I don’t know why I feel the need to sabotage myself. This past week I’ve been feeling pretty good about my weight-loss. I was able to wear a pair of jeans that have been sitting in the back of my closet for over a year. I got them as a gift, and have never been able to wear them until a few days ago. Needless to say, even though it’s been 93 degrees and humid here in southern GA, I’ve still been strutting around town in my slightly smaller jeans. That being said it only took about 30 seconds for me to go from feeling positive to feeling completely disgusting and devastated. How did this happen? Well…
My husband will be back from deployment soon, and as you can imagine I’m more than excited. I was especially excited because this time around I’ve finally lost weight. Every time DH goes on patrol I get it into my head that I’m going to work out and eat right – but alas I NEVER do. Except for now. I’ve done so well this patrol, and I honestly feel like I’m ready to make this new lifestyle stick.
Tonight was a particularly slow and boring night, so I found myself on myspace, aimlessly looking at my friends’ profiles. I ended up on a profile page of a fellow Navy wife whose husband is on the same boat as mine. She had posted a new profile pic of herself sprawled across the bed in a very teeny dress. My first reaction was “gross, save that for your husband.” But then I started to think about how excited her husband is going to be to come home to a hot wife that can fit into a teeny tiny dress. Then I thought about how disappointed my husband must feel having to come home to his fat wife. Of course that isn’t how he feels. He’s always deliriously happy to see me, and I know he loves me unconditionally. So why do I feel the need to load my mind with these poisonous thoughts? I should be celebrating my weight-loss, but instead all I want to do is hide so no one can see me. Blah
Has anyone else ever felt this way?
Sorry this post was so long. I guess I had more to get off my chest than I thought. Thank you for letting me vent here.
i know how you feel as i feel that way too when i see some sexy woman and think ' my poor hubby ' lol... but.. my hubby loves me as yours does Unconditionally...she may be the 'norm' of what is thin and sexy, but does she have what you have? would her husband still be with her if she were to gain weight? i would like to think he would, but my point is this... you have a good marriage... a good man... being thin doesnt mean everything in the world is rosy.. she may have probs that you dont ... be thankful for what you have.. try not to envy or feel down because of other women.. your hubby chose YOU.. not some thin model type.. he loves you for who you are...and your weight loss and ability to get in those jeans is a great acheivement.. dont let anyone take that away from you... You changed your habits, YOU lost weight, You have the right to feel good about yourself and you should... please try not to lose that feeling... whenever bad thougts creep in just remind yourself how YOUR hubby is gonna feel when he sees you.. and how you feel about the weight loss.. That is what is important!!
yeah!!!!! seconding what jimaterry said!!!! and you are doing great! and congrats on getting into those jeans!!
i think we all have a little self-sabotage in us, but as long as we recognize it for what it is, we can head it off at the pass, and send it on its way!!!
keep up the good work, and be proud of yourself, because i'm sure your hubby is!
I think all woman are bad about comparing ourselves with other woman. You have something to raise you back into your real world this time though. You have that old pair of jeans that fit again! That is something to feel good about that you can physically feel. The more of these successes that you have, the less the girl in the little dress will matter.
What I didn't see is that you let is beat you into breaking your program. This is just the kind od challange that i hope I can get through without setting me back. If you were able to do that, You have another milestone to be proud of. Even if it set you back...getting right back on track should have you dancing in those skinny jeans and movin on!
D
Oh, sweetie, what you said the first time. .... what you said the first time about her posting that pic.....you are so right; she should save it for her husband.
I have no idea what would possess a woman to post that kind of pic of herself for anyone but her husband, but it has nothing to do with you, your marriage and relationship, and it has nothing to do with your weight loss and achievement.
Your success is yours and yours alone, and YOU GO, GIRL! That is a fantastic loss, and 20 #s you NEVER have to LOSE AGAIN. You have that behind you. Enjoy your precious time together and don't give any skinny minny a thought, cuz many of them may very well have bigger insecurities than yours.
Thanks to you and your Hubby for your service to our country.
I find that it is soooo hard to believe the good things that someone says - when other people have spent so many years putting all these negative messages into my head. My husband looks into my eyes & tells me I'm beautiful. And while I know HE believes it - I still don't.
You're not alone. And I believe that part of this journey is to work on our "heads" as much as our bodies. And I do believe that one day we will finally feel as beatiful as the people who love us know we are!!
PS - God bless your husband for being a soldier - and you for supporting him!
Thank you all for posting. Everyone is so very very right. I'm starting to realize that, for me, the weight-loss is going to be the easy part. Changing my mindset and the ability to not play head games with myself will probably take a lot longer!
After sleeping on it last night - I feel much better this morning. My weigh-in for the week was today, and I had a personal best for a loss - 5lbs!! I think this is because the scale didn't do anything last week, and my body has finally caught up.
I'm going to print this thread out later today, and tape it to my closet door. This way I can look at it first thing in the morning, and whenever those bad thoughts start to cloud my mind.
Celebrate your success. I get the same insecurities, but then I remember that my husband, (who definitely has an eye for the ladies) always comes home to me. (He thinks I'm beautiful and sexy, I don't feel that way, but who am I to argue.)
Over and over I've noticed that the sexiest women radiate confidence, and that message is what makes them sexy. I don't know many women, of any size, who feel good about their bodies. Boobs too small or too big, same with butt and thighs. We are awfully critical of ourselves. (And remember we all grew up with Barbie as our model, and her body is NOT ACHIEVABLE for a living woman.)
Enjoy the leave, and the look on your husband's face when he sees you!
A woman can feel sexy and bodacious at any size. Likewise, a woman can feel hideous and disgusting at any size.
A lot of it comes from messages from the outside, but most of it comes from messages on the inside. Try to start sending yourself some good messages.
Personally, my sexy prescription is sexy underwear. To often, they're impractical to actually wear (my favorite number was a ridiculously snug corset. If I wore that in public, under my clothing, I swear if I fell down, I wouldn't be able to get up without a crane), but a nice bra and panty set is always nice.
And oddly enough, Plus-size and even super-size lingerie is not hard to find. Trying to find a nice business suit, wedding gown, or cocktail dress, that's another story. If you'd judge by the catalogs only great-grandmas and hookers every reach 300 lbs (certainly never college students, wives or mothers).
first off LOL @ being able to find sexy unmentionables but not being able to find decent clothes to go out in .... thats so true its like they expect us to be either in the bedroom or in a seniors only home how conflicting ! although i should say in the summer i get creative with some of the plus size sleepwear i have a little bolero type jacket ( those little ones you wear that button at the chest and it ends right under your chest , ) yesterday my sister wanted to go out at like 1 a, to get a cup of coffee ( shes a night owl ) so i through on some jeans a hot pink satin thigh length nightie with some black and silver embroidery at the neck and hem , my black bolero jacket hot pink flats and i was out the door when i came home i caught a glance at myself and if i may say so myself ... with a nice hair do and some makeup .... i think i coulda had me a night on the town ! lol
but getting back to the subject think of it this way , isnt he lucky to have a wife who not only wants to be sexy for him but apparantley also for the whole cyber world to see.... shes got reall class ! NOT in anycase im sure your husband has no qualms with your being overweight , he loves you ... and the progress that you ARE making shows that you have ambition and im sure he appreciates your moving in a positive direction , ive seen some beautiful plus size women ... i mean women that i turn my head and give em a good long stare and tell myself " if i could look like her damn the weight!" its the confidence that makes them so sexy my cousin is overweight ( more so than me ) and she looks 10 times better than me .... she always has her hair done her makeup perfectly done her nails done her clothes are always pressed and neat as a pin and might i add fashionable .... although shes 5'2 and 300+ lbs her weight IS NOT the first thing you notice belive me .... take care of yourself invest the time in yourself that you deserve to pamper yourself and take the extra couple minutes to look good , if your husband cared about you being overweight he wouldent come home from a hard tour of duty and pretend to be intrested in you and miss you , he could just as easily brush you off tell you he's tired spend his time visiting his friends and family or sitting in frount of the tube .... but he chooses to be all over you ! enjoy your time with your husband girl !! and maybe you can pick up a nice peice of lunderie or two ( i know that has to be spelt wrong .. im horrible with the spellings of things sorry )
Update: Dh is home and things are back to being great around our household. I felt confident with myself the second he walked through the door. DH actually didn't notice my weight-loss, which didn't surprise me. As a man, he's born oblivious.. Still, I noticed! It was a lot easier for him to wrap his arms around me than it was before he left.
In an interesting turn of events... The Navy wife who had posted the picture on myspace is getting a divorce. Apparently she sent an e-mail to her husband a day before they came back saying she was leaving him. Sadly, that's the norm around here. There's always at least a dozen couples who end up breaking up after each patrol.
I'm my own worst enemy.
yeah!!!!! seconding what jimaterry said!!!! and you are doing great! and congrats on getting into those jeans!!
