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Boy, you WERE gorgeous!

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Old 01-16-2009, 12:44 PM   #1
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Default Boy, you WERE gorgeous!

I love my mom. She is one of the greatest people ever and she is such a supportive lady. She thinks I am wonderful and I definitely feel the love from this wonderful woman.

But...

She called me yesterday and told me she was looking through some old pictures from my high school days and early college (this would be about 25-30 years ago). Her comment was, "Boy, you were gorgeous." She went on to say that she can see where my 14yo daughter gets her beauty, because I was just as beautiful and sexy when I was in high school. (not the same words she used, but you get the drift)

I know she meant it to give me a compliment, but all I heard was that I WAS gorgeous...

Honestly, I'm not getting down on myself, but thought I'd share. Someday, I'll be gorgeous again?? ha! Or maybe I'll just get to the point that I don't pick apart what someone says to me.
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Old 01-16-2009, 12:51 PM   #2
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meh. mothers. i just tune mine out.
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Old 01-16-2009, 12:55 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Slashnl View Post
I know she meant it to give me a compliment, but all I heard was that I WAS gorgeous...
I'm sure mom didn't even think about what she was saying and not meaning anything by it. Just think about your plan to get back to where you want to be, whatever it is that YOU want.
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Old 01-16-2009, 12:59 PM   #4
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My mother is a PAIN In my BIG OLE BUTT ~IGNORE IT TOTALLY.
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Old 01-16-2009, 01:03 PM   #5
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I'm sure that's not the way she meant it.

But I have the type of relationship with my mother that I would've simply said "Gee Mom thanks. I think I'm kinda pretty now." And then she would've said "Oh I know and that's not the way I meant it and you know that."
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Old 01-16-2009, 01:05 PM   #6
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Lol I know how moms can be. Mine is the same way. I know that Mothers mean well but sometimes things don't come across the way they intend them to.
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Old 01-16-2009, 01:05 PM   #7
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Talking I've been there

Slashnl - I know exactly where you're coming from. I got comments like that all the time from various people like my mother-in-law, coworkers, etc. Actually, I had lost weight at one time and someone saw an older over weight picture of me and said "oh my gosh - you were so fat. I can't even believe that was you - you look great now." It makes you think of how much people judge you when you're overweight and how shallow or insensitive some people can be.)

I've since gained back the weight and then some (starting back again on the right track recently) but those backwards compliments hurt. I don't think they are intentional most times, but they can still hurt. I would try to forget it (if you can) and just focus on your mini goals and being happy with how you see yourself and with who you are.
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Old 01-16-2009, 01:07 PM   #8
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I hate that! P's me off! We are all beautiful and you do NOT have to be Thin to be pretty! Infact that is on my Myspace Page! I know some very UGLY Thin people! And not just on the outside!

I have heard that too and I said just what Faerie said. Usually they stumble around and feel stupid, well yeah you just put your foot in your mouth!

But like the others said, I am sure you mom did not mean it that way, even though I know it hurts a lot! My mil is very very good at putting her foot in her mouth, OVER AND OVER again! lol. But she means well.

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Old 01-16-2009, 01:22 PM   #9
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my mother said hurtful things and meant them. It's good that you know she didn't mean anything but was just making an observation, like when I say my daughter was cute when she was little, I don't mean she isn't cute now.

focus on how supportive she is, and let the 'slip' go. you are so lucky to have a mom that loves you, I wish I had had one....
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Old 01-16-2009, 01:24 PM   #10
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Oh, hugs! It probably just came out the wrong way, unintentional. I am guilty of doing that constantly - the people in my life are always offended.
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Old 01-16-2009, 01:25 PM   #11
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Isn't it possible that your mom wasn't really referring to your weight at all but actually to your age? Perhaps she meant you were gorgeous when you were young, not necessarily that you were gorgeous when you were thin.

We all tend to see comments like this as if they're directed solely at our weight but maybe it was not so much a crack at your weight as a crack at the fact that you're getting older. (And yes, I realize that that is not necessarily any better.)
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Old 01-16-2009, 01:29 PM   #12
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Boy have I been there... I get the "wow, you WERE so thin... you LOOKED really good." *sigh*

I think she probably didn't mean it the way that it sounded...
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Old 01-16-2009, 01:34 PM   #13
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Ive had people say that about me before...it hurts like nothing else. And yes you CAN get back to that point if you want it bad enough. I hope to someday receive compliments again myself.
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Old 01-16-2009, 01:42 PM   #14
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I went to visit my grandma and the first thing she said to me is 'how'd you get so fat?' Anyone else and I would have told them where to go but this was my grandma. I'll give her credit, it sticks with me when I want to grab a snack.
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Old 01-16-2009, 01:49 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Slashnl View Post
I know she meant it to give me a compliment, but all I heard was that I WAS gorgeous...

Honestly, I'm not getting down on myself, but thought I'd share. Someday, I'll be gorgeous again?? ha! Or maybe I'll just get to the point that I don't pick apart what someone says to me.
oh, i understand you better than i would like to. knowing how it hurts me, my mom learned to skip most of such comments, altough i know what she thinks of my weight (she is very loving and supporting, but she has been more or less thin all her life, so it is hard for her to really understand and let go).
a few monts ago i mentioned my friend's 4-year old son who is seriously overweight and how my friend tries her best to teach him how to eat more healthy. the look on my mother's face and the sentence she said filled with pain: 'oh, poor, poor girl, it is such a terrible thing to happen to a parent', the sadness that she expressed haunts me... to have an overweight child seems to be the biggest tragedy for my mom.
i know our mothers love us and care so we shouldn't take everything they say seriously, because they do see we are so much more then overweight, but... yes, it hurts. even if i also think i looked more gorgeous ten years ago, i would like our mothers to keep that to themselves.
my advice: just let go and continue your struggle. you know she actually thinks you are the most perfect human being there is!
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