Well, it was really a bunch of things. My husband is awesome and never makes me feel heavy at all. He is normal weight. On the trip I felt handicapped. I wasn't worried about the plane because we had 3 seats together, but even with that it was obvious I was taking up more than my fair share of space. When we rented a car, I was worried
that I would fit behind the wheel. When we had dinner I was worried
that we needed a table. Hearing my husband say "Party of 3 - table please" was hard. Even at a table my chair was out too far and people behind me sometimes didn't have enough room. I was worried
about the stairs at the subway. I was worried
about the turnstiles. I was worried
about fitting in the seats at the game. I was worried
about the double decker bus (fitting and getting to the top). On the bus I realized that I hung over the seat...nobody else did. At the Statue Of Liberty I didn't want to climb the monument base (stairs). I am so sick and tired of being worried
. I have a great life but everything is being hindered a little bit because of my weight. Turns out it was fine, I fit everywhere and was able to do everything. But I can't help but wonder what more we would have done / tried if I was of normal weight.
And the sweating...my goodness...the sweating. It wasn't hot when we were there...70's...80's. I bought a roll of paper towels and every day would fold up 4 in my purse and take them with me. By the end of the day they would all be soaked. I don't armpit sweat, I face and head sweat. The constantly wiping of my face.
Then there are the pictures. Normally I am the photographer and so I am not in lots of pictures. I don't mind having my picture taken at all, it just works out that way. This trip Steve was the photographer and I was in a lot of shots. When I saw the pictures all I could think was "no way!". I guess I am not in touch with reality.
I weigh 342 lbs. I have over 200 lbs to lose. That is absolutely ridiculous. I am not just obese I am super morbidly obese. "I haven't always been heavy" is what I say and then I pull out a picture from 20 years ago. I have been heavy for 20 years and over 300 for 10.
So that's what happened.
Yesterday went well except I got into the big cheez-it's...they are now in the garbage. Today I have been very good about entering it in fitday. I will do this!!