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The Beach and the battle of being bummed out.

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Old 09-02-2008, 04:58 PM   #1
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Thumbs down Fat Girl at the Beach and the Battle of Being Bummed Out.

Walking down the beach in the last weekend of a long summer. My legs hurt, my dogs are pulling me faster and I just keep thinking about the grains of sand embedded in my thighs and the impending rash that will result from them. I wade into the water to try to get rid of the substance and the bottoms of my shorts get soaked, begin to fall down, exposing my stomach.

I just sat there, staring at the waves rolling in, wondering what the **** I got myself into being almost 270 pounds. I wish I could say I remember the days when being at the beach at sunset made you feel beautiful but in this moment in time I feel frumpy and hopeless. 130 pounds seems so far away. The idea of being able to wear a bathing suit that doesn’t ride up or expose me would be one of the greatest accomplishments. Just to be able to wear a suit under normal clothes. To take those clothes off and wear the suit and not have to sit in the car soaking wet and itchy because I am too ashamed to remove my clothes in public.

I am in this personal war with myself these past few weeks. I am not giving up by any means but the frustrations that come with dieting, losing pounds one week, not losing the next, working harder only to level the scale when you stand on it, is really getting to me.

I know it is ignorant to expect change over night. But I feel like I am not making the progress I should be. Because of that I am being stricter on myself, which might be doing more damage than it is good.

I am looking at it as an addiction. But what the sick sad part is that with a drug addict – there is a clear line – that you can’t have that substance. With overeating – you have to have that “drug” in order to survive but you have to take it in moderation. You have to deal with the food commercials jammed in your face ever minute of every day. You can change the channel, or go for a walk but the billboards haunt you. It is everywhere.

I know I have the problem and I know I am going to fix it but the journey is becoming more distracting and more torturous as the weeks turn into months. It has taken over my mind frame and the battle is all I can think about.

The things that don’t kill you will only make you stronger – but what if what is supposed to make you stronger is killing you?
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Old 09-03-2008, 02:44 AM   #2
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Hang in there Losing weight is not easy, it has to be one of the hardest things we'll ever do. You can do it! The longer you stick to the plan the easier it gets. We all go through bumpy times though, just hang tough!
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Old 09-03-2008, 06:42 AM   #3
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Hey! I know what you mean, Belle. The shock of realization.

It's true that a drug addict can give the substance up totally, whereas to lose weight one cannot just stop eating forever. But several things can help. There's a middle ground between eating everything all the time, and not eating at all.

One of the things that can help is a reasonable plan for eating. My experience has been that food cannot be left up to chance if I expect to lose. It doesn't have to be a week-long plan, although it could be--but it does help to know what's happening at every meal or snack--at least have options--and have the foods on hand.

Note that the words are "reasonable plan." That means that cutting your foods too much is not a good idea. It's not reasonable. It's too hard to stick with.

Another helpful thing is support. Some people need more than others. For some, a site like 3FC is great. Others need face to face or group support. Weight Watchers, TOPS... And some are fine going it alone-- only you know what will work for you.

So Belle, don't give up--but keep trying other things than what you've tried in the past, if they aren't working.

As far as staying with your plan--you're the one who has control over what goes into your mouth. No one else is going to hold you down and force foods between your teeth! So, get tough with yourself. Think long term for results, short term for eating-- That means, realize it's going to take months, but make sure you have a sound plan today.

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Old 09-03-2008, 07:02 AM   #4
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You got some great advice, but I'd like to add something too. I think it's important not to focus on the entire goal (which I'm sure you already know, but it's good to sometimes remind yourself). Turn that voice off that gives you the negative talk because that doesn't get you to where you want to be. On the contrary...it is what leads you down the wrong path (not that it will, but it's more likely to). I would take a deep breath and set some short term goals. I, personally, like to think of it as 5 lbs. at a time and soon enough, they add up to 10, 15, 20, etc. Just hang in there and you'll get there, but try to change the voice into a positive one. Taking this jorney is a monumental effort, so give yourself some credit! You're already losing weight and heading in the right direction.

As far as the beach, I feel your pain. How about wearing a light dress over your bathing suit? That's what I've done. I've also worn a sarong. I could tell you not to worry about what other people think, but we are social creatures, so that is something I personally can't change myself!

Does this make any sense? Sorry if it's not coming out right, but I have major insomnia and didn't sleep all night. I'm trying not to eat until breakfast time, but it's hard. If I didn't feel too lazy to go downstairs, I'd have eaten by now!

Ok, back to the eating...I highly recommend planning your meals ahead. Personally, I'm a calorie counter. I'm not perfect with it and I don't always know how many calories something is (especially if someone else made it), but I look things up online and figure it out as best as I can. I did give up one addiction (I'm a food addict as well, so I can totally relate) and that is diet soda. I really feel like it was making me hungrier and when I found out that there were studies that proved this, I had to quit it. It took me several attempts, but it can be done.

Anyway, I hope you're feeling better now. I really do. HUGS to you from a fellow chick.
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Old 09-03-2008, 07:51 AM   #5
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Being obese will kill you.

So, what's the alternative? To keep trying and trying until you get it right. Don't give up on yourself. You deserve the rewards of staying on-plan.
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Old 09-03-2008, 08:26 AM   #6
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Yep, absolutely, 130 pounds seems so very far away. In fact, it is far away.

It's good to have an end goal in mind. It is. It's fine to think about things in the future and at that goal. But, it really stalls us when we only think about that goal.

If I began my own journey only thinking about the 180 lbs I had to go, I'd probably depress myself right out of action. Yes, I think about it. But, now... I only have to think about the 80 pounds left. Sure, even 80 pounds seems like a long way. It is a long way.

Shorter goals, many non-scale related, have helped me get this far. 10% at a time. Little games in my head about drinking all my water, eating all my fruits & vegetables for the day, and hopping on the treadmill for my exercise.

Even after losing 20 pounds I felt a difference in my body. Just knowing that I was doing better for myself. Knowing that I was working on it, made a difference.

If you need something to distract you from the bigger goal, put the scale away. Make a chart, and simply keep track of your water, food & exercise. Reward yourself for the days that you're OP. (Not with food.) Pull the scale out after a couple of non-scale weeks and get some feedback. Even if the weight doesn't come off as fast as we'd like, eating what our bodies need, and allowing our bodies to move as they were made to, it's all part of the process and really does make a world of difference.
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Old 09-03-2008, 09:01 AM   #7
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I do, I do know how you feel. Just last night, I was berating myself over letting the weight come on me like this. Telling myself that if I had even just come to the realization 45 pounds ago, I would only have 60 pounds to lose, and 60 seems so much easier than 100 to me right now.

And some nights, sitting at home with the SO while working on graphic design, I have the urge to just quit. He doesn't mind the weight, and I'd feel much happier at that moment in time if I just gave up and plopped down with him to eat chips.

But I know by morning, I'll be at work, trying to make a size 18 look mature and classy for my day job, and knowing that I'm failing at it. So I keep on...cutting up an apples in the morning to take to work as snacks, packing my lunch, looking forward each day and praying that the scale isn't a disappointment.

You've already started...time to keep going. on your weight loss already, by the way, and on being an eloquent writer who shares all this with us.
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Old 09-03-2008, 09:06 AM   #8
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I am starting to think that sometimes our attitude defeats us before we even get a chance to get started. We really have to believe that this is possible and that we are capable of achieving our goals.

Don't look at the 130 lbs you want to lose. Look at it in smaller chunks. 10 lbs at a time.

Start thinking about what you can do...have a healthy breakfast...go for a walk. Focus on the positive!
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Old 09-03-2008, 09:40 AM   #9
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You have already gotten great advice here but I know how you feel about 130 pounds feeling so far away. I started weighing in at 241 and chose my goal weight of 140 because I did not want to think I had over 100 pounds to go. It's tough to think about. I started out with my first short goal to be getting under 200 pounds. I wanted to hit onderland!! When I finally did, it was a great feeling!! It kept me going and then all I wanted was to be out of the 190's *lol* Now I take it 10 pounds at a time. I don't think of the long term because it will drive you nuts!!

I am a beach lover and I spent sooo much time in the past years wearing clothes instead of a bathing suit feeling miserable just like you described. I'm a people watcher and I started noticing that people bigger than me were wearing bathing suits....sometimes even 2 pieces! I admired them for their bravery and I finally went and bought me a bathing suit (one piece of course). People stared at me either way...in a bathing suit or fully clothed in the middle of the summer. I finally got to the point where I could care less what others were saying....it felt good in a suit and I no longer felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. You'll never see those people again anyways. This past month I went to the beach on vacation and with the weight loss and a smaller suit...I felt like the hottest person out there!! *lol* Everyone else saw me as the fat girl I'm sure but I felt great and you will get to that point too!! You can do it and enjoy those walks down the beach. Just keep your goals in mind and make sure you chose obtainable ones so that you are not easily discouraged.
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Old 09-03-2008, 10:08 AM   #10
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When I started 100 lbs. seems sooooo far away. I am so happy about what I've lost so far, but you know what? 32 lbs. still seems sooooo far away. Maybe as far as the whole 100. Maybe that's because it goes more slowly now. But when I lose a few now it makes a huge difference, whereas before, not so much. I just decided to let my natural stubborness help me along here. I don't care how much it is, I am going to stick with it until I get there (wherever it is I'm going). If I fall, I will get up and keep going. I can do this and so can you. It doesn't require any great willpower or motivation, it just requires you to decide you are going to take it day by day, and stick with it. Along the way you will have many victories and benefits to help you along. Don't make the mistake of thinking you will not feel good until it's ALL gone. Just not true.
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Old 09-03-2008, 10:32 AM   #11
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You know what really helped me to keep going?

If you ever feel like giving up... just keep in mind that somewhere down the road, you're going to wish you had kept going. Somewhere down the road you're going to want to lose weight again. Somewhere down the road you're goign to regret giving up. Do you want to deal with that regret? Or do you want to be somewhere down the road lighter, happier, and healthier?
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Old 09-03-2008, 12:13 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JayEll View Post
Think long term for results, short term for eating-- That means, realize it's going to take months, but make sure you have a sound plan today.

Jay
You know, Jay, I think this might be my main problem. I m really growing to dislike the weight watcher system and the counting of points. It makes it so that food is ALL I think about. All day, all night, I wake up and go to sleep thinking about food. Forcing me to add more food when I exercise. I stopped counting because I know what a portion size is, I know that I shouldn't have all of the garbage I was once shoving in my face, I know that butter and whole milk are the devil. But once i started making my own decisions and stopped counting the points - things became flat. The scale stopped moving. I know for a fact that i am not over eating, and have since gone back to counting points, but I feel like I am stuck in a plan that is mentally screwing with me every chance it gets.
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Old 09-03-2008, 12:21 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luckymommy View Post
Personally, I'm a calorie counter. I'm not perfect with it and I don't always know how many calories something is (especially if someone else made it), but I look things up online and figure it out as best as I can. I did give up one addiction (I'm a food addict as well, so I can totally relate) and that is diet soda. I really feel like it was making me hungrier and when I found out that there were studies that proved this, I had to quit it. It took me several attempts, but it can be done.

Anyway, I hope you're feeling better now. I really do. HUGS to you from a fellow chick.

Hey Lucky,

I have a question for you - seeing that you are a calorie counter. I registered for Fitday (because it seemed like an interesting way to track progress) and I found something there called Calories Restrictions? It says that my "restriction" should be 956 - does that mean that I should stop eating once I have hit that level? I know that a basic calorie intake is something like 2000 or under... so am I missing something?

I am feeling better now, thank you, I was in a really crappy spot yesterday and all I could think about was actually going on my first binge. I needed something in my face and It was like some weird control switch going off in my head and the only thing that kept me from doing it was the thought of me at the beach the other day. Even though I was thinking about how awful I felt it was like some weird obsession with just chewing on something. I needed and craved it. It was just downright heartbreaking because I couldn't fight it. I kept it to a minimum but I still went a little crazy and paid the price in mental lashings. Thank you so much for reading my insane banter. I write for a living and I needed to vent sooooooo bad.
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Old 09-03-2008, 12:58 PM   #14
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What has helped me is to focus on an exercise or fitness goal instead of just the weight goal. I am doing the webwalking program and have split it up into smaller goals to get to the end within a year. i find now I focus daily on the miles/minutes I need for that, and the weight focus has fallen to an after-thought. Just giving myself something else to achieve that isn't driven by the scale has changed the focus for me...and that focus will drive the scale down in return. So, do you exercise? If not, START! It really is necessary. If you do, set some goals, think how you can improve your strength, your running time, whatever, how can you push yourself in that area?

I think that moment at the beach was your "aha!" moment, where you just got sick enough of yourself that you felt hopeless and disgusted. I believe we have to get there before we're ready and willing to make the huge sacrifices it takes to switch into a healthy lifestyle. It will only get worse if you don't start making the changes. Make this rock bottom, and rise up . You CAN DO IT!!!!

You do have to find a plan that works for you, that you can live with for life. WW sounds like it's not your thing, you should look around and try other things. I lost most of my weight calorie counting, but it became too much work, so now I use a combo of lifestyle rules I can live with forever, which control my eating without counting...I don't eat after 6PM, cut out sugar completely, and eat the same breakfast everyday. A lot of days same lunch as well, but right now breakfast is all that has clicked as daily lifestyle for me. It is working for me...but it won't work for everyone, you have to find what fits your life and personality.
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Old 09-03-2008, 01:18 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xYourBelleMortex View Post
Forcing me to add more food when I exercise.
You don't have to eat back the Activity Points you earn. That's your choice whether or not you do.

Quote:
but I feel like I am stuck in a plan that is mentally screwing with me every chance it gets.
Well, it sounds like the WW Flex Plan doesn't fit your life. Have you thought of trying a different plan to see how that works?
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