Since I started getting a few PMs I figured I would go ahead and post an I'm around post. I'm gonna go ahead and post this here rather than reply to them in PMs since there may be others in my boat.
I suffer from depression. I've been on medication (and I see my doc regularly) for many many months. Back in May (about the time I fell off the wagon) I had too much stress overwhelm me in one day with my dad undergoing surgery, having to pick up my dogs from the pound, to my MIL calling saying no one has heard from or seen Jeff. It caused me to have a severe panic attack where I believed my husband to be dead. You couldn't convince me otherwise. Two days later I had another mild attack. I called my doc and she weaned me off the one med, put me on another that did not work at all to now being on a third. So far it isn't working as well either.
I'm not in a horrible place but I'm more in an I don't care about anything place. My doctor is aware of this as I journal my thoughts/feelings good/bad days. She believes that my bad days are cycle related (TOM is almost here and I'm gonna agree with her) We are soon to have a new clinic open in the town where I work and I plan to get me an appt. with a therapist as well.
I thank you all for your wonderful words of advice and encouragement. I know this has to come from within ME and only ME. Each time I try to make even one simple change I spiral into binges. I simply CANNOT stop myself from eating. I can't explain it and I have no clue why it happens but it does. I know the easy solution is to simply not buy the foods or keep them in the house. When I'm willing to waste my gas and drive 25 miles to town to buy something and then 25 miles back home, I know it's more than not having will power.
I will still be around lurking but until I know I can get control of my binging, I'm not going to actively try to find me a plan. And I know I will one of these days. Thank you for your continued support in this.