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Will this pain ever end? (OT)

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Old 10-28-2008, 08:43 AM   #16
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Shelley



Don't look for another relationship now. Give yourself a chance to be with you and learn who you are before looking for another relationship.
Take this time to do things for yourself.
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Old 10-28-2008, 09:19 AM   #17
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Oh, I am so sorry. Heartbreak is the worst pain I've ever known. Take this time for yourself and your feelings. Reclaiming your house was great advice. I agree with the others that the reasons he left were about him... not you.

Of course you can find love twice in a lifetime! From experience I can offer that I wouldn't start looking for a new relationship right now. It would be unfair to you and the other person - you need this time for you.
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Old 10-28-2008, 10:13 AM   #18
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He want's us to stay best friends. It makes me feel better that he won't be gone completely. But is it a good idea???
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Old 10-28-2008, 10:59 AM   #19
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It's called "using you."

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Old 10-28-2008, 11:00 AM   #20
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He want's us to stay best friends. It makes me feel better that he won't be gone completely. But is it a good idea???
I don't think at first it's a good idea. What if he starts dating women or flirting around women around you? How is that going to make you feel while you still have such strong feelings for him?

Don't be afraid to hurt this man. That was my biggest problem with my ex.. he wanted to be selfish, and I LET him! I gave him my everything, even after we broke up, and he didn't deserve it. Not in the slightest.

I'm not saying this is the case for you, but I know for me when my ex told me that he still wanted to be friends, it left me some hope that we would get back together. That's why I said okay. That's why I put up with it and still gave everything to him, don't let that be you.

You need to do what's best for YOU right now in order to heal. I think you need to spend time away from this person and learn more about yourself.
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Old 10-28-2008, 11:07 AM   #21
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I wanted to add... I wouldn't be surprised if there is already another woman.

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Old 10-28-2008, 11:11 AM   #22
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He has had dinner with one of our waitresses twice since we broke up. What made you say that Jay? Your right, but I am just curious.
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Old 10-28-2008, 11:44 AM   #23
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Oh, I'm so sorry you are going through all of this It's difficult to see it now, but it will get better, I promise. *hugs*
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Old 10-28-2008, 11:58 AM   #24
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seashell, (A) I've been on the planet for awhile. (B) Most people, especially men it seems, but it's not JUST men for sure, are willing to let things go along the way they are until suddenly they see "something better"... and then one hears the "I'm no good for you, I'm not ready to settle down, I'm just not happy with how things are" speech and its many variations. This is an attempt to keep all options open while looking for new excitement.

(I mean, if things don't pan out, gosh! What will he do? Will he have to clean his own place and cook his own meals and do his own laundry? Bummer!)

I had a friend whose husband left her to "find himself." He moved into a different apartment. She was heartbroken by it, did all this stuff, lost weight, got her hair colored, got new sexier clothes, all that. A little later it came out that ummmm there was a new, younger woman friend in his life, and everyone knew it but her! Let's just say that the "amicable" separation turned into a legal matter really quick at that point...

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Old 10-28-2008, 12:50 PM   #25
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I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling. Hang in there

We are here when you need us.
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Old 10-28-2008, 03:26 PM   #26
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Thank you for all of your support ladies. I keep reading your posts over and over and they make me feel better. I miss him so much, but I know that I can't go back. I just wish this pain would end. I don't want to feel this way. I want to be happy and find love again. Is that even possible? Can you find love twice in a lifetime? Should I start looking now and try to get over this with someone new? Or should I wait? I dont know what to do to start to heal.
Sweetie, that pain is going to go away, but you have to make up your mind that you are going to take care of yourself. You will find love again and you will be very happy once you realize that this guy is a total loser. You can find love and sometimes when you least expect it you will find a wonderful man who will adore you. Looking for someone right now is a HUGE mistake. You would be trying to replace your ex and you gotta focus on more than that. As someone in an earlier post indicated, start a journal, write as much as possible, and then toss it or put it away. Also, like I said, if you are feeling very very blue, go find a counselor. You will get unbiased advising and this person will be the best listener you will ever have. I know, I have been to one. Besides this, get busy. What are you interested in doing? Learn something new, join a club, start going to church, join a gym, take up a hobby, get a new pet, start painting (as in art), scrub the heck out of your house etc. Keep as busy as possible because sitting around thinking about the ex-boy will just depress you and make you want to go back. You can live your life without him! You don't need him so that you can be a complete person.

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He want's us to stay best friends. It makes me feel better that he won't be gone completely. But is it a good idea???
No, nein, nicht, uh-uh. Best friends for what? So that he can tell you all about his latest escapades with the women he is dating? Honey don't be a masochist. He wants you around so that if he blows it, he can come hauling a** back to you. You don't want sloppy seconds. ( I know that is vulgar, but ya get my point). You are better than that. He dumped you, and now he is just tossing you out this bone to be his best friend. Sheesh!

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He has had dinner with one of our waitresses twice since we broke up. What made you say that Jay? Your right, but I am just curious.
Baby doll, you don't EVEN want to be his best friend. He is going out with one of your waitresses? Oh please...sounds like he already had this planned. If he was your fiancee and things just didn't work out, he would not be dating so quickly. Junior would have been waiting for awhile and not get someone for the rebound. When people split up and they kind of still love each other they don't go out and find someone to date unless it is out of spite or because they had someone in mind. People don't just shut feelings off just like that and find someone else with whom to get invloved. Did you feel like dating once he left you?

Hang in there. I know this is a difficult time for you.
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Old 10-28-2008, 03:55 PM   #27
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Girls, you have made me feel so much better, stonger. Thank you for your support. It means the world to me. This hurts so much, but I know it's for the best. I can't make him someone he can't be and I won't even try. It just hurts to have been dumped after giving everything I had to the relationship and the business. And to be replaced so quickly? I feel so used, like I never meant anything to him. What makes her better than me? Is it because she's thinner than I am? I keep wondering that.
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Old 10-28-2008, 06:28 PM   #28
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What makes her better than me? Is it because she's thinner than I am? I keep wondering that.
Nope. Just different, or just new. If you feel like crap about yourself (and he must, even if he hides it, even from himself), you need to keep moving on to some new external thing to distract yourself.
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Old 10-28-2008, 11:05 PM   #29
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I'm so sorry to hear you are suffering, but I think in the long run he did you a big favor. I agree with those who said men usually leave for another woman. I've been with my husband for 35 years, but I know for sure if he left I would not be quick to rush out and look for another one. Just concentrate on yourself, you are so worth it, won't it be nice to not have to compromise with somebody who doesn't deserve you? I can tell from what you have written that you are a strong woman, you're going to be just fine.
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Old 10-29-2008, 12:04 AM   #30
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Girls, you have made me feel so much better, stonger. Thank you for your support. It means the world to me. This hurts so much, but I know it's for the best. I can't make him someone he can't be and I won't even try. It just hurts to have been dumped after giving everything I had to the relationship and the business. And to be replaced so quickly? I feel so used, like I never meant anything to him. What makes her better than me? Is it because she's thinner than I am? I keep wondering that.
You had a lot invested in this relationship so it's going to hurt for awhile. She is not better than you. Don't think that for a minute. Just because someone is thinner does not mean that they are better than a person who is larger. Not at all. Unfortunately, we live in a screwy society that places a huge amount of value on body size and as a result we become hard-wired to believe that if we are big, we are worthless, ugly, and do not deserve to be loved. At this point, don't try to hold yourself up to that woman because your ex decided to be involved with her. Don't empower him in this manner. He screwed up by leaving you. You are too good for him.

Your ex's new love interest cannot be better than you. How can she? She is going out with her boss who just dumped his fiance who is also her boss. That doesn't speak much to how much she respects people or her supervisors. As far as this goes, they deserve each other. You are too good for him.

Start loving yourself. There is nothing wrong for looking out for yourself. You are a kind and giving person, so turn all of that energy towards yourself. Dress yourself up, put on some nice make-up and look your best. This will make you start to feel better.
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