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Back...heavier than ever, angry at myself, square one here I am!

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Old 07-24-2008, 07:17 PM   #1
baby steps
 
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Default Back...heavier than ever, angry at myself, square one here I am!

I was doing so well for a while; I was eating the right things, I was more active, I could feel a difference in my body and the way I felt. I was posting here, I was getting support and trying to give it...and then one day, I just stopped. I had knee surgery and was feeling horrible, I was depending on others for a lot of the cooking that was done, and I just got frustrated and gave up.

I'm so angry at myself for that. Instead of doing the best I could with what I had and making an effort at least, I threw in the towel. I haven't dared to step onto the scale, but I know I'm heavier than I was before. My 3X scrubs are nearly too small, and I come home after a 12 hour shift and my body is just screaming. This weight is destroying me from the inside out, I truly believe that. I used to pretend that it didn't affect my state of mind, that I could rise above a size or a number, but that's bull and I know it.

Pulling the weight off will be difficult with my work schedule and conditions right now, but I want to do this. I don't just need to do this, I want to; I want to be able to go out with my friends and own a room, I want to not be winded after a flight of stairs or a trip down the driveway to the mailbox. It'll take a lot more planning than it did before, and a lot more effort, but I want to try.

I guess I just needed to vent...sorry guys.
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Old 07-24-2008, 07:21 PM   #2
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Welcome back! Life happens sometimes...then we just carry on. I love this quote:

"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." - Margaret Thatcher

We are here for you. Just start posting.
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"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." - Margaret Thatcher

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Old 07-24-2008, 07:25 PM   #3
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Welcome back! It's always so hard to fall off the wagon, but you are taking the right step in posting your concerns here and getting if off your chest. You can do it!

If you have a chance to read through my blog I too have slipped up more times than I care to admit. The important thing is to forgive yourself for the past and look to the future. Good luck, I know you can do it!!!!!!!
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Old 07-24-2008, 07:29 PM   #4
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Welcome back, Sara!

Being angry with yourself may help get you started, but please don't rely on that negative emotion. Negative emotions only serve to fuel depression and poor self esteem. You can do this! You can lose the weight this time! Your work schedule may make things a little more difficult initially, but a great plan will serve you well in the long run. What is your plan? I recommend making your menu for the week, buy your groceries, have a great breakfast before leaving for work and take some yummy healthy on-plan snacks and lunches to work. After a couple of weeks of doing this, it will seem like second nature to you and you will already be well on your way to meeting your goals.
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Old 07-24-2008, 07:33 PM   #5
Maintaining :)
 
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Welcome back! I wondered how you were doing. You always had such fun posts back on the BL thread!

I'm glad you came back here. I KNOW that you have all the keys to success that you need. You CAN do this!!! And STAYING here - even when things get rough - is one of those keys you need to be successful.

Jump back OP. Don't get discouraged WHATEVER that scale says - and - I encourage you to step back on it. It is what it is. And - it will be helpful for you to know what that number is so that you can celebrate the fact that this is the last time you will ever see that number.

Keep us posted on how you are doing!
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Old 07-24-2008, 07:36 PM   #6
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BTW, the next round of BL challenges will begin in September when the new season starts up. It would be great to have you join us again.
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Old 07-24-2008, 07:56 PM   #7
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Paychecks go out in the morning, and as soon as I get it cashed, I'm going to get a good digital scale so I can keep track of even the smallest changes. The scale I have now is just a cheapy thing and it weighs heavier than it should, and that's the last thing I need right now.

As for plans, I feel most comfortable with calorie counting; it makes me feel restricted but not limited, and the minute I tell myself I absolutely cannot have something, it's going to be the only thing I crave. Aaaand water, water, water, water! Water was always a huge key for me before; for some reason, when I'm drinking water, it puts me in a healthy frame of mind.

Not sure about exercise yet. I'll probably go with my WATP DVDs again, at least to start off, then I'll see where I need to be. And I've got resistance bands I really do enjoy, so those will probably play into things. OH, and I almost forgot about my pedometer! I probably really should start wearing it at work, at least to get a baseline for where I'm at so I can start setting goals for where I want/need to be.

Thanks for all the support guys! Coming back here feels like coming home.
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tell me goodnight and let it go

Last edited by xtrisaratops : 07-24-2008 at 08:00 PM.
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Old 07-24-2008, 07:59 PM   #8
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Hey :]
Welcome to the story of my life! I have threw in the towel so many times. Right now I am doing well now that I found 3FC and I am dieting w/ my cousin. You can do it too. I love 3FC forum...its a lot of support when you need it! Good luck!
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Old 07-24-2008, 08:34 PM   #9
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Welcome back!

You know, you just have to keep trying. I know that sounds lame, but it's true. Never give up.
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Old 07-25-2008, 03:19 PM   #10
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I'm in the same boat as you. It's hard when we have so much work ahead of us, but that doesn't mean it's hopeless. My doctor keeps telling me that you don't have to lose it all at once, and that's true. Every lb helps.

You are beautiful, BTW.

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~Sam Levenson
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Old 07-25-2008, 04:57 PM   #11
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Hey Sara! I remember you! Glad to see you back! Hang in there, girl!

Jay
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