How do you deal with people who decide they are going to be your Food Police? I am not talking about when you ASK your family to help you by talking you out of eating things... I mean "self-appointed" food police. They see you eating something and say, "you really shouldn't eat that!"
I just blogged about this because I get a ton of emails and comments on my blog from people who claim it is "tough love" or "helpful advice." But I don't know these people, and when I post my menus I NEVER asked for a critique. I am just being accountable. So why do so many people have to contact me to say "you shouldn't have had that second helping of oatmeal" or "what are you doing having a mocha?? You can do better!" or they say "you're not going to lose weight eating like that!"
It really frosts me. I KNOW what I should be eating, I am doing my best to eat right and exercise. This is hard. But I DO NOT need to be talked down to like a "bad child" caught with her hand in the cookie jar. The superiority complex of some people amazes me.
Maybe it's because they figure we overweight people need all the help we can get? I think many do it with good intentions, although I have known formerly fat people who are like "born agains", way "more" than somebody who had never been there. I think I am more hurt by people who used to be fat and act like they know it all than I am by people who have always been thin. But maybe that's just me. I always feel the formerly fat should have more compassion.
Ugh this irritates me. My dad does this ALL the time to me. Its so irritating. I don't have the best of relationships with him and he isn't the model of physical health either. I don't tell him a lot about my weight loss but he insists on telling me what are "bad" foods and "bad" portions. grrrr.....
When some one thinks they can do this to me I just look at them like they are stupid and tell them that I know what I'm doing and don't need to hear the peanut gallery.
My extended family is famous for this but they leave me alone now! lol
Last edited by TJFitnessDiva; 11-12-2008 at 06:54 PM.
You said you want accountability but not comments. I guess for me that's kind of confusing - I could see myself thinking that you wanted comments and doing the same thing the others did thinking I was helping.
Maybe when you post your menu put a little note that says something like "posting this publicly helps me keep on track. Please don't comment about my menu it just drives me crazy!" or something like that. I know for me that I would respect that note but if it wasn't there I'd make one of those unhelpful trying-to-be-helpful comments.
I know it's hard when you get unsolicited comments about what you eat. But just ignore it as hard as it may be. You don't need the negative feelings for sure. Continue posting your menus and be accountable to yourself only. Your calorie cycling plan and habit a week challenge is working great for you and that's all that matters. You're doing great!!
rodeogirl... oh I want comments. Maybe if someone has a suggestion about using a different, lower calorie food in place of something I am eating. Giving me information I can use. But not condescending down-talk. Not telling me I ate too much when I have already acknowledged that fact. I am pretty lenient with taking comments as "well intended" but when people start saying "what's wrong with you? Why are you eating that?" and "You are just looking for an excuse to overeat," I think that crosses the line into UNhelpful criticism.
Lyn - Big congrats on those 48 pounds lost. Clearly you know what you're doing.
I know what you mean by the "food police." My favorite of the times that happened to me was when my BIL asked my wife (his sister) standing right next to me, "Can Bill have a bagel on his diet?" He didn't even ask me - duh!! All he knew was that I'd lost some weight. I didn't have an advertised "diet," and presumably, having lost some weight, I was under control. That incident amused me more than annoyed me, but I understand how annoying it can be.
I think you're spot on seeing it as patronizing toward fat people. Maybe now that you've observed that, you can vent here on the board and have more room to let it slide in real life.
i have an idea! why not blog about it? i read a comment to your blog that might be the one that set you off (although i'm sure there's more than one.) since you know that these are folks that read what you write, why not write something about the food police, and how singularly unhelpful and condescending those comments are?
jeanie,
I did blog about it
Actually the funny thing is, I got several comments over this week that bugged me a bit, and then I got a couple of really over-the-top emails (rude, actually) and I wrote this long post about food police. Then I didn't publish it because it was obviously in an irritated, pissy tone which is not my normal "me" (plus I am PMSing a bit). So I let it go for a day, then came back today and wrote a new, more articulate post called Fat Ain't Stupid in which I addressed some of the issues. I deleted the older, snarkier draft. LOL
IT DRIVES ME FREAKING BONKERS!!!! I hate it so much. so so soooo much. I think this roots back from when I was a kid and my dad and step mom put a lot of pressure on me to lose weight.... but it still drives me nuts.
I am food policed all the time and it drives me crazy. Absolutely crazy. People will actually say to me something like, "Oh, I'd ask if you want ______, but I know that you're not allowed to eat it". Allowed? Did she just say allowed? Or then there's the "You can't eat this, right?"
And I've gotten the same type remark as Bill, " I'm sure______ isn't on your diet".
Food Police
i read a comment to your blog that might be the one that set you off (although i'm sure there's more than one.) since you know that these are folks that read what you write, why not write something about the food police, and how singularly unhelpful and condescending those comments are?
