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Old 02-27-2002, 08:16 PM   #1  
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Default I'm not fat because I'm stupid!

I just had to get saying that out of my system.

I mostly lurk here but what I'm trying to say is I know so much about fat grams, calories, exercise, metabolism, etc. yet I don't put my knowledge into practice. Why?

I know what I have to do to lose weight but I still haven't figured out why I just don't do it. I don't know if deep down I just don't believe in myself or what. I have lost weight before, and have gained it back although I've never attained my goal weight.

So ladies, why is it such a struggle to put what we know into practice? (If I seem a little frustrated with myself, please bear with me since it's that TOM
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Old 02-27-2002, 10:42 PM   #2  
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I completely and TOTALLY understand where you are coming from. As I have started this diet anew... a week later I am discovering I had all the tools, the knowledge, the books, the skills, so why did it take me so gosh-darn long to finally do this?? I think you just need to find your motivation. I have tried to do this many times before, and have FAILED before I even STARTED!! But this time, I want this.. I want health, I want to look better, I want people to look at me twice because I look GOOD!! Not because I am some fat chick standing next to a well-built guy (my dh).

I hope you can find your motivation... Let me tell you, if you are not ready to lose weight EMOTIONALLY, MENTALLY, and PHYSICALLY, it will never happen. And although I'm only 24 I have 10 years of experience telling me that!!!

You need to find the right combination for you.. and you will!!
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Old 02-27-2002, 11:19 PM   #3  
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Jinkies-I know EXACTLY what you mean. I have been saying for years now that I know what to do, but am not doing it. BA99TJ is right, you have to have the right mind set. I don't even know exactly how to get there, but this site has been helping. Sometimes just being around motivated people can help get you going. This time around, health concerns are helping to motivate me also.

As to why we don't get going; it is scary to lose that security blanket. I don't know about you, but I have spent years mooning about how grand life would be "IF ONLY...." and I have spent years feeling miserable and obsessing about my weight. Years where I could have been getting out and having fun, and accomplishing things. Or even appreciating what I DO have. At age 40 I started making jewelry, and found out I'm pretty darn good at it!! (Despite the fact that I am still fat!!!)

Basically, fat or thin, life is going to have ups and downs. The downs are going to happen, EVEN WHEN WE LOSE THIS WEIGHT. The difference is, we'll have more energy to deal with them. Every time I have taken a chance it has worked out okay. So I am now ready to take a chance on throwing out that security blanket. Still a bit shaky, but ready. How about it?
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Old 02-28-2002, 10:51 AM   #4  
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The famous "CLICK".

Isn't it great that so many people can relate to our feelings? That's why I luv this place so much.

I called mine the "CLICK". When everything clicks in your head. When you push everything aside and finally do this because you WANT to. Because you truly want to do this for YOU.

How many times have we "tried"? How many times have we all started over? I have lost count.

I had to put everything aside in my life. My weightloss and my health had to be on the front burner. Not in the back, like in the past. As soon as I did that. It worked. I lost 62 lbs.

Divorce and other stresses allowed me to put my health once again on the back burner, and I gained 30 lbs back.

But once again, MY health, MY happiness, MY needs and wants are on the front burner. I don't obsess over it. But it is the #1 thing in my life right now. To care for this body. To do what I have to do for ME.

We all had the knowledge before. Your not alone. But for whatever reason, even if we felt we really really wanted it, the "CLICK" just didn't happen for us. Weightloss goes beyond physicall. More mental than anything in my opinion.

None of us want to be selfish. But we must put ourselves first to succeed. We can only be the best Daughters, Mothers, Spouses, employees, friends..if were taking care of ourselves first.
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Old 02-28-2002, 10:59 AM   #5  
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I may be a bit overwealming here but this is my experience.

Let me just add my few cents in this. i lived all my life overweight then fat then obese. i am nnow just reaching the size i was in highschool (still fat) but it took an emotional breakdown for me to finally decide to loose the weight. I started the wrong way and stopped eating feeling that i can waist away, (wrong) but the point was that i needed to come to a crisis in my life that was real to me to get to the point that i needed to be. I tried for many years. it is really a mind over matter thing and you really need to have your minds attention to get the weight loss thing startd. I am not saying that you need to get to the point that i did but you have to make that decisin and keep that decision to your. I have been studing goals and the first thing is to make the goal your priority. your desire, your passion. and then and only then is what will get you out of your rut. sit down and write all the benifits of being fat. and of being the right weight. all the draw backs of being fat and then all the drawbacks of being the health weight. then decide to make the changes in your life. is food that much of a reward that you are willing to give up all the things that being the health weight can offer you? is food that good??? which is better for you?? eating that doughnut, or that frenchfry? food is just a temporary thing being fat is not. food is just a small temporary satisfaction and then 30 min later the satisfaction is gone. just imangine the satisfaction of reaching your goal. that is not gone i a shrt time it last the life time. being able to go up the stairs is a longterm sttisfaction. being able to run with your kids is long term. being able to have kids (in cases of PCOS) is denfinatly a long term satisfaction (some times) you need to make the decisin and stick with it what means more to you food or your life?


and if you find a day that you just absently mindedly stuff food in your mouth then do not incriminate your self get back up dust off and start again, today so what if you finished off a dozen doughnuts the crime is when you do not pick your self back up and get back OP. the crime is when you do not respect your self to not try again. Well all fall, we all falter in our resolve, but if you do not make an effort then next year you will have not changed and the next and the next. it has taken me 2 years almost to get to have been down 65 lbs. 20 months to be exact. so that is an average of 3.25 lbs a month and that is a bit depressing but that is 3.25 lbs a month that i would not have lost if i have not tried. i would not be down anywhere in fact i know i woulg been heavier!!!

So any ways just make the desisin and make it your passion to make the changes in your life, and if it does not come droping off just think of me and how slow i am going but i am getting there. i am goin g to reach my goal. I have made this my life it is in my thoughts constantly, and i very rarely anymore stuff food in my face without realizing it, and that is a real accopmplishment for me.

well tiem for me to get off my soap box!! PHEW!
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Old 02-28-2002, 12:57 PM   #6  
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Jinkies, everyone here has given you such great advice. I have felt your feeling for a long time, I've always said that I knew what I needed to do, I just wasn't doing it.

I think it's a matter of finding what works for you. Try and look at your situation and see why you allow yourself not to do what you know would be in your best interest. For me it's all about accountability. I need to belong to a group and have someone to "check in" with. Find what you need. What do you think will help you be successful?
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Old 02-28-2002, 02:59 PM   #7  
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Sandi I did forget that it is the most important part. the group feeling like i am not alone the help to get up and stay OP. that is the most important part of the whole thing. doing this alone is too hard for me. i have always suck beofre and now i am continuing with the help of my special friends here.

thanks for reminding me of that!!!

The key ingrediant besides passion for the success.
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Old 02-28-2002, 03:16 PM   #8  
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Thanks, everyone! It is true that I do need to make my health a priority. I tend to get myself lost in the shuffle of taking care of kids, house, etc. and sometimes it's hard not to feel guilty for putting myself first.

It is nice to know that other people can relate to being as exasperated as I am.

I haven't really had that "click" yet. I've looked at so many websites of people who've lost weight and many of them seem to say, "One day, I just decided." It seems so simple yet I think it's true that the mental battle is greater than the physical. To want to be healthier, fitter, and feel better more than anything else in the world.

I'm not when I'll get that mental click. I've been trying to figure out why I let myself stay this way. What prohibits me changing?

I think a big part of it is I've never felt like I've belonged. I had a dysfunctional upbringing so I don't feel like I belong in my family. I never really felt like I belonged in high school or college. I had/have friends and everything but even today I have this feeling of being on the sidelines--like I just don't belong anywhere. I don't know if I use my weight as an excuse to not fit in.

People tend to like me OK and I like being around people. I can have fun and do things in a group but there's always a sense of not really being a part of things. Does this make sense? Anyone else feel this way? Somehow I think if I could figure this out I could get that mental click.

Anyway, thanks again for the kind words and support!
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Old 02-28-2002, 03:29 PM   #9  
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Jinkies:
I can 100% relate to what you are saying, and I am quite sure you are correct.
I too felt a long time like I didn't fit in anywhere. I was quite dependant on others, I was quite down on self esteem. Even the fact that I had someone who wanted to marry me (and eventually did!) didn't help. I stayed at home, I had friends, but I never really 100% let go to be "myself" with them, and if they didn't accept me for who I was, I shoved them out. I knew that people did love me and value me, but I didn't accept it, and couldn't find where I fit into the whole big picture.

About a month ago that started to change. I made some decisions to go out and get involved in things, regardless of whether or not my husband would be left home alone, if I was worried about how people would like me, etc. I started to feel more independant and confident. Then I realized that I'd been "hiding" from several opportunities to serve in our church. My DH and I talked, and decided to take over the leadership of our youthgroup. I got several letters from different people letting me know how much they appreciated the things I was doing. I started to feel important, loved, and like I had found my place.

Shortly after I started to feel this way, was when I finally had the "gumption" to try this weight loss thing again. It has been a COMPLETE success (one I never could have imagined!!) so far. I have found friends on these boards to support me, I feel valuable because I can give advice as well as get it.

I would suggest that you do 1 of 2 things (or both!). Either try and get out there, and find someplace that your particular skills are needed!! Or, I would suggest going to see a counselor. I did, and she helped me to learn to accept myself for who I was, and not depend so much on "fitting in" or on others to get my sense of self-worth.

I hope this helps, please email me any time for support, or to talk, or whatever!!

[email protected]
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Old 02-28-2002, 06:22 PM   #10  
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So many of us have had the same experiences!

Jinkies, I had a relatively happy childhood yet I've also felt like I didn't fit in for most of my life. In my case I was depressed and needed help for that. I still sometimes have to force myself to get out of the house, or even to be myself (instead of being who I thought others wanted me to be.) I have always tried too hard to please others. I also understand that guilt thing, but as Jennifer said, you have to take care of yourself first.

REMEMBER--our children are picking up not only on how we treat THEM but how we treat ourselves. When they see us valueing ourselves and taking care of ourselves it helps them learn to value themselves too.

You are reaching out here, which is FANTASTIC. A lot of the other posters suggested getting out and doing things. I agree. Like I said, sometimes I have had to FORCE myself. It may not feel comfortable at first, but soon you will be looking forward to it.

By the way...I have found that people seem to like the "real" me better!!
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Old 02-28-2002, 08:03 PM   #11  
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I was at a dissadvantage. i also felt like the outsider to everything. but i had chosen a profession that did not let my shy introverted part stay in the front. I learned to put up a great front, one that was outgoing and personable. what i found was that many peo0ple liked that person and i soon became that person. I frequent have the shy person take over but i also have the extrovert take over many times i feel uncomfortable. I am more and more the extrovert now. and most of that is my selfconfidence that occured with the weight loss, and the feeling of accomplishment. you may not feel the click untill you have experienced the success of reaching some small goals with your weight loss. one good thing is that here you can be extroverted as we do not know who and where we are. you can tell even the deepest darkest secrets and nobody will know. that helps a lot with this. I can tell you I ate 2 cookies today (and i did) and not feel the incrimination of being judged. the wonderful part is that we all know how it is. being this much overweight has it's own set of problems and that is what we understand. if weight loss was simple then we all would be skinny. it isn't. and even if you do not feel that click, mine was one that slaped you in the face, others it is not as bold, it is a gentle tug that will do it. i just did not have the resolve to maintian any weight loss program thill that slap. (and that is what lead me to this site) and i know that nothing would have happened if it was not for this site. I would have given up like i had so many times, and when i start to fall then it is you girls here that bring me back to the heart of the matter. that may be the difference in what made this time different that any other time.

So do not wait till you feel that click. it may not come for a long time and hopefully you will never need it. let me tell you it is the pits!!! but feel the support and love that we have for eachother and that may be enough to get you off the ground and well on the way. and when you feel the success that will be enough to get you to stay ontract!! (there are a few more tricks to go through when you have started to lose that will help you see the wonderful things you have accomplished.
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Old 02-28-2002, 10:07 PM   #12  
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Shock! You ate 2 cookies! horrors Just kidding!!!
I used to HATE feeling like I had to be ashamed when I screwed up. Now I count it, and you know what?? Most of the time I haven't blown it as badly as I thought.

You guys are great, my wise guy side just had a desperate need to come out!!
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Old 03-01-2002, 07:22 AM   #13  
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I've read articles that say you have to hit your own personal rock bottom before you can change negative behaviours. I thought I had hit my rock bottom before but last weekend I think I really hit it. This may sound kind of strange but it was an enormous wake up call. I was in the bathroom putting my hair back in a ponytail and I just happened to see my reflection as I turned my head on an angle. Well it happened to look like my neck was as big as my head and that I had no chin! I have a bunch of pictures from my SIL's wedding and Xmas and that is what I look like with this giant fat neck. At the time I dismissed these photos, you know, the camera adds 10 lbs (all in my neck apparently), I'm not photogenic, I was having a bad day, that's not really what I look like. That day I discovered that is what I do look like and it absolutely disgusts me that I could let myself go like this. On top of the fact that I feel unhealthy, I look terrible was enough to push me over the edge. I've been on the lose weight wagon ever since and I'm determined not to slip. I've also discovered a great visual aid to stop myself. I imagine how I looked and felt at that moment when I saw myself in the mirror. It really helps to keep my going when I feel like I want to stop exercising or when I am looking in the fridge, not really hungry, just bored and looking to snack.

Now I'm not saying that we all need to experience something terrible to start losing weight but I think we need to have something happen to get that 'click' that Jenniffer was talking about.
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Old 03-01-2002, 10:33 AM   #14  
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I think that we all have had a "click" in our lives before, or we wouldn't be here. I am sure most of us all have lost weight in the past, only to regain it. Up and down. Up and down. I know I have, my entire adult life.

When I first began the "journey" in 2000, it was right after I sw my wedding pictures. I watched my wedding video and I cried my eyes out. Not because I was happy or sad. But because I no longer knew who that bride was. I barely saw myself. And it clicked in my head I had to do something. I had fallen into a depression because of my physical state. I was also diagnosed with PCOS, and I was desperatly trying to get pregnant. That was my first real CLICK. I didn't tell anyone though. Only my friends here. I had no outside pressure. Even when I lost 20 lbs, I still didn't tell anyone. Soon enough ppl saw the changes, and the compliments kept pouring in. That's what kept me going to lose 62 lbs.

That was my secret. And I strongly advise it. Were all different. But am sure most ppl would agree with me. "wearing a sign" that says "I am dieting!" is maybe the worst way to sabatoge yourself. I didn't tell co-workers, friends, family or my then husband. It was my little secret. And I enjoyed just sharing my experiences with those who truly understood..everyone here. Obviously in time, everyone knew I was losing just by looking at me. But I didn't feel the outside pressure. I didn't feel everyone looking at me and what was on my plate. My then husband was always supportive of me while trying to lose weight. But we all know people tend to turn into the food police when they know someone is dieting. I didn't need the added pressure.

And it worked.
I am doing it again.

It feels so much better, going through our days feeling good about ourselves because were doing what we have to. When we spend our days being mad and sad that were overweight, comforting ourselves with food, we feel horrible. And get no where.

I have a trick I play with myself. When I tempted, the first thing I ask myself is this:

"Will this make you feel better or wore about yourself? Is it worth it?"

Usually helps. Try it.

Wow..am babbling today. lol
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