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Old 01-08-2009, 02:48 PM   #1
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Unhappy To share or not to share... that is my question

I am having a mental argument with myself...

On one hand, I want to tell my family and friends that I'm on this venture toward being more healthy and losing weight again, because I feel like I need the support, and the encouragement is helfpul, sometimes. My problem is that when I do this, I feel like my family and some friends scrutinize everything I do. Even when I am doing well, my mom will ask questions like, "What healthy things did you have today? Is that dressing low fat? Did you exercise?" I know she's trying to be supportive, but it is extremely annoying- among other emotions that it stirs up. And, as mentioned in other posts by other folks, there are those who watch everything that you eat, and everyone has their ideas of what I should be doing to make it happen, etc. I have a really hard time dealing with that, and it makes me feel like going and eating a tub of ice cream , which is of course completely unreasonable, but... what emotional response is reasonable, right?

I feel like it's my personal journey and I can only do what works for me, but it's not a secret, and it shouldn't have to be a secret... but I shouldn't have to do it under such great scrutiny. So... I don't know whether to share it and deal with the frustrations, or just plod onward and keep it to myself.

Thoughts???
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:02 PM   #2
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You've kind of lost me here. You want your family to be supportive, but not mention it? How do you want them to support you? Maybe they don't know what you want and expect either. Maybe have a talk with them and let them know how they can be supportive.
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:03 PM   #3
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DON"T TELL THEM. That is putting a mound of pressure on yourself.
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:04 PM   #4
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I wouldn't tell them, but if the subject comes up, just be casual about it and say you are just trying to eat better.
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:05 PM   #5
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I have done it both ways.. Really they will know soon enough. So it is just a personal choice. It is easy for me to share with family. Now friends is another story. Last time I had lost a lot of weight before some of my closest friends noticed. This time I have shared with a few friends but the rest will just have to notice..lol
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:06 PM   #6
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I have decided to share with SOME others, only a select group of people. And in doing so (in an email) I told them they were trusted with my very personal issues, something that is difficult for me. My main reason for sharing with them was to ask for prayer.

For a family member I would probably share (I have no family other than my household) but I would also tell them that if they cannot just be there for me, and only offer advice when I ask for it, then I do not want their help at all. Harsh? Yeah, maybe, but it is your health you are talking about. And you and I are almost the same weight, so I will say this too...... it is our LIVES we are talking about. This is a life or death matter, that is Harsh, but it is reality.

I can't sugar coat anything any more, when I do then my goals wash away and I worry about other people instead. I have always been a care taker, but this time I need to care for myself.

See what happens when you ask for advise? But the key is you asked, and for family support that is what they need to keep in mind. Words of affermation, and then support only when you ask.
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:13 PM   #7
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Well here's the thing. Do you routinely ask other people what they are eating, whether they exercised, scrutinize their plates, etc.? If not, then why would you invite that kind of attention from others by announcing you're trying to lose weight?

People will notice that you're losing if you're successful, and if you want to say anything about your efforts then, it will be your choice.

The only person I told was my SO because we live in the same house and buy food out of the same account. Not the kind of person to "ride herd" on me anyway.

I guess it depends on what you think they can do for you by way of support. I tended to get my support here on 3FC.

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Old 01-08-2009, 03:53 PM   #8
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Thanks everyone. These perspectives are helpful.
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:57 PM   #9
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I told some people and some have figured it out on their own.

If people start trying to ask me stuff in annoying ways I pretty much shoot them down, turn it back around on them, or give them a look that pretty much lets them know they are over the line.

I am not subtle and most people who know me would rather not set me off. So far everyone has said things I think were perfectly appropriate.

My little sister who is a doctor and I talked in depth about it and she talked to me a lot about the medical side of stuff - but she did it in a way that was helpful/informative. My sister-in-law asked lots of questions which I found cool - and let me explain my plan without critiquing it.

I started telling more people once I was past the 30 day on plan mark. That helps me stay committed but I know I'm already past the danger zone for it being a quick fad in my life.
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:58 PM   #10
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I can't tell you what is right for you, but I can tell you what worked for me.

In the beginning, I didn't tell anyone, except for my fiance. I wanted to prove to myself that I could handle this, that I was doing this for me, and I didn't want the pressure of the outside world on me as well.

As a few months passed I did mention it to my family. But since it was a "I've been following WW for the past few months" they didn't get to look at it as a new "thing". And I haven't really gotten any comments from anyone about what I'm eating. But if they do say something I've always got the "Thanks. I know what I'm doing." reply in my arsenal.

I don't really tell friends or anything, though some people have noticed, and if they do ask I mention that I've been watching what I eat and exercising.

From what you say about your family... I honestly wouldn't tell them. At least not right now. Wait until you've got a handle on this, or until they start noticing.
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Old 01-08-2009, 04:17 PM   #11
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I don't tell my family....I think it is because they get thier hopes up way too much and I feel the pressure in a huge way! I go about it myself and do what I need to do and then if they say something...that is where I am not sure what to say.....my sister is pretty ok...but my mother makes me nuts. She has no clue on how to handle it so you feel comfortable. I am trying to get quite a bit gone before she sees me and I know it will be stressful with her but...I will take care of that when I have to. Right now I just taking care of myself. I have to be selfish and not sweat thier comments and reactions.
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Old 01-08-2009, 05:40 PM   #12
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Hmmm. I did it both ways. I kept my initial diet to myself. I wasnt in the mood to have somone see me fail AGAIN. That was my main reason for secrecy. Eventually, I told my Grandmother and Mother about my plan..no one else. Everyone else just started to notice. I told my Grandmother because she is super supportive. She is the type of person to help but if you tell her to leave you alone about it - she will. In fact, she reminds me to eat sometimes (Never thought that would be a problem). I told my Mom because she was States away AND after I recovered from cancer she didnt care if I was fat. There was no pressure! LOL

You know your family and freinds; there is no right answer, you have to taylor it to your situation.
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Old 01-08-2009, 05:54 PM   #13
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True, it will be obvious soon enough. But by that time you may feel more secure and comfortable in talking about it. What I *would* advise is that when it does come up, be direct about what you want and don't want. Nobody can tell otherwise. For every thing you do or don't want from your family, someone has posted on these forums complaining about the opposite . You may be pleasantly surprised by what you get when you're direct and nonemotional about it. On the other hand, you may discover that you have to set boundaries and disengage. Only time will tell.
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Old 01-08-2009, 06:07 PM   #14
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I didn't start taliking about it untill people noticed. I still stutter and stammer when it comes up. (and OMG does it come up!!) I haven't seen my Mom in ages (she lives 5 hours away) and it actually is funny to me what she will say when she sees.

Basically, I am of two minds for you: you want privacy to deal with your journey, but who doesn't want support too? I would plug a way at it and plug away. If it comes up be casual and lightly explain what you are up too. But it really does add another level of pressure to reveal these things the scutiny (and they do its true) does get to me, I totally get that! Good luck though and don't let yourself, trip yourself up!
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Old 01-08-2009, 07:21 PM   #15
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For me, I only told a select group of people that I knew were going to support me and not over scrutinize everything I do. Others began figuring it out when the weight I lost became visible.
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