etc..... can really take a toll.

Last edited by iminhere; 02-14-2009 at 06:26 PM.
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