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Not invisble anymore...

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Old 05-19-2008, 10:39 AM   #1
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Default Not invisble anymore...

I know this has been discussed before but I am very interested in your experience with this, how you feel about it. I'm discovering as I lose weight how badly (unintentionally I'm sure) I was treated heavier. I was unaware at the time.

Suddenly, when walking the dog I don't have to wait for 5 minutes before a car will let us cross. I find myself not having to open my own doors anymore. People smile, say hello, initiate conversations. Eye contact- I didn't realize it was missing until now. I'm listened to, my opinion matters more.

I've always been a confident and outgoing person, so I don't credit the newfound attention to a newly discovered ego or a renewed sense of confidence. I've always carried myself with pride and have made eye contact, said hello.

This bothers me on many different levels. So many that I can't even begin listing them for lack of time. The uppermost reason is how lonely being obese is. I never realized it, it didn't hurt me at the time but hurts me now.

I'm resentful. I am and always will be the same person.
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Old 05-19-2008, 10:51 AM   #2
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I've always been a confident and outgoing person, so I don't credit the newfound attention to a newly discovered ego or a renewed sense of confidence. I've always carried myself with pride and have made eye contact, said hello.
I have to say I used to think this too. Then (and I've posted about this elsewhere) about 4 weeks ago my boss from my contract gig and I were chatting and he mentioned to me how much my personality has changed in the last 5 or 6 months. He said that I was always friendly and outgoing, but that he could see a huge change in the way I carried myself, the way I looked at people, and the way I spoke.

I was truly blown away. I've always considered myself very outgoing and friendly and personable and never thought it was an issue. But since he mentioned it, I've noticed it in myself - in the way I dress, the way I take care of myself better, and even just in the way I walk across the room. I feel better about myself and so I project self-confidence in a way I didn't before.

Not that there aren't people out there who "ignore" fat people ... but I truly truly do believe that there's more of it in us, even if we don't think so, than any one of us might have ever suspected.

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Old 05-19-2008, 11:11 AM   #3
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Not that there aren't people out there who "ignore" fat people ... but I truly truly do believe that there's more of it in us, even if we don't think so, than any one of us might have ever suspected.

.
This is so true. I too have always been confident (well at least since college) and now that I know I'm going to succeed with weight loss and have lost almost 70 pounds, I do carry myself different. I hold my head high all the time now and walk different.
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Old 05-19-2008, 11:37 AM   #4
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Yes - I notice it big time. I have always been the first to say hello and make eye contact. I have always done that when passing someone by.
Now, many times it is the other person who says it first, and I find it really surprising. And a bit annoying as well - although these people have no clue I am annoyed .

People have prejudices against the obese, even if they won't admit them. Actions truly do speak louder than words.
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Old 05-19-2008, 11:54 AM   #5
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I think it's both, actually: losing weight and something inside changes, too (even if you don't notice it).

IMHO, I think that being obese is like having one of those really noticeable physical defects, like a limb missing or huge birth mark on your face: people do notice you, but they don't know how to act so they pretend you're not there at all.

I admit that I was guilty of this myself in the past: if I saw someone with, say, Downs Syndrome, or some other obvious physical difference, then I would feel very awkward and do my best not to notice it. I was trying to be polite by not acknowledging it at all. But in the process of ignoring the difference, I was also ignoring the person.

Maybe this is what other people are doing, too, when it comes to people who are very overweight. It's not right, but it's all too human.
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Old 05-19-2008, 08:43 PM   #6
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I have to say that this doesn't jive with my experiences at all. I never felt invisible or ignored, even at my heaviest, and I honestly don't think that people interact with me all that differently now. The one thing that I have noticed is that I've been getting the ocassional admiring look when I'm out and about. But as to the rest of it, I always had doors opened for me, I always made small talk with folks in the grocery line, and I always had people listen when I spoke.

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Old 05-19-2008, 09:42 PM   #7
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I think it's both, actually: losing weight and something inside changes, too (even if you don't notice it).
I've noticed a huge difference... with myself and others in my daily interactions. I usually end up thinking 'that wouldnt have happened 97 pounds ago'.....
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Old 05-20-2008, 12:10 AM   #8
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hmmmm I can't say this has been my experience either. If anything, people ALWAYS say hi to me first - almost like I'm the least threatening person LOL so it's ok to chat to me. Maybe I have blinders on, but my DH always says people gravitate towards me (says it's my magnetic personality, ha!). I'll keep my eyes open tho, see if I'm missing something.

but regardless, yay for not being ignored !
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Old 05-20-2008, 01:01 AM   #9
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Well - something I have noticed recently. I have ALWAYS been a big flirt. A casual, playful flirt. I'm known for it. And always, men have flirted back. But recently, men have REALLY flirted back. I've kinda have been floored by it.
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Old 05-20-2008, 07:59 AM   #10
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I've not really noticed people treating me all that different while being overweight but I have noticed that since I have lost this weight, men are starting to check me out more! I don't know what the difference is because I am still over the 200 mark but there is definitely a difference!
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Old 05-20-2008, 08:06 AM   #11
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Although I've always been overweight, it was a "manageable" amount of overweight...if that makes any sense? It wasnt until I added an additional 75 pounds to my 40 that I noticed a BIG difference in how people responded to me. I'd forget that I had gotten so big... until a "busy" salesperson wouldn't "see" me...a cashier wouldn't make small talk or make eye contact...men no longer opened doors for me. After getting reminded so many times that I'm now a fat girl, I finally got the message. I make people uncomfortable or they find me extremely unattractive. This hurts.
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Old 05-20-2008, 08:14 AM   #12
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My boss is a real jerk when it comes to my weight, he usually hires college students to round out the schedual, and he only hires tall thin and chesty ones (his partner hired me) He hardley looks at me at all, and it dont matter what I say he brushes me off. But let one of the lil bubble heads say something and giggle - oh he is all over that! Im serious! And if someone drops off an application, the first thing he asks is what did she look like - I always say like some one who needs a job! One of these days its gonna bite him in the butt and I for will will find it hysterical
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Old 05-20-2008, 01:58 PM   #13
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I don't feel like people treat me much differently since I've lost alot of weight. However, I think there's something inside of me that may feel better about myself.

The funny thing is that I am a performer. I used to not be able to look at myself in the mirror. Yet - I could go and perform for others. Kind of like an "out of body experience" I guess.
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Old 05-20-2008, 09:31 PM   #14
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I'm glad to hear someone mention this...I feel invisible all the time. People truly do walk right past me, cut me off, and just generally do not consider that I am even there. It bothers me so much!
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Old 05-20-2008, 09:55 PM   #15
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I'm having pretty much the same experience as Wendy...men are paying more attention to me now than they have before, saying 'hi' to me more, whether I know them or not. I can't say I'm flattered...these were the same men who ignored me before, so I am not too eager to get to know them better.

I do find people in general are friendlier, but I attribute a lot of that to my attitude change..I am more confident which has made me more outgoing and friendlier, which has probably made people respond in kind.
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