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Convinced husband to make some changes!

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Old 05-14-2008, 07:08 PM   #1
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Default Convinced husband to make some changes!

I'm really pleased right now. I just had a talk with my husband about making positive changes for better health and weight loss, and he's willing to work on some stuff. (He is about 100 lbs or more overweight too.) I was very careful how I approached the subject, not lecturing, not demanding, just seeing "How would you feel about...?" His first question was, "I don't get to drink soda, do I?" (hehe, poor guy, he just loves his soda.)

So we've agreed that's the first thing...he'll drink the soda he's got left in the house (about 2 weeks' worth) and then he'll go off of that. Then, after a couple weeks, when he's feeling a little better and habituated to drinking water all the time instead, we're going to try South Beach. He's ordering a couple recipe books for me that I want--we enjoy trying out recipes together, so that should be really fun. I know he'll be thankful I'm not going to try to make him eat tofu or anything

Giving up the massive quantities of soda and starchy foods he's used to is going to be hard for him. But I'm so glad he's willing to try it.
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Old 05-14-2008, 07:37 PM   #2
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Congrats, I'm really struggling with getting my mum to buy better things for me (I'm 17 so still live at home).

We went supermarket shopping today and the only bit I was looking foward to putting in the trolly was the fruit, getting stuff I like, like strawberries, grapes and kiwis etc instead of pears n other rank fruit.

Well I have never heard anyone moan so much about the price of food, coming from the woman who bought her other daughter a pony and sends her to private school where as the rest of us went to regular schools.

She knows I'm trying to be healthier etc yet she bought a massive box of crisps and so much chocolate you wouldn't believe. And on the way back she stopped off for a McFlurry from McDonalds, I just sat and didn't have anything as I wasn't even hungry. But I sooo think she does it on purpose to keep me fat, just because she is. grrrr
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Old 05-14-2008, 07:54 PM   #3
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That's what's happening, all right. She won't help you, because if you lose the weight, she'll have to be the big one all by herself. Good for you for picking out fruit, and not eating the ice cream. Is there anyone you can talk to, grandparents, aunts, uncles, who might help you? As soon as you can. you can go off to college or move away and choose your own foods. Then when you succeed in the face of such bitter hindrance, you will be all the more proud of yourself. You will be a fine woman, I think. Good for you!
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Old 05-14-2008, 08:01 PM   #4
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lupin, perhaps you could get your mom to let YOU do the shopping for a change. "Hey mom, I'd love to do you a favor and do the shopping, take that burden off you. How's that sound?" 17 is plenty old enough to undertake that.

Alternately, ask your mom for a separate food budget for yourself, and do your own shopping and cooking. Tell her it'll be good preparation for your adult life.

If you can change your environment at all, that would likely be very helpful in your quest.
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Old 05-14-2008, 10:44 PM   #5
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WOW. Congratulations. Just exactly what did you say. My husband is 31 is about 100 pounds overweight, high blod pressure and high cholesterol. He takes 3 diff meds. I am trying so hard to get him to eat better. He does good for a few days. He lost about 10 pounds a few weeks ago and then after 2 weeks he put it all back on. It is so frusterating. I want both of us to be around for our daughters but if he dont do something about our health now I am afraid that we wont be around. I am afraid that it might take something drastic like a heart attack to get his attention. GOD FORBID.... So any help would be greatly appreciated.
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Old 05-14-2008, 11:02 PM   #6
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yay for getting hubby on board - that'll make life easier I'm sure!
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Old 05-15-2008, 12:24 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dek6 View Post
WOW. Congratulations. Just exactly what did you say. My husband is 31 is about 100 pounds overweight, high blod pressure and high cholesterol. He takes 3 diff meds. I am trying so hard to get him to eat better. He does good for a few days. He lost about 10 pounds a few weeks ago and then after 2 weeks he put it all back on.
What did I say...let's see...

Well, for starters, we were on AIM together because I was at work and he was at home. Sometimes I find it easier to talk about potentially troublesome topics in IM, because the words are slower and more measured.

Then I said something like, "I would like to talk about a topic that I know we have both thought about. The honest truth is, we are both very overweight and unhealthy because of it, and our future health is in danger. Would you say that's an accurate statement?" (The point is to first get agreement on the basis of the discussion, which is an honest assessment of the situation.)

He agreed, so I went on, "I would like to talk about making some lifestyle changes so that we can fix this problem over the long-term. What we would do is make small changes that will eventually add up. I know that you will not like some of those changes, though. Could we talk about that?"

That's when he said the thing about having to stop drinking soda

I said yes, he'd have to give up soda; and after a couple of weeks of that, we would try some other changes to be healthier. Specifically we are going to try out the South Beach food plan together. I told him I wanted a couple of recipe books, one of which includes a lot of grilling recipes, which I said I thought he would like, and he said that sounded good to him.

So I guess I'd say that you really have to get some buy-in first, and then start making incremental changes when you have agreement. Start transitioning your kitchen to be a more healthy place; don't keep junk food around once you've agreed to not have it. If he's eating unhealthy lunches away from home, maybe take over packing him a lunch he will enjoy; BUT you must make sure that he will be able to enjoy it. You're not going to be able to get him to eat stuff he just doesn't like, so plan around the things he prefers. Example, my husband must have cold water to drink, he cannot just drink tap water; so part of our conversation was about that, and how to make that work better for him.

Being considerate and making room for a spouse's preferences goes a long way, I think. But it will probably be an extended process of you leading and teaching him.
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Old 05-15-2008, 12:27 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trazey34 View Post
yay for getting hubby on board - that'll make life easier I'm sure!
Hope so! He's a great guy, and knows what he "should" do. He's just not at all motivated to do it, unless I'm pushing him a little bit (in a loving way). However, he is also really wonderful and accomodating at making changes for my benefit; example, he packs my lunch every day and cooks most of our dinners, and has been great about my requests for those.
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Old 05-15-2008, 06:03 AM   #9
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That's wonderful! It may be a hard transition - getting off of a soda pop habit - but, he'll feel so much better. It's nice when you can do it together.
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Old 05-15-2008, 01:14 PM   #10
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WarMaiden: Thanks alot. I never thought about making it "fun" for him. The grilling thing is an awesome idea. My husband loves to grill year round. Maybe I can get him a healthy grilling cook book. HMMM... Lots to ponder. Thanks again.
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Old 05-15-2008, 05:16 PM   #11
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Congratulations on getting your husband on board. I have been trying to model good eating habits and exercise and hope he "gets it" but to no avail yet. May be time to start thinking about saying something. But that is tricky.
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Old 05-15-2008, 05:31 PM   #12
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dek6- I guess I figure, -I- don't want to eat a diet that consists of dry, tasteless paste and tepid water for the rest of my life, just to lose weight and be healthier...guaranteed my husband doesn't want to do that either Most people think that "diets" mean deprivation and dull food, so no wonder our husbands would be put off.

Oh, another selling point I was mentioning to my husband is that I'm pretty sure if he just makes some dietary changes, he can lose a lot of weight with that alone He wouldn't HAVE to exercise (like I will!).

Nada - It's definitely a tricky topic. I think it's best to approach it with a lot of love and personal concern, present lifestyle changes as a team effort, not be preachy, not say "you should," not make threats or demands, not say things that will make him feel shame or guilt. (All of that stuff is so demotivating.) Rather, "Honey, you know I love you and I want us to grow old together. Lately I've been thinking of how we could make some changes together that would improve our health. Would you be interested in talking about that?"
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