3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community  

Go Back   3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community > Support Forum > Support Groups > 100 lb. Club

Slight vent

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 04-23-2008, 11:06 PM   #1
Senior Member
 
Lyn2007's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,416

S/C/G: 278/see ticker/168

Height: 5'6"

Default Slight vent

My husband has never been very supportive of my weight loss efforts. He used to always tell me "I am not attrected to skinny women" and "you can lose weight eating cookies, ice cream, chips, butter, fried chicken... just have to not overeat them." Um, yeah. And he has never said a word, not a single word about my weight loss.

Anyway over the last few months he seemed to be getting more supportive. I had asked him not to buy some things, like cases of candy bars, dozens of giant bakery muffins, etc. I don't mind if HE gets a candy bar or two or three for HIMSELF or a couple donuts for him, but I dont want tons of it sitting around for days. I don't want my kids eating that crap either. So he starting trying to help out by getting chips he knew I didn't like much, or smaller servings of stuff. He is out of town for weeks on end.

Last time he went out of town, the DAY before he left, he bought several bags of snacks like chips and cheetos and left them in the kitchen. Now he is back again and he just went shopping and came home with full fat sour cream, a couple half gallons of ice cream, a HUGE giant bag of chips, a big jug of "fake" sugary raspberry lemonade, and I dont even know what else. I know it's his $$ and I should just suck it up. He has the right to eat what he wants. But frankly he is 60 pounds overweight anyway and I am trying to teach my kids (his stepkids) to eat healthy. This makes it HARD. I just wish I had more support. Thankfully when he goes out of town I just throw it all away if it is bothering me.

Okay, thanks for listening!! (PMS coming on...)
__________________
Lyn
Lost 103 pounds, regained 60+, taking it off again.
My Blog:
www.escapefromobesity.net
*Never Give Up!*

Last edited by Lyn2007 : 04-23-2008 at 11:11 PM.
Lyn2007 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-23-2008, 11:55 PM   #2
Senior Member
 
JulieJ08's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: California
Posts: 7,097

S/C/G: 197/135/?

Height: 5'7"

Default

Maybe he really just needs a reminder. Some people really do just keep forgetting things like that. After all it's not really about them, and if you remind them, they say, oh yeah, sure, sorry.
JulieJ08 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2008, 12:18 AM   #3
Beauty, Brawn and Brains!
 
Goddess Jessica's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: California
Posts: 3,013

S/C/G: 298(O)/268.2(RS)/247.9.0/175.0

Height: 5'9''

Default

Bwhahaha! I just love that you throw it out once he leaves. That's awesome.

It sounds like a difficult situation and it may be "his money" but remember it's also your house too! Let him know that it really screws up your environment. Maybe you can designate a cabinet for his crap? In my house, real soda does not come through the front door and "bad" foods that need to be refrigerated go in the crisper drawer (out of sight, out of mind). I mean, that crisper drawer was doomsville for veggies for a long time, might as well make it useful!

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. On the bright side, most of the stuff you named sounds wretched!
Goddess Jessica is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2008, 04:43 AM   #4
Mummy-tummy battler
 
jitterfish's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 507

S/C/G: 132ish(290+)/~ticker~/75(165)

Height: 164(5'4")

Default

Designating a cupboard for him is a good idea, I like that and might have to instigate that for my other half!
__________________
"I've come too far to take orders from a cookie" - Thanks Nutrition junkie!
"If there was ever a zombie apocalypse Iíd be screwed at running away so I had better get fit because I canít shoot either" - Me

Overall Progress


8 Week Challenge

jitterfish is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2008, 06:40 AM   #5
Just Yr Everyday Chick
 
JayEll's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Florida
Posts: 10,098

S/C/G: Lost 50 lbs, regained some

Height: 5'3"

Default

I like the idea of giving him a separate cupboard, too, if you have the room.

And it's not HIS money. Assuming you are legally married, it's both of your money. As partners in a marriage, you have just as much right as he does to have or not have foods around.

Hang in there!

Jay
JayEll is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2008, 07:08 AM   #6
needs constant reminding
 
kittycat40's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,848

S/C/G: 164/maintenance since 8/08

Height: 5'4"

Default

Put his cabinet in the garage!!

Good for you for taking care of yourself and your kids!!
__________________


Calorie Counting Back to Maintenance Weight
kittycat40 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2008, 07:42 AM   #7
Former Quitter
 
GirlyGirlSebas's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 5,500

S/C/G: 310/310/180

Height: 5'7

Default

Well....I'm a little hard core about this stuff, so what I have to say may be controversial for some.

I am on this journey for my health and to teach my children how to eat. Tons of junk in the house sends the wrong message to my children. I want them to consider that stuff to be an occasional treat, not a daily habit. Hopefully, they can develop healthy relationships with food and avoid a lifetime of battling the fat. If this stuff is in the house, my children only want the junk...constantly...and nothing healthy. Apple or chips? You guessed it...the chips will win every time. Also, our home is my one area that I should feel comfortable and at ease. I can not be at ease if I'm constantly getting "called" by the off-plan treats in the house. For years, I put myself last in everything. I left my health behind me many years ago. But, what message does this send to my children? I have two daughters. Do I want them to sacrifice themselves for the good of everyone else? Don't they deserve health and happiness, too? Are the desires of their future husbands and children to always supercede what is best for them?

I've had talks with my husband and he has agreed to help me and our children by not bringing that stuff into the house. On the occasions when he does go on a "binge" and brings in several bags of cookies, chips, regular soda....I simply throw the @#$% out! Believe me, it didn't take long for him to get the message....'Be the supportive and loving husband you signed up to be.....or, I'll take matters into my own hands!' No more self sacrifice and killing myself.
__________________
- Rhonda

"Live the life you've always imagined." Henry David Thoreau


GirlyGirlSebas is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2008, 09:05 AM   #8
Senior Member
 
Tonia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Central Valley, CA USA
Posts: 409

Height: 5'8"

Default

I was thinking what Rhonda said...maybe instead of focusing on the weight loss benefits encourage him to focus on the health benefits of not eating all that junk.

Good luck!
__________________
Tonia

All great achievements require time.
~Maya Angelou


Tonia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2008, 09:34 AM   #9
~One Day At A Time~
 
ThisTimeIsDifferent's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: NY
Posts: 335

S/C/G: 301.2/Ticker/250

Height: 5 6"

Default

[quote=kittycat40;2166036]Put his cabinet in the garage!!

LOL!

I would have a sit down with him, and explain that your really trying to change your, and the kid's eating habits, and he's putting a huge damper on that by setting a bad example.
__________________
Lonnie


Memorial Day Challenge Weight

Believe In Yourself, Trust The Process, Change Forever
ThisTimeIsDifferent is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2008, 10:07 AM   #10
Senior Member
 
findingfawn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,700

S/C/G: high285/resrart276/ticker/140

Height: 5'3"

Default

I'm sure he doesn't have intentions of sabatoging you, but I know it's hard. Last week one day I sent my hubby to the store for bread and who knows what else.. he comes home looks in the bag and says "oh s*@%" I was like what.. he blushes and says "I was supposed to eat the evidence". He bought a snickers bar and forgot to eat it on the way home... he has agreed to take this journey with me so I was kinda POed. I sat the candy aside and served up dinner... then when dinner was over right in front of him I opened the candy bar, called the kids over to me and split it between them! I don't think he expected that! The other day we were heading out and he stopped at the store and picked up a big pack of cookies... now I don't mind the kids having animal cookies, but I do try to keep the sugary cookies out of the house... I could have beat him... it is very hard to stay away from that crap when it is in the house! I am managing, but it is still not fun!

I do like the giving him his own cupboard, We have started stashing all the snack foods in our bedroom, so it's not in the kitchen when we go looking for something to munch on, and also we have to think about it before we go get it. I was afraid I would find myself in there binging myself into euphoria, but so far it hasn't even occurred to me to do such a thing.
__________________
~~Sommer~~
Determined to find "Fawn", the skinny chick within me!


findingfawn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2008, 10:29 AM   #11
Senior Member
 
Robin41's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Northern California
Posts: 988

S/C/G: 292/144/145

Height: 5'10"

Default

Maybe a straightforward conversation about the mutual respect and care it takes to make a marriage work would be in order.

So he actively sabatoges your efforts and has never said a single nice word about the fact that you've lost almost 50 pounds. Not to be too blunt but is he a jerk in other ways or is it confined to the weight and food issue?

My husband has been incredible through all of this. Supportive, complimentary, just basically fantastic. I tell him these stories about some of the husbands around here and he is amazed at how they act. It frustrates me that there are so many other men out there who are just basically selfish.

I'm sorry you're not getting more help from your family. You're still doing amazingly well and should be really proud of yourself.
__________________
Robin41



Current Weight: 144 lbs.
Robin41 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2008, 10:32 AM   #12
Hi From Canada, eh?
 
Trazey34's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada, eh?
Posts: 2,361

S/C/G: check the ticker :)

Height: 5'8

Default

I'm lucky in that DH doesn't care for sweets or junk, and just eats a lot of FOOD instead - he'd eat anything I put in front of him, bless him LOL. When I make a salad with sliced chicken say for dinner, he eats it, says it was terrific, and then about an hour later makes himself a couple sandwiches LOL

I like the idea of a separate cupboard! I don't know that I'd like someone throwing food away that I'd bought for myself (unhealthy and gonna kill me or not!) in the garbage, that could cause some resentment I fear. Before I knew & accepted what was the best stuff for me to eat, I would have gotten the rage if someone decided FOR ME that no donuts were allowed in the house grrrr I'd be mad! But a separate spot where he can have what he likes and you don't even have to ever open it! if you're too tempted put a lock on it and he can have the key!
__________________

Started: 323
Now: 171 - nope, 165 now!
NOPE -- 162 now! Holy crap i've lost a PERSON!
Goal: 160


"People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily." - Zig Ziglar
Trazey34 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2008, 10:38 AM   #13
Senior Member
 
Lyn2007's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,416

S/C/G: 278/see ticker/168

Height: 5'6"

Default

LOL! I love the responses here. I guess we are all in the same boat in some ways.

I do think sometimes that he wants me to stop losing weight. Thus the comments about liking me fat, etc. Well I have to tell you, last year I told him I didnt want any soda in the house (unless he buys a can or two for himself, but the kids and I dont need it). Well he went out and bought 4 cases of Coke. Now, my husband never drinks Coke, and my kids don't either because of caffeine. So it was just for me. I have a hard time resisting Coke. Thankfully he has not done that again since I told him I would throw it all away. And he used to buy literally a case of candy bars and when I objected to them he put them in OUR bedroom on top of his dresser. I would go in there and see them and eat one. FInally I just put the whole case of Hershey bars into the freezer in the garage. Stuff down in the garage doesn't bother me, so a lot of stuff does go into the freezer so he can thaw out his servings and I dont have to deal with it.

I tried the "his cabinet" thing but it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks... LOL
__________________
Lyn
Lost 103 pounds, regained 60+, taking it off again.
My Blog:
www.escapefromobesity.net
*Never Give Up!*
Lyn2007 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2008, 10:38 AM   #14
Senior Member
 
friendlykat4u's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: RI
Posts: 429

Height: 5'8"

Default

My DH is a wonderful person and is very supportive, also he's concerned about health so he tries to eat better along with me. And with me doing the cooking I can control what I buy/cook.

But I can totally relate b/c my parents live with us and my brother too, all 3 of them eat what they want. I used to cook for everyone, but sometimes they wouldn't eat what I made and would get take out instead. This used to upset me a lot, so I said no more and now I only cook for my DH and myself. My mom tries to cook (she doesn't like it), but then she's faced with the same problem, dad & bro not wanting to eat what she made and wanting take out instead. I keep reminding them that what they're doing isn't healthy, that it isn't about vanity, it's about health. They listen, but still keep buying things they shouldn't eat. I've managed to stay away from their junk, but it's not easy sometimes.

So I know how difficult it can be, even if you "lay down the law", they're all adults and we're all living under the same roof. We all need to learn how to live with each other. I focus on me, I take care of myself 1st, then the rest. I try to keep healthy snacks and cook food I enjoy so I'm not tempted to eat something I'll regret later.

Hang in there, you're doing great, don't let this get you down!
__________________
friendlykat4u is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-24-2008, 10:45 AM   #15
Senior Member
 
Lyn2007's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,416

S/C/G: 278/see ticker/168

Height: 5'6"

Default

Robin, I hate to say it but yes there are other issues as well. I have never had much support from him. It's sort of ridiculous, I guess he is kind of immature (for an older-than-me husband). When my ortho dr told me to ride a recumbent bike, I was so pleased because DH said it was fine to buy one. I thought that was pretty supportive! I ride it almost every day. No one else has any interest in riding it... DH has several "real" bikes and is not interested in a stationary one. But when I say, "Can you watch the toddler so I can go ride my bike?" his answer is, "YOUR bike?" like he is offended that I didn't say "our" @@

Seriously I am on my own with this whole weight loss thing (and a lot of other things...)
__________________
Lyn
Lost 103 pounds, regained 60+, taking it off again.
My Blog:
www.escapefromobesity.net
*Never Give Up!*
Lyn2007 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Posts by members, moderators and admins are not considered medical advice
and no guarantee is made against accuracy.


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:51 PM.






Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.3.2