Hey all, Thank you for all of your wonderful messages. I just wanted to drop in and say hello. I am doing well. Not perfect, but well. I am feeling more in control of things now...my whole life seemed to be in this hideous spiral before and I had been letting stress and depression and really, alcohol, get the best of me.
Anyway I've been still going to yoga, which is something that has been helping me cope, mentally, physically and even spiritually...which is a big step for a mostly un-spiritual person - can't wait for my class tonight. I'm in a place now where I'm ok with not drinking. The first couple of weeks were awful I went through some bad withdrawals (yes that is how much I was drinking) and cravings. I still get them here and there but the are not as bad. Much worse than any food withdrawls or cravings I've ever had. I was a sad awful mess. I've actually proved myself wrong now though and have managed to go out places and not drink...I really can order diet coke or water...I even went to a bachelorette and for the first time in my life I went to a bar, didn't get wasted and didn't even spend a dollar. I drank water the whole night...wow what a different perspective closing time is when you are the sober one. By the end of it after i had been knocked into and had beer dumped on me I came to the realization that I'm definitely done with the 'closing down the bar' chapter in my life.
I'm about 2 months into it now. I'm not completely sober, I have had a couple of beers here and there but the more days I wake up sober and not hung over the more I want that to continue. I'll maybe have a Friday night beer but I can't have a Tuesday night 3 bottles of wine. I've decided that I've always been able to handle a couple of beers.. they kind of fill me up...but am no longer willing or able to have any sort of wine or liquor. I have no mental control over how much I am drinking and just keep throwing it back until i fall down. No more.
I hit the actual gym this past weekend...it's been close to 2 months out of the actual gym...and I'm sore but it's worth it. Anyway. Working on being better and back on track. Definitely in a place where I think I can start thinking about weight loss and lifestyle and begin posting again.
Feels good to be back!