Hey, Star2Be! You have exactly the right attitude. Use her negativity to motivate you and don't let her petty and childish behavior deter you from your goal. It's great that you've lost 18 lbs in a very challenging environment. Lots of willpower, girl!
My sister (who fortunately lives 800 miles away) has really cranked up the put-downs since I started losing. I think she's worried about not being the cute one in the family any more.
It's kind of like the pack mentality on the Dog Whisperer, I think. Everyone knows their place (the cute one, the funny one, the skinny one, the chubby one, the smart one, etc), and when you start changing yourself (and therefore your "place") they start freaking out.
But you can't worry about their place. Worry about your own, and where you'll be happiest and healthiest. And Smirk at them while you check out the scale!
When that failed to motivate you, did she tell you that if you didn't lose weight, all the kitties in the world would die?
Lol, I know right. She seriously is Mommy Dearest. I always got the "I don't get why you are fat. People hate fat girls." I think I was about 17 when she told me how huge i looked in something and then said how revolted she was with me, but said it sooo nasty. I turned around and slapped her clean across the face and reminded her that she weighed 15 pounds less than me and at least I had boyfriends, unlike her, at my age. I'm not once for violence, but that was the breaking point for me. After 17 years of the comments, the digs, the insults... I just snapped. Since then any time she says anything to me i just make her feel just as bad as she tried to get me to feel. I have so much confidence in myself and the only person that ever tried to ruin that was her. I am sure if she had thought of the kitties, she would have used it. haha.
I am sorry to hear how your mother speaks to you --know that you are not alone and at least after overhearing her you did not turn to food--
I have found as I have been on this weight loss path that many people who I thought would be supportive are rooting for me to fail-- what is really weird is they are the same people who kept wanting me to lose the weight for my health.
I can relate to your situation-- I remember being told that i needed to lose weight when I was 118 lbs ( I was just 10-15 over then) but in my moms generation everything was based on appearance.
You are so nice -- I would have probably started exercising and made sure either my stinky feet or big butt made a smack to her newspaper every 2 minutes
Congratulations on your determination -- awesome job!! You are right, keep it to yourself -- you are doing this for you anyway. Every rock she puts in your way is a milestone to accomplishing your goal.
Lol, I know right. She seriously is Mommy Dearest. I always got the "I don't get why you are fat. People hate fat girls." I think I was about 17 when she told me how huge i looked in something and then said how revolted she was with me, but said it sooo nasty. I turned around and slapped her clean across the face and reminded her that she weighed 15 pounds less than me and at least I had boyfriends, unlike her, at my age. I'm not once for violence, but that was the breaking point for me. After 17 years of the comments, the digs, the insults... I just snapped. Since then any time she says anything to me i just make her feel just as bad as she tried to get me to feel. I have so much confidence in myself and the only person that ever tried to ruin that was her. I am sure if she had thought of the kitties, she would have used it. haha.
wow, this totally sounds like my mother. she told my husband the night before our wedding (at the rehersal dinner she kicked me out of) that he still had a chance to back out; that I had been fat my whole life and was only going to get bigger. he and i left together and had our own party.
keep being strong; you are the only one who can do it for you. amazing things happen to amazing people!
wow, this totally sounds like my mother. she told my husband the night before our wedding (at the rehersal dinner she kicked me out of) that he still had a chance to back out; that I had been fat my whole life and was only going to get bigger. he and i left together and had our own party.
Lol, this could be a thread all on its own. I was fearing sounding like a total lunatic to the community but now I see seems like idiot mothers are rampant.
She got wwwwwaaaasted one night at a party and started talking about how she doesn't understand how fat people can have anyone sexually attracted to them. My boyfriend chirped in with "Well, you managed four kids right," "I guess that means somewhere in your life you had sex?" I almost died. Later on we shared a few drinks and rolled around on the floor laughing about how she is almost as big as me but has such an ego that she thinks she is Cindy Crawford and how that could be seen in some countries as the hottest thing since toast. She is so repulsive. I really can't wait to weigh less than her, I seriously think i am gonna rent a football stadium out and be like WASSUP WORLD...oh, hiiiiiiii mom.
Lol, I know right. She seriously is Mommy Dearest. I always got the "I don't get why you are fat. People hate fat girls." I think I was about 17 when she told me how huge i looked in something and then said how revolted she was with me, but said it sooo nasty. I turned around and slapped her clean across the face and reminded her that she weighed 15 pounds less than me and at least I had boyfriends, unlike her, at my age. I'm not once for violence, but that was the breaking point for me. After 17 years of the comments, the digs, the insults... I just snapped. Since then any time she says anything to me i just make her feel just as bad as she tried to get me to feel. I have so much confidence in myself and the only person that ever tried to ruin that was her. I am sure if she had thought of the kitties, she would have used it. haha.
OMG I seriously clapped when I read this! I have several friends who have weight issues and EVERY one of them have a horrid mother! It makes me so sad and even more grateful for my own mama. Now, if I can just get my friends to start standing up for themselves like you....
Star2Be ~ When do you go back to school? Forget your mother. Whether you lose weight or not, you'll still be awesome. She'll always be sorry and petty.
Wow... it's amazing what parents will say/do to their daughters bc of a weight issue. I don't even know if I could maintain a relationship with my mother after she basically advised my fiance to leave me bc of my size. That's INHUMAN!
I'm glad your husband stood up for you and got you out of there!
Quote:
Originally Posted by dcapulet
wow, this totally sounds like my mother. she told my husband the night before our wedding (at the rehersal dinner she kicked me out of) that he still had a chance to back out; that I had been fat my whole life and was only going to get bigger. he and i left together and had our own party.
keep being strong; you are the only one who can do it for you. amazing things happen to amazing people!
wow, this totally sounds like my mother. she told my husband the night before our wedding (at the rehersal dinner she kicked me out of) that he still had a chance to back out; that I had been fat my whole life and was only going to get bigger. he and i left together and had our own party.
That is atrocious! Good for you for not letting it get to you, and your husband sounds like a great guy. I'm so shocked to see how poorly some of our moms have behaved... In some ways it's good to know that I'm not alone, but then it's also frustrating to know that it's such a common problem!
I feel like I have so many things to say:
xYourBelleMortex, I just turned 19 on August 5th - I'm a sophomore in college, but I have a late birthday, heh. I go back to school Sept. 29th... Yeah... My school is on the quarters system (rather than semesters) so it starts ridiculously late. Which means I'll be stuck with dear old mom for about a month and a half more! Oh, and I'm from Ohio. I LOVE all of the snappy comebacks you (and your boyfriend! LOL) have had for your mother! I'm mostly trying to ignore my mom now, but the next time I hear a nasty comment from her, I hope I'll be able to take a page out of your book. But you and I are definitely in a similar situation, except instead of telling me that I'm too fat and pressuring me to lose weight, etc, I feel more pressure NOT to lose weight, like my mom wants me to get discouraged and just give up entirely so I'll stay this weight...
Like pengbear said, I think it definitely stems from some kind of need for me to be the "fat" one in the family... My mom is a fairly large woman, too, but I guess somehow it must make her feel better to think that at least she's smaller than me. My whole life I've been the nerdy fat girl with a big personality, in any social circle. If I were in a play, I'd be the character who's there to provide comic relief, but never gets to have a love interest or have much of an effect on the plot--and unsurprisingly, that's the same kind of roles I always get! I guess my mom feels threatened that I might be changing my "role." My sister used to be a little chubby too (though not as big as me), but she lost some weight a few years ago and now she's pretty thin... So maybe my mom thinks that if I do the same, then she'd look like the "lazy" one.
lovespink, I PMed you! I had a very long answer and didn't want to bore everyone else with it, heh.
I love talking to you all! It is so great to have so much support... You're spoiling me! Heh. If any of you ever need someone to vent to, PM me ANY time!
Ps. xYourBelleMortex, when you rent out that football stadium, I am SO there! My mom, too! Hehe!
My boyfriend chirped in with "Well, you managed four kids right," "I guess that means somewhere in your life you had sex?"
Your bf is my new hero!
I sincerely hope this thread is full of women who KNOW BETTER than to ever say such awful things to their own daughters. It is NO WONDER we are in the situation of idolizing waifs and hating our own bodies (in pop culture). No wonder at all. My own mother (and family) was guilty of this, yet did nothing to promote a healthy body image. I can say for certain that my own daughters will not suffer the same fate.
Just wanted to post my two cents worth. I think many said exactly what I was thinking...does your mother have weight issues of her own and therefor is feeling threatened that you will succeed (I first typed might..not will..and decided that you WILL succeed), and SHE will be the fat one in the family.
As to your comment about providing comic relief..I don't know if it is just me, but I am getting sick and tired of movies making the "comic relief" character FAT. One that really sticks out in my mind is in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". the "funny" bridesmaid was..you guessed it...the heavier bridesmaid. Once I became aware of this I started to notice it more and more..OOOH It makes me FURIOUS!
If your thinking is anything like mine, your mother's attitude will ultimately work to your advantage. If someone tells me I can't do something, I am more determined than ever to prove them wrong!
I do hope you keep posting as a way of maintaining your sanity until you return to school. I bet by that time, it will be VERY noticeable that you have lost weight and just think of the reaction of friends who haven't seen you for a while..that will be a terrific motivator too! ANd now from all of your supporters and cheerleaders in here a big
Hugs to you. I'm sorry your mother is so miserable, she must be to be so nasty! Stay teflon. My suggestion. The next time she says something negative, or does something negative, look at her sadly, shake your head, and say quietly, "I don't understand why you would say (do) something so hurtful to me." Then walk away quietly.
OMG! What a crazy thing to say!!! 
Oh, and I'm from Ohio. I LOVE all of the snappy comebacks you (and your boyfriend! LOL) have had for your mother! I'm mostly trying to ignore my mom now, but the next time I hear a nasty comment from her, I hope I'll be able to take a page out of your book. 
But you and I are definitely in a similar situation, except instead of telling me that I'm too fat and pressuring me to lose weight, etc, I feel more pressure NOT to lose weight, like my mom wants me to get discouraged and just give up entirely so I'll stay this weight... 
I guess my mom feels threatened that I might be changing my "role." My sister used to be a little chubby too (though not as big as me), but she lost some weight a few years ago and now she's pretty thin... So maybe my mom thinks that if I do the same, then she'd look like the "lazy" one.
Providing the Comic relief
