Therapy
 

Just got back from a walk and was thinking about this weight loss journey of mine. I'm floating because I hit onederland today, but then I found myself wondering when exactly did I start thinking 199 pounds was a good thing?

I realized that the weight gain always came easy. Sometimes I was amazed at how fast it came on. I saw a show one time with people who weighed 500lbs. or more and they said they would sometimes gain 20 pounds a month and I found myself understanding what they said. I also knew that it was a very thin rope that was holding me back from becoming one of those 500lb. people. I binge and eating gets out of control for me. I go into denial and only look at my face in the mirror. It's amazing how good you can look when your main mirror is the cars rearview one - I looked hot in that (not)!!

I've dieted so many times with an event in mind - this time it started with my looming 20th high school reunion in September. January 8th and 256 pounds. I've even had friends come to town that I really wanted to see but made excuses not to because I had gained so much weight. Pretty sad. But somehow during my walk today I realized that when I control my eating my life feels in control. I have no doubt that I have triggers and major food issues, but unlike people on drugs - there's no rehab. I have to be in control of my eating every day - and finally I realized I'll be doing this forever. This weight of 199 does feel good because I worked so hard to get here, and I know the ones below it will feel even better. I guess I have to adopt that one day at a time mantra and stay in control of myself. I think in the past I always slipped up and gave up because it's so overwhelming to be on guard all the time, and so much easier to just give in. This time feels different - I don't even think of the reunion when I'm sweating on that treadmill, I think about how good I feel. I've lost 57 lbs and my husband doesn't seem to care or notice, my parents (who nagged me all my life about being heavy) haven't commented once on my loss, but you know what? This is finally for me, and maybe that's why I'm finding some success. (Although I can't lie and say some compliments wouldn't hurt:^:). Thank goodness for this community and all of your support!

WTG! Doing it for yourself is the only way to be successful. I'm sorry you're not getting more support from your family, but I'm glad you came here to find the support you need.

:hug:

It's such an amazing feeling to be doing something truly and wholly for yourself.

Giving up always feels easier. Harder long term, but who's looking at long term when there are extra brownies to be had?

I'm so happy to be reading that you're feeling good about your changes. Especially the treadmill. I know exactly how that rush feels.

Keep it all up! :cheer3:

What an awesome, honest, and inspiring post!! Congrats on your journey so far (199... Woohoo!!!!), and I know more good things are in store for you! keep up the excellent work!

You don't really need family to support you through your journey. You just needed to finally find the right reasons to be healthy and lose weight! Trust me that is enough motivation when you find it! Congrats again for hitting onederland and remember we are always here!

While reading you post just now, I was overwhelmed by the fact that it all sounded so familiar. "I've even had friends come to town that I really wanted to see but made excuses not to because I had gained so much weight." "I have no doubt that I have triggers and major food issues, but unlike people on drugs - there's no rehab."
At moments like this you truly do wish you could just pop thru the computer screen and give a HUGE HUGG. Congrats! and keep the good work!

Skinnyinsideandout,

Hi -- wow can I relate I have lost over 50 pounds and my husband has not seemed to notice and my parents who were really pushing me are now inviting me out to dinner and happy hour ??? (more my mom then dad) -- I was so excited to be in a size 14W-- and wondered the same thing how can this be???

But honestly I am looking forward to the 199 point just to be under 200 will be an accomplishment so celebrate your success -- I can't wait to join you in 7 pounds--

Congratulations!!

Congratulations on so many many achievements. I know how to diet, I know how to exercise, I don't know (but I am working on it) how to deal with the emotional aspects. I am sorry you aren't getting support at that end, but you know you have so many rooting for you on this end. ONEDERLAND welcomes another one! HUGE HUGS and HURRAHS!:bravo:

Yep - you hit it right on the head. I TOTALLY feel the same way. I had a friend come to town that I hadn't seen in 3 years and I really wanted to see him. But I missed him and made no effort to get in touch with him until AFTER he left.

What a waste of life! This has recently hit home for me that time is "a wasting". What am I waiting for? This time, it is for ME! In the famous words of Bon Jovi "It's my life, and its now or never!"

Your husband does notice. There is a good chance he doesn't say much for fear it that what he says might be the wrong thing to say. He might fear that if he encourages you, you'll feel he thought ill of you when your weight was higher, etc. So long as he is not sabotaging you deliberately, assume he is on your side.
Keep up the fantastic work! You know it is worth it!