A TEENSY RANT IS AHEAD!
I am struggling with the following:
*returning to work after two years on disability and despite a lot of it being medical, I am somewhat paranoid about the "emotional" bit and feel some of my co-workers are "looking at me funny" (not that I blame them). I will admit, I had a good old-fashioned nervous breakdown but there were many factors, personal illness, cancer, parental deaths, relationships ending, change of job, change of schools....Hercules would have crumbled!
*the end of summer which to me means it is fall which to me just means it is nearly winter..which to me means life worth living is about nine months or April away (I am a clinically perfect/write me up in the textbook case of SAD or seasonal affective disorder)
*despite spending multitudinous unpaid hours at work in June and in the past week preparing to return, I still feel totally unconnected and not ready....and there will probably be a class shakeup (hire new teacher as all classes are at 31 plus) , move of rooms, and total screw up of everything we have already done, by the middle of September, but the board knew that was coming in June, yet is still isn't done....hope that vaguely makes sense.
*I have been so tied up in returning to work my entire program has gone to **** ... little working out, eating somewhat carefully but not balanced, stress program..well THAT IS OUT THE WINDOW
* I lost my room with the nice big southern windows and have been moved into an airless gray concrete block cubicle which I have to share with someone...I am neat freak..she is a slob LOL HELP!
* my "client/student" list has grown to ridiculous numbers but my time allocation hasn't. No matter how many times I tell myself this is a situation NOT of my making, I am still the "front-line soldier in the trench who takes the flack" not the general who commands everything from a safe ten miles away.
ON that note, I do have my clothes ironed for tomorrow, I am having lunch with friends at 1 PM so that I can ENFORCE the fact that I work HALFTIME..thus am going to work HALFTIME...instead of being paid halftime and WORKING FULLTIME!
Not sure what I want anyone to say to me, I just neede dto put this in writing...I am off to take one of the very very very rare sleeping pills I use and just plain hope for the best!