A few days back my fiance wanted to do something nice, i guess make me feel special, and i totally freaked out. I was sitting on his lap, facing him, and he tried picking me up and carrying me to our couch. I totally lost it, I found it completely impossible imagining anyone being strong enough to pick me up and carry me at the size I'm at. He kept trying to tell me to just let go and wrap my legs around him and I couldn't, the moment he went to stand up I screamed and started claiming he was going to drop me right on the coffee table. He let it go and I was shaking something fierce.
That got me to thinking about how he has tried lifting me before, though from a standing position, and did just fine, but he hasnt carried me before. So you think I would have taken that in consideration, but no in that instant I felt like I weighed as much as an elephant and freaked.
I do this all the time, there are so many things I wont do because my weight comes to mind. Odd fears which probably would never happen. I wont ride roller coaster because I fear the bars won't be able to resist my weight and come lose. I won't walk over sewer grates, sit in furniture that the seats are leather/cloth just suspended by being wrapped around the chairs bars.
How bout wicker furniture...though I may not be the only one that fears that. A million little ways these fears come out.
Even when we make love , sorry I hope i dont offend anyone, but if Im not on the bottom I ask every 10 seconds if Im hurting him or whenever he makes the tiniest gasp. I can tell he gets frustrated sometimes when i do that.
Anyone else seem to suffer from them? Or am I just too paranoid?
You're not the only one Teeni, I've felt the exact same way!
I don't have a fiancee, but my brothers always tried to pick me up (when I was already standing) and I would freak out and tell them to back off. Mainly cause I was afraid of them hurting themselves trying to lift me -- I don't think they had any idea how much I really weighed.
Same with going on rides and sitting in chairs. I always used to find the most stable chair...otherwise I'd just stand.
I wouldn't say you're too paranoid, but cut your fiancee a break and try not to worry so much! It sounds like he loves you and that makes you very lucky!
Yup. A few weeks ago (minor TMI here) my guy and I were making out and he hoisted me up onto the dresser. As we got more hot and heavy he grabbed me off the dresser to move me to the bed (literally involving putting his hands under my butt and turning around, not even taking a step) and I FREAKED out and demanded he put me down before he hurt himself. He just laughed and plunked me onto the bed.
But after, he asked me about it - and said that I obviously don't realize how much weight I've lost and how easy it is to pick me up now.
I am still a little weirded out by it - I haven't been with a man who has been able to pick me up since long before I was married. But I'm slowly becoming accustomed to the idea.
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Last edited by PhotoChick; 10-02-2008 at 07:55 PM.
No, you're not alone in your fears. But that doesn't mean that you can't work on them. Maybe now that you've had some time to think it though, you could ask your fiance to try it again. Ask him to pick you up and carry you just a little way. Maybe it would be a little scary....but it also might be a little fun. And then next time he tries to do something similar you might have an easier time accepting (and even enjoying) it.
#2 We've all had those thoughts I'm sure, I never say them out loud, but for sure I "scan" every new situation, be sure I'll "fit" somewhere, always mindful not to sit on something tiny so it shatters in a million little pieces.... but that's life, part of this life anyway, and hopefully we'll all get more boring and ordinary the smaller we get
but skinnies have weird things too LOL we're not psycho!
As everyone else has posted, you are NOT alone. I have the same thoughts you have mentioned. I avoid situations where I have to face my weight...my husband picking me up being one of them. When I do have to acknowledge my weight in front of people, I tend to crack jokes or be the one to state the obvious. Won't it be wonderful when we reach our goal weight and don't have to deal with that additional stress anymore!
We've all had those thoughts I'm sure, I never say them out loud, but for sure I "scan" every new situation, be sure I'll "fit" somewhere, always mindful not to sit on something tiny so it shatters in a million little pieces.... but that's life, part of this life anyway, and hopefully we'll all get more boring and ordinary the smaller we get
but skinnies have weird things too LOL we're not psycho!
How's that for some perspective...I love it (particularly the last part)!
If it makes you feel any better about rollercoasters - several years ago, not long before I met my husband, so I was around 360 lbs or more, I went to Great American and rode every rollercoaster they could lock me into. If the bar locked, it kept me in fine. There were a couple rides that they couldn't latch the bar, but not only was it obvious, but I was told I couldn't ride (sure it was embarassing, but not enough for me to sacrifice a good rollercoaster ride).
I can sympathize on weird fears. I won't sit on people's laps. A very good friend wanted a photo with every girl at his going away party - with the girl on his lap. He pushed and nagged, and I finally agreed. But, in the process, I "accidentally" {but gently} knocked him in the jaw with my elbow. It was embarrassing...but not as embarrassing as dropping my 225+ pounds onto his 125 pound frame.
The lap phobia started with hubby. I plopped myself down on his lap for a few photos after I had our first daughter, and I was pushing 270 pounds. He kinda pushed me away, and said that the way I was sitting cut off the flow of blood to his leg. It probably wasn't my weight, but I've still been phobic since then.
Hubby has never tried to carry me. I don't think he could even if I was at my goal weight. He's a skinny little thing. :P
Oh man can I relate. My skinny boyfriend is 6' tall and weighs 131 lbs, so you can imagine how I feel when he pulls me into a chair with him or whatever. I feel like I'm going to crush his bones into a fine, fine powder. One time he did this when he was sitting at the computer and he had his arm around me and would NOT let me go... and I ended up sitting there for a good 15 minutes. I kept asking him if I was crushing him and he kept saying "Nope." I have a hard time believing that, but I guess maybe I've lost enough to where maybe I don't kill people if I sit on their laps anymore. One time he kept saying that he could easily pick me up, and I didn't believe him, and well, he could... Haha. He was much more surprised that I could pick him up, though...
Last edited by LindseyLouWho; 10-03-2008 at 11:26 AM.
Same feelings here. I hate walking over sewer grates, but I think that comes from when I was a child and I was always afraid that I would fall into them. No Marilyn Monroe moments for me. My man partner never tries to pick me up and I am totally fine with that. The only time I worry about him is when he is trying to give me a hand up, then I am afraid that he will hurt himself, but he is very strong and he will be fine. All of these concerns and worries come with our weight. I hate flying. Even though the seatbelts fit, I hate how the arm rests won't go down because my leg is under them. Then the person next to me always pushes them until they figure out it is me who is causing the armrest to malfunction.
Irrational Fears
