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I can't stop lying...

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Old 09-12-2008, 07:27 PM   #1
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Default I can't stop lying...

I swear I am a really honest person...Sometimes too honest! I don't lie to cover my own a$$ when I probably should.

BUT...(isn't there always a but?)

When I started gaining weight, I could never bring myself to admit to others that I had actually gained over 100 lbs. Since I am tall...no one would believe it anyway.

Now I have lost almost 45 lbs and I am still lying about it! When people ask how much I have lost, I tell them that I have lost about 30 lbs. I still can't admit that I have that much extra weight to loose. By the time I loose the 100 lbs...I might admit to 70 of it...

I feel so guilty about lying...I don't know why I have to be so dishonest about this one thing...It's not like they can't tell that I am fat! Now I feel guilty for being fat and for lying.
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Old 09-12-2008, 08:22 PM   #2
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Me too. I've lost 59 lbs but to everybody not on line, I've only lost 20 or 30 lbs. I'm a friggin liar and me pants are on fire. Its just too humiliating to tell the truth and really, weightloss is such a personal thing, it doesnt matter. Its private. Tell them what you think they need to hear. Its white lie anyways.
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Old 09-12-2008, 08:25 PM   #3
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djay, I can understand that.

Actually, you don't have to tell anyone how much you weigh or how much you have lost. I always say "Oh, about X" if it's just someone asking out of curiosity. Only my closest family members know the actual numbers.

Don't feel guilty about this--there's a good reason why people may not want to tell how much they weighed. Given how judgmental some others are, naturally one doesn't want to just "fess up" to everyone.

You just keep on with your plan and don't worry about it.

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Old 09-12-2008, 08:30 PM   #4
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I have to admit that when I started this it hurt me to admit that I was at that point. I finally, after I lost about 10 pounds and people saw that I was serious about seeing it through, I admitted to everyone who knew me how serious my problem was. I even broke it down into how many pounds a year i had gained.

I never told my boyfriend how much I was when I started, i told him 260, same weight as him, when I was 10 pounds heavier. He is the only one I haven't been entirely honest with and I think once I have lost 50 pounds I will finally break down and tell him. I'm so ashamed of myself because he loved me through the whole thing and I am the one that caused his hike in weight. I let the depression that came with the weight hinder our relationship. He had his faults too - but I ruined him in the long run. I don't know if this is something I will ever forgive myself for unless I get rid of this 130 pounds.

It hurt to admit it - but I felt it kept me honest with my self and kept me accountable for what I was putting in my face.

I still weigh myself alone and only allow you guys to see what my true progress is. But then again, if it wasnt for this site and you guys I dont know if I would still be at it.
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Old 09-12-2008, 08:31 PM   #5
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Well djay, even healthcare workers are not supposed to share that information without your written consent (HYPPA law, however you spell that). I don't really know why anyone would even want to know how much someone else has lost or how much they weigh? Seems like a really nosey question to me. The most I've ever said when I notice someone has lost weight is "Hey you look great!"

Maybe you can make light of the intrusive questions and say something like "More than I thought I could, don't I look fab?"

Give yourself permission to not tell people things just because they ask
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Old 09-12-2008, 08:41 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by suenami View Post
Give yourself permission to not tell people things just because they ask
That is what I really need to remember! I know that in my head...but when someone is in front of me asking me questions...I don't know why I feel like I HAVE to answer them...I think it is a self confidence thing.
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Old 09-12-2008, 08:41 PM   #7
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You don't have an obligation to reveal personal information about yourself, any personal information. If you are not comfortable with a dishonest answer, you can just honestly say you don't want to discuss it, or give a technically true answer that doesn't reveal the information you don't want to share.

Over 30 lbs - is a technically true answer, whether you've lost 30.1 lbs or 200.

"More than I care to admit," is also a good answer, it reminds the person that they've asked a personal question. If you're dealing with someone stubborn or too clueless to get the hint, or you just really want to stress this isn't a topic you want to discuss, "more than I'm comfortable discussing with anyone but my doctor," or even, "that's a little personal, don't you think?"

Anyone who persists is being rude, and you have a right to tell them so as harshly as needed to get the point across.
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Old 09-12-2008, 09:01 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by djay View Post
...I don't know why I feel like I HAVE to answer them...I think it is a self confidence thing.
It's because you're a nice person. I'm not being sarcastic, you are nice and want others to think you are nice. I got a crash course in all of that when we had a special needs child and quickly figured out that when people asked rude questions, they didn't really want to know the answer. They really just wanted to give me advice and/or gossip about me.
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Old 09-12-2008, 09:46 PM   #9
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I hate making a big deal about it to friends/acquaintances also. I always estimate...on the low side. I have told some people the whole ugly truth though...my sisters, mom, dh. Not because they asked. I just needed to say it out loud I think????
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Old 09-12-2008, 09:55 PM   #10
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A very persistent family friend kept exclaiming at a party that I must have lost 30 pounds. No way I would correct her, my closest friend (who knows how much I'm down) and I just exchanged looks.

While my close peeps and all of you know, there's not much chance I would tell anyone who asked. I'm not proud I've lost 108 pounds, I'm ashamed I got to the place where I needed to lose that.

When asked I just say "A lot!". So far no one has pressed the issue. It must be that intimidating glare I give

There's no need to feel guilty for whatever reason you don't want to share. None at all. This is a personal issue, it's all yours babe.

Last edited by FB : 09-12-2008 at 09:57 PM.
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Old 09-13-2008, 12:15 AM   #11
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Eh, it's your own business and preference what you choose to share with others and imo lying or dishonesty is ONLY acceptable in personal matters, to spare privacy. If someone asks you, "How much weight did you lose?" and you want to keep that info private, imo it's totally fine to not be completely truthful.

If you spent all of this morning getting waxed and someone asked you "So, what did you do this morning?" imo I feel you'd also be under no obligation to say, "getting a bikini wax" and "Oh, I ran an errand" would be totally acceptable.
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Old 09-13-2008, 12:57 AM   #12
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I completely understand where you are coming from
I was semi-successful for awhile on a diet when I was in high school ( then it all came back and them some, hence the reason I have found my way to this wonderful sight) but anyways... A lot of people would tell me how great I looked and then ask me how much I lost.

It would make me feel so awkward and uncomfortable that I would just tell them I didn't know or I wasn't really sure. When of course I knew exactly how much I had lost and exactly how much I weighed.

Maybe it is just because I am more on the shy side, but I don't think there is a need to tell people how much weight you have lost nor do I think it is appropriate for people to ask. If you are willing to offer it up, thats great, but never feel obligated to give an answer if you aren't comfortable to do so!
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Old 09-13-2008, 07:18 AM   #13
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While it is very true that you don't need to give an answer, the trick to this is making sure you have one. Folks have suggested several good ones "More than I care to admit" "A lot". Some others that work for me "I don't know, I'm not focussing on the scale." "Not as much as I would like to".

Prepare and rehearse your answer...part of the reason we answer questions we don't want to answer is because we don't have an alternative ready, and that leaves us at a loss.

I have the same shame issues about my weight...and while a very few folks know the number I've lost I don't plan to publicize it. Maybe they will think I have always been a small size and just lost 10 pounds!
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Old 09-13-2008, 09:28 AM   #14
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I have no problems at all telling people how much I have lost because I am very proud of it BUT I don't tell them how much I have left to lose because they can do the math and realize that with what I have lost and what I have left would be 100 pounds!! Yikes!! I just say I've lost "X" pounds and my goal is 140 so I still have alittle bit to go. Normally after that, they don't ask anymore questions.
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Old 09-13-2008, 10:04 AM   #15
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Default Here's an idea

My girlfriend's daughter has been overweight her entire life. I don't know what she weighed but I do know I would buy her size 24 sweaters at Christmas. She is just 28 and engaged and something finally clicked that she is going to get going. I do not see her often and when I did she was down about 20 pounds and I told her she looked beautiful and we hugged and she thanked me. Then I saw her recently and she is SKINNY !! I am guessing she lost another 60 or 80 pounds and I foolishly asked her how much she had lost and her reply was :
"I don't get on a scale, I don't want to be defined by a number." We continued to talk and she said she is just committed to getting healthy !!
Good Answer
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