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The rudest thing I have ever heard

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Old 08-09-2008, 07:19 PM   #1
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I could just cry right now! I don't know if I'm sad or angry, mostly angry, and I feel like strangling my stupid mother. I've posted about this a few times on here - my mom seems to think that she can "distract" me from my weight loss by offering me unhealthy foods all the time, but I feel so triumphant about the fact that so far her efforts to sabotage me have failed, muahaha - well it seems like I finally have some proof that she really is my biggest enemy!

Just now I was in the kitchen making some steamed vegetables (yea!) when I overheard her talking to my father. He commutes home every other weekend, so I really don't see him much, so he hasn't really witnessed the degree of my weight loss--how much I've changed my eating habits, how much I've been exercising, etc. Just as some background information, so far I've lost 18 pounds. Unfortunately I binged a little bit more than I would have liked on my birthday 4 days ago (August 5th) but I got back on track RIGHT away and am already 2 lbs lighter than I was before my birthday.

Right, well, I overheard my mom talking to my dad (keep in mind that they didn't know I could hear them) and she asked him about whether he saw me doing my workout DVD this morning... Almost in a joking manner, like "oh, how cute that she's working out." He replied that yeah, he had seen me, and seemed a little curious about it. So I'm smiling, thinking, maybe she'll tell him about how hard I've been working about how much weight I've lost! WRONG. Instead she starts laughing a little and says "She lost something like 15 pounds... 'gained it all back on her birthday!" She's chuckling in the most condescending, b****y way that you can ever imagine.

WTF. Ok first of all, how is it even possible to gain 15 pounds back in ONE DAY? So that's just a straight up lie. Second, it's not even true! I probably gained like 0.8 lbs from my birthday - big f***ing deal! I got right back on track and I basically vowed that I'd never binge again because of how terrible it made me feel. It was my first time overeating since starting my plan, and I know that it will be the last. Third, HOW DARE SHE even say something like that in the first place?! She was actually LAUGHING at me, like all of my hard work is just a big fat JOKE to her. I feel like she just HATES the fact that I actually AM losing weight, so in her sick twisted mind she basically claims it as a victory that I gain even the tiniest bit of weight back. Grrrrrr. I had been really upset when I thought I was going to gain a lot of weight from overeating on my birthday, and though I usually know better than to turn to HER for support (we've never gotten along so well) I had actually let my guard down for a couple seconds and let her see how much it upset me that I had overeaten and might gain some weight. I can't believe that something that was so serious and disappointing for me is just a big joke to her--a little anecdote that she can share with my dad to get a few laughs. WELL, now I know better than to ever confide in her again.

I can't believe this... My mother is such a mean, terrible person. How do I even tolerate living in this house?! I can't wait until I can go back to school and just get away from her. She makes ME a worse person.

Sorry for the uber-long message (especially since it doesn't accomplish much) but I just really needed to vent. I need someone to tell me that I'm not overreacting and that she really is just way out of line. This ISN'T my imagination.
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Last edited by Star2Be : 08-09-2008 at 07:20 PM.
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Old 08-09-2008, 07:28 PM   #2
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You're not overreacting. Wow, I'm so sorry that your mom can't find it in herself to be supportive and love you the way she should. That's really not fair to you, and I know it makes the weight loss process so much harder when she's actively trying to sabotage you. Try to remember that it's her issue and she's just feeling threatened by your weight loss. It won't take away the pain of her mean behavior, but maybe it will help you keep it together until you leave for school.

You're doing great! Don't let this set you back.
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Old 08-09-2008, 07:28 PM   #3
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Have you thought about bringing this up to her? That you heard what she said? A gentle reminder that parents are there to support you might be helpful.
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Old 08-09-2008, 07:32 PM   #4
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Hopefully your summer break is coming to an end very soon. Hang in there, and if nothing else, work harder to stay on plan just to spite her.
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Old 08-09-2008, 07:58 PM   #5
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Poor you! I can't believe your mom is being so hateful! Are you close to your Dad? Can you talk to him? Focus on the future. Imagine how it's going to be when she sees you again and you're in even better shape, she'll be rotten with jealousy!
You have lost 18 lbs, that is an amazing success!
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Old 08-09-2008, 08:11 PM   #6
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This is absolutely horrible. I cringed reading this. I can't imagine someone that loves me acting in such a juvenille, spiteful way.
You're not over reacting. You expect someone you love and care about to be supportive of you!
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Old 08-09-2008, 08:28 PM   #7
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I'm sorry your mom isn't supportive and feels it's OK to say mean things about you. Maybe she hasn't been able to accomplish her own goals and feels like your success makes her look bad. Or she's worried that your dad might "like you better" than her if you get thin and she doesn't, so she's trying to make you look bad to him or enlist his support in making fun of weight loss so that she feels like he still accepts her at her current weight. Who knows? How do you know that they didn't know you could hear them?

Another thought is that maybe your mom equates food with love or her "duty as a mother to feed her children," so if you're losing weight, subconsciously that equals you rejecting her as a mom. She doesn't know how else to relate to you than over food, which she also resents because we know deep down that food isn't really love.

How does your dad feel? Have you tried talking to him, just the two of you? Maybe he has some suggestions about how to deal with your mom?

Another thing: You may be able to move out of the house when school starts again, but your mother's influence will follow you through life unless you deal with it. At least, that's been my experience.
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Old 08-09-2008, 08:30 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fiberlover View Post


Have you thought about bringing this up to her? That you heard what she said? A gentle reminder that parents are there to support you might be helpful.
As someone that had a parent like that, I just want to add that if you do bring it up, don't have any expectations. It's likely she won't be able (or willing) to acknowledge any wrong-doing. Anytime she starts to act like that, just remind yourself that she's coming from a place of fear and self-loathing (probably, I don't know the back story, so I'm just using personal experience to fill in the blanks). Just try to imagine how much it must suck to be living in her head. Remembering that usually helped me keep my cool.
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Old 08-09-2008, 08:52 PM   #9
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My mom is almost the exact same way. I use her negativity as a fire for me to "show" her that I can do it and prove her wrong. I think, with my mom, she is jealous that I can have that much control and self discipline to lose the weight in a healthy way.
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Old 08-09-2008, 09:05 PM   #10
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I grew up with a hateful spiteful mother as well. I hate to even use the term "mother" because now I know what a mother really is, and I'm sorry that you are not getting the love and support each human deserves from a mother. Some of us are cheated from that, either by mental illness or just cruelty and abuse that has no basis, rational or irrational.

You deserve to have someone who celebrates your success, not mocks you, and I know how hard it is to have your struggles thrown back in your face. I am so very sorry.

I promise that you can pick yourself up. I promise that you can build the kind of life you dream about. I promise that you can overcome this horrendous model of parenting and be a fabulous loving parent someday if you decide to be a parent. I am living proof that the abuse cycle can stop and that a person can live a life filled with light and love and joy. Happiness is a decision, and you can make that decision. Success is a decision. Health is a decision.

Come here for your support. Feel your backbone stregthen and hide that strength in a pocket of your heart. Take your sadness and adversity and turn it into passion and determination.

I am so proud of your efforts so far. I am so proud that you got right back on plan after your birthday. Life will *always* have missteps. No one will ever be perfect. But it is what we do after the missteps that show our strength, and you, my dear, are STRONG.

I don't know why some parents are so awful. I look at my children and my heart breaks for the children like you and like me who had to live with horror and nastiness. You deserve better and you can make it happen for your life.

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Old 08-09-2008, 09:14 PM   #11
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It's so weird, I often found that its the people who are supposed to be the closest to us that try to sabotage us the most! I dont really understand it. You are not overreacting. I would be fuming and I would not have shown the dicipline you have in not exploding right then and there.
please know that you have come so very far, and you will be sucessful in reaching your ultimate goal

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Old 08-09-2008, 09:35 PM   #12
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My heart breaks when I read this because my mother is the exact same way. She's been telling me that I was fat since I weighed 120lbs, she knew I was bulemic and still she told me at least once a day that I was fat. Go figure
I've never had what I would consider a mother, she has been in competition with me in everything I've ever done for as long as I can remember. One day when I was about 11 years old my mother told me that she'd rather die a long, slow, painful death than have to live another day and be my mother... I'll never, ever forget that. It still hurts as much as if she just said it today, I wish she had just slapped me or something instead, I'd probably have forgotten that by now.
I'm so sorry to hear that your Mom is the same way mine was, it has left me with some serious issues. PM me if you ever want to talk and I'll give you my e-mail address. Stay strong honey, you deserve better. Show her that you CAN do this!
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Old 08-09-2008, 09:39 PM   #13
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u should come and live at my house my dad does it every day to me. i know it suxs (i know i live thru it everyday) but honestly ur going to have the last laugh and that will be the best feeling in ur life! sry u had a bad day.
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Old 08-09-2008, 09:51 PM   #14
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You seem to be a very intelligent and thoughtful person - unfortunately you apparently did not aquire that trait from your mom .

There are so many reasons why she could be behaving this way. Resentment, jealousy, etc. I find it best not to try to assume why my mother behaves this way -- I could waste all my energy at it! I have, however, as I've matured -- come to the realization that I was the comfort zone that protected her -- if I didn't lose weight (along with her) than my father couldn't use that against her. When I lost weight (around age 18) my father was very proud of me, which I'm sure caused resentment from my mom.

You are responsbile for your life, your actions (and reactions) to others. She choses to be resentful and petty -- you are a better person when you chose not to lower to her level.

You are doing a great job -- however -- since she is apparently unable to support your efforts -- in the interest of your continued success, I would keep your healthy eating/exercise to yourself. When my mother tries to bring it up -- I have very clearly stated to her this is personal. You deserve the love and support of those around you -- who have it to offer. To everyone else, they are not worth the time or effort.

Good luck dear.
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Old 08-09-2008, 09:58 PM   #15
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Use the situation to bolster your determination to be the healthiest person you can be. We can't always control others around us, but you can control how YOU respond. Dig in, stay OP and let us know how you are doing.
Remember - you can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends. Hang around here - we all know what a great job you have been doing and will continue to do
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