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Offended and embarassed

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Old 05-13-2008, 02:50 PM   #1
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Default Offended and embarassed

This is completely ridiculous but I'm actually offended and embarassed.

I just passed a coworker in the hall and she came up to me afterwards and said "remind me. were you just telling me recently that you have lost some weight? Last night I had a dream that you whispered across the cubicle wall 'guess what? i lost 100 lbs'". This sounds crazy but I'm offended by this comment. I look big enough to need to lose 100 lbs. I must look humongous to other people because in my own head, i don't always look like i'm humongous (weird, i know). I know I need to lose at least that amount of weight but to hear someone else say it to me is embarassing. Mind you, I have mentioend to her lately that I've lost about 10 lbs. NOt the same as 100 lbs.

I suppose it's a slap of reality that I actually LOOK like I need to lose at least 100 lbs.

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Old 05-13-2008, 02:55 PM   #2
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Sorry you got your feelings hurt. I'm sure at your weight that you DON'T look like you need to lose 100. People dream crazy things, and sometimes say things without really thinking about how they sound - I know I put my foot in my mouth all the time!
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Old 05-13-2008, 03:22 PM   #3
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I'm sorry. It could be that she thought it would be something nice to tell you. To motivate you more...by saying you DID lose 100lbs. I have had that same reality check myself. My dad had asked me what my ultimate goal is and he didn't give me a chance to respond before he said do you think you will lose 100lbs by the end of the year! So obviously he thinks I need to lose 100+lbs. Which I do...but I know what you mean... it hurts to hear it from someone else!
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Old 05-13-2008, 04:27 PM   #4
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JULZ ~ I think we all have gone thru this; and hopefully we don't make the mistake of offending someone when we don't mean to, but we are all human: and as I know, it does happens ...

One time, DH and I were invited to a friend's home for dinner; and he was telling them how hard I was trying to lose weight and that I was doing so well; and my friend's husband piped up and said,' So ... how much do you weigh ... 500 lbs? ' He didn't wait for my response either and blundered into that!

Now, I know that I weigh a lot (at the time, I didn't have any scales and thought I was only in the high 200's); later, I got weighed at the docs, and found out my real high weight from the hospital from a couple of years before.

Nevertheless, the reality that someone thought I weighed that much was a shocker. My DH was quick to respond on my behalf (as I was in too much shock) 'Don't be absurd, she doesn't weigh that much!" ... LOL!

Anyways, when I went to the docs, I found out I actually weighed 307 lbs and that was another surprise for me (the digital says 317). So, I had to accept a new reality, but I am just going to keep on, keeping on and ignore people and their comments. Many times, they don't mean any harm, but often they don't really understand the battle we are waging either.

to you JULZ ... hang in there, hon and don't let them get you down!

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Old 05-13-2008, 05:42 PM   #5
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I'm sorry that you were hurt by that.

I don't think, though, that she meant in it a bad way. Afterall, it was just a dream she was telling you about. ( Or maybe you want to think of it as a premonition. )

I'm positive she wouldn't have mentioned it if she thought it was offensive. Like most people, she probably just wanted to tell you about the dream she had with you in it.
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Old 05-13-2008, 06:27 PM   #6
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No no no no no. Don't take it badly.

I mean, I would interpret it badly too, I'm sure, but almost no one, no one!!!!!, knows what it looks like to lose 100 pounds. You have to remember that people have a confused image of weight. My sister, when she saw me, was shocked that I had lost a considerable amount of weight, and she said, "Oh my god, you must have lost like 20 pounds!" (I had lost 60 since she saw me, lol, but I imagine in relative terms, losing 20 pounds is A LOT from her perspective).

So I guess I'm saying the woman really has no idea what 100 pounds would look like. It was probably just an arbitrary number in her head that came about during her dream and she thought it was neat or whatever.
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Old 05-14-2008, 08:08 AM   #7
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I am sorry she hurt your feelings. You know this person - only you know if it was meant as a positive or negative. So often people say things without ever realizing how it effects others. Hopefully - it was her way of saying - hey, I dreamt you reached your goal.

Take care.

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Old 05-16-2008, 05:57 PM   #8
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It would be nice if people just kept their mouths shut, why do they have to comment at all. I don't really buy that some of these comments are unintentional. We don't go around saying boy are you bald or your face looks terrible, etc. Bah humbug.
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Old 05-16-2008, 06:03 PM   #9
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Paula, I know what you mean, I've always felt like it was bad form to make personal comments, weight-related or otherwise, whether they were intended nicely or not. But then on the other hand if I see someone I haven't seen in a while and they don't say anything I sometimes think "jeez, I've lost 60 lbs. and you didn't even notice. Does it not show at all?" I guess there's no winning here. For my own policy, unless it's someone I'm very close to, I wouldn't make a comment either way, unless they brought it up.
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Old 05-16-2008, 06:26 PM   #10
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I'm all about dreams, I guess I would've focused more on the fact that someone else now dreamed about you losing weight and would've taken it as a compliment that I AM GOING TO SUCCEED!!!!

I had my weird dream about trying to buy a red dress in a size 12 ( was a 26 at the time of the dream) and the lady wouldn't sell it to me. I had to go over her head like 3 levels before they would sell it to me. That same night one of my son's caregivers dreamed I came to pick him up wearing this red dress in bright red heels looking H-O-T. I thought it was funny that we both dreamed about me and a red dress. I went out and bought me one that looked like the one I dreamed about (it's a size 18) and you'll be able to see me in it on Monday because I'm under 250 (not officially yet )

It's all in how you take it, if you let it bug you, it will eat at you. Just try and let it roll off your back that she was trying to be helpful and not hurtful and move one.

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Old 05-17-2008, 12:41 AM   #11
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I would like to think that she was telling you that as an encouragment, kind of a "I know you are going make it" type thing.

I once had a young lady ask when I was "due" I wanted to scream at her "I'm not pregnant stupid" but she meant well so I just smiled and told her I still had a couple of months to go. Then I promptly went home and started a diet the next morning.

I think I can! I think I can! I think I can!

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Old 05-19-2008, 01:43 PM   #12
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Oh yes, my husbands grandmother took me aside the Christmas before last to ask me if I was pregnant again......of course I wasn't. I was thankful she took me aside, but I imagined her and all her family talking before hand wondering if I was pregnant or just fatter. In reality, she just may have thought that in her head at the moment and asked (at least that is what I kept telling myself).
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Old 05-19-2008, 07:25 PM   #13
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I am sure it was meant to be a compliment, and you seem to know it too. What is really hard is reality being shoved in our faces. It is amazing how much a few misplaced words can hurt.
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