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Any of you experience this?

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Old 09-29-2008, 12:59 PM   #1
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Default Any of you experience this?

As I'm losing (it's not showing on my ticker because I don't weigh myself that often. In the past, whenever I saw that I was losing, I'd "treat" myself, and gain it back. But that's another story), I find that I am noticing things about myself that I didn't notice before. Character traits that are a part of me that maybe I didn't want to look at too closely. (Maybe I covered them with fat?).

Today for example, a lot of the teachers and parents were congregating in front of my office and chatting and milling about and saying goodby at dismissal time. One of the teachers blew me a kiss good by. I nodded at her and immediately looked away.

I somehow caught myself doing that, and wondered why am I so uncomfortable with people paying attention to me? I don't think I'm uncomfortable with affection. At least with my kids and close friends I'm a very huggy-type person. But in certain types of situations, I definitely don't like being noticed, or made to be the center of attention. For example, at meetings, even a small meeing with a handful of people, I can't speak up. And my face turns red and I start stammering if I'm spoken to.

Anyway, I just noticed today and caught myself at it, and I wonder if it has to do with my being overweight, and I wonder if my now losing allows me to notice myself more.

I know I'm babbling, but does anyone understand?

I love this place. What I just put here in words felt like such a release. Like therapy.

I love this place!!!!
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Old 09-29-2008, 01:14 PM   #2
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I understand 100%! So much of me is in your story. For example, many times I'm complimented by clients on how "great a job I've done". I cant give it a simple TY, I instead say something like "yeah-yeah" or just move on immediatley to new topic. DONT put me in front of a group for ANY reason. OMG-YUCHHHH! Stammer/stutter to the max. I lose all control. Even typing this is stressful for me

I got on the scale for today for the first time in over a month. "no time" WT-?
(Last I checked, that takes about 5secs.) Anyways, 246 MY HIGHEST EVER. I do think weight has everything to do with my insecurities - and yet no improvement in either.
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Old 09-29-2008, 01:42 PM   #3
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I do the same thing! When I get a compliment, I either ignore it and pretend I didn't hear it, or I say something to the effect of "no big deal", or I compliment them back very quickly to deflect the compliment to me. Why do I do that?

In fact, recently I designed some paperwork for my boss, and she said she really liked it. I mumbled something and she looked at me and said "that was a compliment". I said thank you. But very uncomfortably.

Have you ever thought about why people do that?
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Old 09-29-2008, 01:52 PM   #4
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I believe that I've wrapped myself in fat like a security blanket. As it comes off there's a part of me that actually feels uncomfortable. When I sit down I always put a pillow over my stomach, and it's like someone pulling it away from me. It's more than the weight, it's why we've done it.
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Old 09-29-2008, 02:12 PM   #5
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I totally get the 1st part - the whole "i've lost weight i deserve a reward" type of thing, and I really noticed this summer how i put on weight. That sounds stupid, since i've been gaining weight forever LOL, but I see now how i LOSE weight, how i MAINTAIN, and more importantly how I GAIN! for me it's all in fast food and snacking after dinner, no matter WHAT type of snack.

As for the 2nd part, I'm a HAM and I admit it, i dig attention always have LOL and I've had to talk in front of people for a long time so it doesn't bother me anymore. What I have noticed is that when entering a new situation or location, i do a "quick recon" of the area to see where I can SIT comfortably, if the chairs are too TINY, etc., which is sad!
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Old 09-29-2008, 04:57 PM   #6
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I know exactly what you are talking about. I have never enjoyed being the center of attention, I'm more of a let me blend in with the crowd type. And I'm very uncomfortable with recieving affection. I can give it out with no problem, but recieving it is a whole nother story. I figure if I'm not happy with how I look, others can't be either, and when they do think I look good, it's weird to me. I think why, how come, and that can't be, they are just trying to make me feel good. It can't be what they really mean.

This is something I know I must work on, but it's one of the hardest things for me to get through my head.
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Old 10-01-2008, 07:08 AM   #7
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I both crave and get very uncomfortable with attention, particularly positive attention. I deflect it or just run from it...I make jokes, I deny it. I think fat helps you hide from a lot of stuff, and anesthetizes other things. I've reached the point where my weight loss is getting a lot of positive attention...and every time in the past this has resulted in my regain. I don't think that is coincidence. I'm determined that this time will be different.
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Old 10-01-2008, 07:24 AM   #8
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I love attention at a 1-on-1 level. It's nice to know someone cares or appreciates me. But ina group, I do the same thing...stutter, stammer, turn red. I admire people that can think on their feet...I never could in a group setting.
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Old 10-01-2008, 08:32 AM   #9
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Oh wow you couldn't have said it more perfectly! I do that constantly. When I receive compliments I just sort of brush them off because I feel like people are complimenting my face because my body is hideous. That's probably not the case at all but it's definitely an insecurity that comes with being over weight.
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Old 10-01-2008, 10:22 PM   #10
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Thank you all for letting me know I'm not alone in this type of insecurity. It's really been puzzling to me, and I've been working on myself in a lot of areas since my divorce. I've been trying to get healthier not just physically, but emotionally as well. And certainly we all know emotions and weight go hand-in-hand. So I made an appointment with a therapist to help me understand why I can't accept affection, compliments, attention of any sort.

So, if I hear anything profound, I'll let you know!

And as always, thanks for being here.
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Old 10-02-2008, 12:50 AM   #11
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I'll tell you what I noticed about me recently. I realized one day that I can not accept a compliment. I am always going out of my way to be the best and be "perfect" because I want ppl to like me but then if they pay me a compliment or brag on me for a job well done, I make excuses right away. I try to explain why it was nothing or I say something like it is not as good as I should have done. Why do I do that? I can never just say thank you, I have noticed before I have time to think the words are slipping out of my mouth and I am wondering why I tried so hard to get the copliment but I can not just accept it with a Thank you and move on.
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Old 10-02-2008, 10:17 AM   #12
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Sometimes it helps me to think about how it makes the other person feel when I deny their compliment like that. I think it's rude and unfriendly, so I'm trying hard to do better.
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Old 10-02-2008, 10:59 AM   #13
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I guess you're right. It is rude and unfriendly. Something else just happened here at work. I was on the phone with our Director or Education, and I was scheduling the next few months' worth of teacher meetings. My boss had asked me if we could schedule 2 of the meetings in a different location. The Director said we could do that for one of the meetings, the second we will be charged for that. My boss didn't want to pay, so she said she'll call the Director.

I heard her make the call from her office, and she was laughing and saying well, I guess that's why there was a miscommunication. She hung up and said the Director was just kidding, there was no charge.

I took that so personally. Were they laughing about me? We they saying I can't take a joke? She said it quite matter-of-factly, that there is a charge for changing location.

I guess I am way too sensitive. I don't even know why it's still bothering me.
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Old 10-02-2008, 01:00 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by avi0903 View Post
I guess you're right. It is rude and unfriendly. Something else just happened here at work. I was on the phone with our Director or Education, and I was scheduling the next few months' worth of teacher meetings. My boss had asked me if we could schedule 2 of the meetings in a different location. The Director said we could do that for one of the meetings, the second we will be charged for that. My boss didn't want to pay, so she said she'll call the Director.

I heard her make the call from her office, and she was laughing and saying well, I guess that's why there was a miscommunication. She hung up and said the Director was just kidding, there was no charge.

I took that so personally. Were they laughing about me? We they saying I can't take a joke? She said it quite matter-of-factly, that there is a charge for changing location.

I guess I am way too sensitive. I don't even know why it's still bothering me.
Don't take it personally. It sounds as if the director was kidding around with you but did not clarify. This has happened to me before. Also, you were listening to one side of the conversation. I do that too and begin to assume things. Just let this one go.

FWIW, if someone compliments you. You do not have to return the compliment. I, too, hate attention, but because of my job, I have had to get used to it. I used to always have this little voice telling me that I did not deserve to be complimented. I decided to kick that biotch out of my life.

It's good that you decided to go to a therapist. It helps so much. I did it and found out a lot about myself. Take care.
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Old 10-02-2008, 02:16 PM   #15
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Default I Have the same problem....

Hi every1....
I have the same problem with receiving compliments.....I Love them but always after the fact when I'm receiving a compliment I am embarrassed and I feel it isn't a weight thing as I know many people who experience the same feeling but I feel it to be a self esteem issue. I have struggled with this for years and have learned to just except the compliment even if I feel uncomfortable.....because in the end it is a great lift for my self esteem.
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