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Dealing with jealousy?

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Old 02-05-2009, 11:51 PM   #1
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Default Dealing with jealousy?

My husband, who has been OP with me since we started (again) a couple weeks ago, has lost so much weight that you can SEE it. In 12 days. He lost 5 pounds in under a week. He's 10 years older than I am, eats more than I do, and exercises less. How is this fair?!?

More important, how do I stop myself from

1. Getting jealous and pissy that this is SO much easier for him than for me -- I know it's not easy for him -- just a tremendous amount easier for him than for me...

2. Getting overly competitive and cutting my calories too far and exercising too much...

I've never had a huge appetite -- just no "off" switch -- and I'm having trouble persuading myself that I can't just eat 900 or 1000 calories because that's all I feel like eating.

I'm working out 5 days a week and counting calories. I give myself a free day once a week, but I still try to get my calories under a certain number (so it's more, but a controlled more).

Tonight, I did some extra exercise because I felt like it (I'm also having a hard time 1) not exercising on my two off days [which I feel my body needs to recover] and 2) stopping exercising [I've always been a distance person, so I can go for a couple hours without really feeling it at the time or the next day -- I have more trouble with getting bored...which is one reason I've stopped working out in the past]). So he gets on the bike and works out more than he has any other day this week. I should be happy and proud, right? And I AM. BUT, I'm also feeling pretty pissy because I want to be able to celebrate what I'm doing, and right now I'm kind of feeling like no matter what I achieve, his successes are always going to be bigger and better, making mine smaller in comparison.

I know, I know...I'm too competitive for my own good, but I REALLY am not looking forward to having to do this all on my own while he's hanging out maintaining...sigh...

Help!
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Old 02-06-2009, 12:00 AM   #2
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Oh man that's hard! I think it would be hard for anyone. I guess probably the best thing to do is to only allow yourself to think positive and not dwell on how your husband is doing. Make sure you are encouraging yourself and not bullying yourself. teehee.

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Old 02-06-2009, 12:17 AM   #3
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it's because right now you need for this to be about YOU. you may be having trouble feeling proud of yourself because you feel like he is doing better.....but if you are both on pmlan than he's not DOING better....it just shows more...FOR NOW.....

he could plateau and you could leave him in the dust...!

anything can happen...so just keep plugging along ...do your best without doing anything unhealthy and focus on YOU.

I know it's hard...I'm not saying it isn't...just keep reminding yourself that you are doing this for you and right now thats all that matters!
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Old 02-06-2009, 02:01 AM   #4
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Men suck.

Not really. But I totally hear what you are saying. My husband can half way follow what ever plan I'm doing and drop pounds so fast. Plus he has a LOT less to lose that I do. Maybe it would be helpful if you could think about being a team instead of in competition with each other. Kinda of a you and me against the world. I don't know if that would help but it might be a different way of looking at the situation.

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Old 02-06-2009, 02:28 AM   #5
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Competition can be a good thing but jealousy and cutting off way too many calories is not! I catch myself doing the same thing!

It kills me how most men can lose weight almost effortlessly! My bf has only cut down on drinking soda by just getting it at work or when we go out and he is dropping pounds while I'm sitting here logging my food intake and exercising like crazy!

Just stop and think about how only eating under 1000 calories is going to effect you in the long run. You can't get proper nutrition with that and most people absolutely cannot sustain such a low intake without getting so frustrated or stressed leaving them open to binges, giving up, starvation mode, and numerous other cons that will just stunt your weight loss journey.

IT is normal to feel a twinge of jealousy. Like kelli said, don't dwell on it! It is what it is and there isn't much you can do to change it. Accept that, and continue rocking out! Exercising 5 times a week is awesome and 6 is even better as long as you have at least 1 rest day! I tend to over-do it a bit, too, but I'll do my high impact workouts 5 days a week and on my 2 off days just do a lot of walking! It totally works! Good luck to you two!
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Old 02-06-2009, 03:34 AM   #6
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why does it seem like everything in life is just easier for men??? LOL but, seriously... NOT FAIR!!!! Just dont do anything drastic to harm your health. You will start shedding those lbs fast. dont worry. Tell him how proud you are of him, then give him dirty looks behind his back hehe
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Old 02-06-2009, 06:19 AM   #7
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How much does he weigh?
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Old 02-06-2009, 08:41 AM   #8
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OH MY YOU JUST WROTE MY STORY..... My hubby and I started the same day.. He has cut calories and that's about it.. No exercise at all besides the one time I made him go walk with me.. I think his my space status last night was about how much weight he has lost. He has lost 25 lbs in one month.
He started at 244..
Oh I am happy for him! But he sure has the Big head.! HAHA
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Old 02-06-2009, 08:46 AM   #9
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Thanks for all the advice and support CousinRockingChair, that's one of the frustrating things -- he is older than me, does less than me, and both weighs less than me and has less to lose than me. His goal -- which I thought was reasonable -- was to lose 1 pound a week, on average, until goal weight. Mine was to lose 2, on average. We had weigh in this morning, and he's lost 8 in 2 weeks; I've lost 6. So that's awesome -- though it took waaaaay more work than I thought it would! -- but still a little frustrating. I guess I thought that I'd lose more, and more easily, in the beginning, and instead, I'm working hard for every pound, and he's just shedding pounds left and right!

It's a good thing he's so cute! (that's what we tell the cats when they are out of control)
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Old 02-06-2009, 08:58 AM   #10
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You know, it's just biology! And there is nothing you can do to change that... Women's bodies are geared to the possibility of carrying and feeding a baby, whether you ever have one or not. So, storing extra calories as fat is a kind of priority for the female body. Men, it doesn't matter. In fact, from a biology standpoint, men are pretty much of no use except for one thing. (Now, I'm just talking biology here, and I mean no disrespect. )

Anyway, try to get your head out of the competition mindset. Focus on your own progress. Cheer him on, but mainly cheer yourself on! Compare, if you must, with other women. Find yourself a weight loss buddy of your own sex if that will help.

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Old 02-06-2009, 09:12 AM   #11
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Jayell said exactly what I was going to say. It's strictly physiology. You physically cannot lose as fast as your DH. So, please try to not make it an issue. I know it's not fair - it stinks, in fact. But, this is one case where this saying rings true "It is what it is."

Carry on...you are doing so well!!!!
Please don't compare numbers lost. No need to frustrate yourself with something out of your control.
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Old 02-06-2009, 09:17 AM   #12
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Everyone loses at different rates. Comparing your weight loss to others can be really frustrating.

When my husband and I started, he lost quickly and was reaping the compliments. I struggled a bit with jealousy at that point, forcing myself to cheer him on, reminding myself that I wanted him to lose weight because I want him with me and healthy for a long time!

He then plateaued for a couple months, and I actually started to feel a little guilty about my small weekly losses, and the compliments that were starting to come my way, instead of his.
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Old 02-06-2009, 09:36 AM   #13
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I agree with JayEll A male can eat more and burn more calories much easier than a woman (it's a biological fact & I'm not saying it to down play a guys weight problems)....I know if my DH gains 5 pounds & is like man I need to lose this extra 5 pounds and he'll drop it in like a week lol When he does that sometimes I feel like bopping him in his head

You can't help that he is losing faster....what you CAN help is staying on your plan. Jealousy will only hinder your efforts so try to keep the negativity out! *hugs*
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Old 02-06-2009, 09:39 AM   #14
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I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal. I'm competitive too. I've got a 20 lb. headstart on my dh but I'm sure if he started doing something about his weight TODAY, he could catch up to me relatively quickly. And frankly I wish he would. He needs to lose a bunch of weight too but isn't ready to deal with it yet. Sigh.

I guess the upside for you is that you have someone in your own home to do this hard thing WITH even if it's a little frustrating that it so much easier for them than us.
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Old 02-06-2009, 10:36 AM   #15
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You know what reading your post actually gave ME some insight to myself.
I just realized that in the past when DH and I would lose together Id get jealous but also insecure. He doesnt have but maybe 50lbs to lose and I have 150. If he loses 50 in a few months and it takes me a year then I will be doing the WL by myself. And Id get to feeling like why would he wait around on me and I cant do this by myself ect. So I think I actually sabotaged us both b/c misery loves company.
Id rather we both be overweight so he cant say anything to me about being overweight if he is too.
Ive noticed this time around Ive been rather annoyed with him and hateful towards him over the littlest things. And maybe thats b/c he lost 12lbs in a month not even really trying and I busted my butt and lost 2.
Thank you for posting b/c it just made me realize I need to support us both and drop the jealousy and the insecurities.
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