I feel like a failure... maybe that's what's keeping me from continuing. At this point I've stayed still for far too long... since about October. At the end of the day, I'm just not ready to give up the things I love to eat.

I should be more positive. After all, since October, I've maintained somewhere between 275 and 272, and if I went above that, I always got back down. My body seems comfortable at 275, and I'm not engaging my body to get uncomfortable with it. I also have the potential thyroid problem looming overhead and I don't feel like I can do anything about it without health insurance.

So far I've accomplished about a 35lb loss, maintaining that loss for 6 months by eating smaller portions and very sketchy exercise. I have stopped calorie counting... so I know I can eat "intuitively" to maintain, but not to lose. To succeed, I know I need to track what I am eating and aim to take out the sugary desserts (they are my downfall, I'd say for the most part everything else I eat is pretty healthy and could show some improvement, but I am generally careful/conscious about it) and get my butt moving in a formal exercise plan.

I would say that I've been a bit depressed for the last 6 months. John has been out of work all this time (my hubby, we just got married March 22nd), and things have gone from bad to worse to OK. I shouldn't complain too much because we've certainly been blessed with a lot of things to make him not working something we can manage, but if gas is really going to $5 a gallon this summer, it sure would help to have another income. So that among other things including the whole weight thing are keeping my spirits down and I don't know what will get me back to the point where I am ready to find a new plan that will work for the next 35lbs or so.

I see everyone who is successful on this site and envy their drive. I wish I had it.

Take credit for maintaining your 35 pound weight loss for 6 months. That's an awesome accomplishment. It is so easy when you're not seeing a loss to slide back into your old WOE and start gaining. You've successfully avoided this. What you've learned so far that's allowing you to maintain will stand you in good stead as you go forward.

It sounds like you have some solid ideas about what to do when you are ready to focus on losing again. The fact that you are discussing it here may be an indicator that you will be ready soon to make some of those changes.

Remember you don't have to change everything. Just pick one small thing and commit to make that change today. Perhaps it's as simple as making a healthier choice for dessert today. Whatever you decide, you know you can do it when you're ready. Best wishes.

Hi Rakel! Good to see you again! Congrats on your marriage! Did you have a wonderful wedding???

Don't be so hard on yourself. You know what could have happened? You could have gained back 35 of those pounds plus another 20. I'm impressed you've maintained such a big loss. =D

Why not work slowly, and do one thing at a time? Like cut your dessert portion in half. Or, make a small goal to exercise for a little bit longer for a whole week? That might make you feel more in control. Having too much drive is dangerous, and you're apt to burn out.

A 36 pound loss is significant, keep at it and you will meet your goal.

Rakel, there are those of us who have it on this site, and those of us who struggle. You are not alone in this and you would be amazed at how many people actually have been in similar situations as you have been, the hard times, the depression, the not being there 100% for your own weight loss journey.

I think it's absolutely fantastic that you have maintained a 35lb loss! Not many people can actually say that! You know what my total weight loss has been since I re-started in 2006? Less than 10 pounds. I can look at it as pathetic or I can think to myself, I am STILL 10 pounds lighter than when I was at my heaviest. It's STILL 10 pounds that I do not have to try to get off again. I'm far away from where I want to be and my life/time schedule has been my crutch to not commit, but at the end of the day, I HAVE to take care of myself. I HAVE to do this for me. And when you are ready, you'll push further to get another 35 lbs loss. And you'll do it until you reach your ultimate goal.

You are NOT a failure. I felt like this several weeks ago and some great ladies here told me the same thing. You are NOT a failure. You have kept off 35lbs and that is something to be incredibly proud of. Do whatever you can, each and every day and when you are really ready and you don't have this extra stuff going on in your life, you WILL kick some butt and move downwards!

I have to tell ya, I used to think that too. I always wondered, how come they can do it and I can't? I would get up and try but then end up going back to the bag of cheetos. I just didn't have the drive. Well I still don't really have the "drive" to tell you the truth, but I think I am successful anyway. Somewhere along the line I discovered that I don't NEED drive, or even motivation, to lose weight. I just need action. I don't always feel like eating right or exercizing, but I just do it. I block out the emotions and force myself. It IS getting easier as I see results, but I just wanted you to know that you don't HAVE to wait for the light bulb moment or the big surge of motivation. If you can find things you love to eat that are healthy, that's a good start. If you can force yourself to walk or something a couple days a week, it will help.

People talk about being "ready" to lose but for me if I had waited until I was ready to give up pizza and binging, I would be 300+ by now. Sometimes the answer is to do it regardless of how you feel about it. Just an idea for you to consider. Only you know what is going to bring you happiness and contentment in your life! Good luck and I do hope you find it.

p.s.... I also maintained for several months over the winter. Sometimes the body (and mind) just want a break! Maintaining is better than gaining for sure.

Rakel - So glad to see you here again! Congratulations on your wedding

Everyone else is quite right. You're a success! You've lost 35lbs, and have been able to maintian that loss for 6 WHOLE MONTHS! That's incredible!

Lyn has in mind what I was thinking. Sometimes we just have to fake it 'til we make it. Doing things & going through the motions even though we don't feel like it.

You can do this! We're all here for you!

I KNOW you can get it together
Maintaining a loss is no small feat, and you've done it for six months. You've had some great practice for when you've lost all you want to lose!

I believe in you, now you just need to believe in yourself

On another note.....WEDDING details and pictures PLEASE!!!!!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!


Linda

Thanks for your words of encouragement everybody!

The wedding went great -- fast, but great . It was really nice to see all of my family since they live so far away, and I got to reconnect with my aunt who I have not seen for about 12 years. She only lives 2 hours away from me now, so I think we'll have to get together sometime. I don't have pictures yet -- I made a deal with my photographer that we would exchange services. I have to finish her website before she'll give me the photos, which I wanted to do because I felt like it was fair

I think starting with 20 to 30 minutes of walking a day will be something easy for me to slip into in addition to some free weights. I'll try to do that without much alteration to my diet aside from perhaps instating a two bite rule with desserts.

Rakel, I can sooo relate to you as I've struggled for 20+ YEARS. So though you may think of me as one who is successful and with drive, I am here to tell you that that wasn't always the case. Like I said, after struggling for 20+ years (I'll let you in a little secret, I sometimes still do) I finally "got it together" and after umpteen false starts finally became "successful". It only takes one single time to get it right. We get chance after chance. As many as it takes in fact. The past doesn't matter. It is not an indicator of the future. What you did yesterday doesn't matter. It's what you do today.

And for the record, I think you're incredibly successful. You've maitained a 35 lb loss for quite some time!!! Not an easy feat. You're obviously doing something right. Many things actually. Just work on it. Build on it. Better habits. Better choices. More consistiency. Go right back to what led you to lose the 35 lbs. Stricter. More tracking. Planning, planning and more planning. More awareness. Lose the sugary desserts. You said they are your downfall. So there you have it. Lose em'. They are doing you nothing. They may taste good, but the good ends there. You absolutely don't need them. After a couple of weeks without them you will be feeling wonderful and will barely miss them, if at all. You will be thrilled to pieces with the results and wonder why the heck you didn't elminate them sooner.

I know for sure, for sure that you can do this. There is ZERO doubt in my mind. ZERO. Losing weight is a doable thing and there is no reason in the world why you too can't do it. Make that commitment. You will never, ever regret getting down to healthy weight. Not for a single second.

Hi Rakel,

Hello from Orlando. I don't have much to add to everyone else's great encouragement, but let me know if you're in the neighborhood and want to get together for coffee or something. I think sometimes it helps just to have someone to talk to who really understands.

Lisa

I think you are so close! You are already successful at maintaining - this is not an easy thing to master. I know I would not be able to do it without tracking and exercising. You know what needs to be done, just fake the drive, girl. You CAN DO THIS. Baby steps if ya gotta, start tracking or start exercising....

When I used to really struggle with this whole weight loss thing I too would be like you and envy everyone on here who it seemed like the weight was just falling off them. After finally giving up trying to lose weight (and gaining it all back plus some) I finally realized that I can't compare myself to anyone—not here and not IRL. I am my own person with my own set of biology, life experiences, and even expectations. I know that what works for me won't work for most. I share my experiences though because there may be that one person out there who is similar to me and could really help.

With that said, I've been on an anti-depressant for almost 6 months. I sure as heck wish I would've done it a lot sooner. I feel so much better about myself, about life, am able to be a more balanced person because of it. I don't see it as a weakness because I had to get medication to help me, I see it as a tool that is helping me to keep focused. I still go to the doctor monthly to discuss my dosage, life, etc. I expressed concerns about being on it long-term and she wasn't concerned. (Plus I've done my own research on it.) If you are struggling with your depression, there is help out there—and it's not super expensive. (My generic prozac is $4 a month for 30 pills at wally world. )

for your maintaining the 35 pound loss in six months. Like the others have said, not many people can claim that honor. I know I can't.

You have definately gotten some good advice here. Remember everyone here is rooting for you! If you have learned that tracking is what you need to do, then put it into action! I love the adding a 20-30 minute walk in everyday. Every little bit helps! You have done a wonderful job at maintaining, if you can do that you can do anything!

Hi - You are down over 30 pounds!! That is awesome. I feel like you do, but I'm only down 2 pounds, maybe 3 depending on the scale. I also look at everyone's ticker and wish for the day mine moves down, but I know I have to stick to it. I saw someone quote something along the lines of "If you change nothing, then nothing changes". So I know I need to change something. One of the things I've changed is I keep coming here for inspiration. And this week I'll add some exercise.
You are one of my inspirations Rakel, keep coming back so I can hear how you are doing!