I am so lost - I recently lost one of my children - something that I never thought that I could survive. My life has felt like a living ****. So many things have happened and I feel like I am barely going through the motions of living. I had to go back to work. I cry everyday (I am not crying in front of people - some people are very uncomfortable with grief), I started smoking again, I have not gone back to the gym.
I know that nothing is going to bring my child back. I know that I still have a family to cherish and to love. I know that I have other children that I need to be there for (not that I am ignoring them - I could never do that). I know that I have things that I have to continue doing.
I know all of these things - but a part of me - does not want to get out bed in the morning and do all of these things, much less get up and go to work or to the gym. I honestly cannot say the last time I checked my blood sugar. I am finding it so hard to care about much of anything. I feel like I am barely existing.
Today was just so horrible and my husband and kids did their very best and I love them so much for it - but in my mind I could only think of the one that I lost. I know that I need to try and get my life back in order. I know it's going to take time, I know that I am just going to have step up and be a little bit stronger. I just don't know where to start.
__________________ Penney Semper Progredi - Always Forward!
The Only Thing I Want From Tomorrow Is To Live It Better Than Today.
Oh my goodness, Penney I am so sorry for your loss. I can tell by your words what a loving mother you are to ALL your children. I hope you can find someone to really express your grief to. Have you considered a grief/loss support group or counselor? I can only imagine how difficult this is for you and I think it is natural to need extra help emotionally during such a hard time.
I hope you find peace... I wish I had words to express how sorry I am for your pain.
Lost 103 pounds, regained 60+, taking it off again.
My Blog: www.escapefromobesity.net *Never Give Up!*
You have experienced a loss nobody should have to ever experience. Never. I am feeling helpless because I can't take your pain away. However, as you said, you need to find a way to start living again. I think that will take a lot of hard work and several interventions on your part. First, as mentioned before, counceling. Second, support group. Third, I think medication might be worthwhile. I tend to be anti meds, unless necessary and when I read your post, I think you're clinically depressed (who can blame you?). I don't know your thoughts on meds, but I personally know a handful of women who have found much relief. Actually, a friend of mine lost a child too and she is able to cope much better. Finally, move your body. Take a walk...you might not want to, but just go through the motions. Eventually, hopefully, you will find exercise to be a stress reliever. Also, keep a journal of your feelings. You might not want to break down in front of others, but you're entitled to your feelings....putting them down in a journal could be helpful...or not. Only you will figure out what works for you.
Penny I can't understand but truly I am sorry. I think already you're an amazingly strong woman and you're husband and children are lucky to have you through these times. You just have to stick together and use the one thing that brings people through these times, and that is love. We're all sending thought you're way
I wish I could give you a big hug. You need time to grieve. There are no rules for how to go through this, I agree with the others, a grieve counseller is a good idea - speaking to parents who have been through the same thing can help. You will find strength. Much love and peace.
"I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know, that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself: So, this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment. Right then." - Clarissa, The Hours
Penney - my heart is broken at the thought of your tremendous loss. No parent should have to go thru this. Please consider seeking some grief counselling - there is much out there to help you get thru this. You can ask the funeral home, or your local hospice or even your family doctor. One of those place can steer you in the right direction.
Move ticker, move!
Next Mini Goal - 214
"You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it." - Margaret Thatcher
I can't lose 100 pounds....but, just maybe I can lose five pounds twenty times.
Penney - I'm so sorry. Your are going through one of the worst times in a person's life. The grief process takes time. Just tackle one day at a time. I promise you, things will get easier in the future.
__________________ - Rhonda
"Live the life you've always imagined." Henry David Thoreau
Last edited by GirlyGirlSebas : 05-12-2008 at 08:07 AM.
Penney, I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope that at some point, you can find some peace.
I think that time and maybe some counseling could help, but I can't imagine that this is something that is easy to put behind you. Please take care of yourself.
This time, I'm going to be stronger, I'm not giving in. - Rudimental