Hey
this is a really important subject to me because it was one of the biggest reasons I kept trying and failing. I wanted to be PERFECT. When I planned how to lose weight (and I could spend hours fantasizing about just HOW I would do it), I imagined perfect low calorie days.
Well, there were a couple of flaws to my grand imaginary weight loss scheme when I tried to put it into practice:
1. I imagined perfect low calorie days, but didn't do any real work to make them happen. I didn't plan out meals, I just expected to eat low calorie kind of by accident. I had no plans for afternoon hungry, I just expected to suffer and be hungry. That didn't work out well - at all, I usually ended up tempted by some leftover cake in the breakroom at work.
2. If I ate "off plan" I felt like a failure and a loser, I felt like I had no will power. I didn't know what was WRONG with me, why could other people diet and I couldn't? When I felt like a failure, I didn't feel motivated, I felt like I had blown the day and I should just give up and "start over perfectly" tomorrow (or next Monday or next month or whatever).
So, to be successful this time, I've made two enormous changes in relation to this issue.
1. I plan my meals/snacks and actually do the hard work of going to the store, buying what I need, packing lunches/snacks. I realize that I DONT like being hungry and since I want to do this forever, I'm not going to be hungry and miserable every day. I'm going to EAT and be full, satisfied and happy. I don't expect to eat healthy/whole foods/in my calorie range by accident - I accept that it takes a lot of hard work and planning on my part and I am willing to do the work.
2. I accept that life is messy, complicated and unplanned. I will eat offplan foods. Unexpected cheese and crackers at work one afternoon did not make me heavy. I forgive myself (sometimes I brain storm better tactics for handling temptation - but I always forgive myself) and go right back to my healthy planned meal the next meal opportunity. I am very very careful that 1 unplanned meal doesn't become an offplan day or week.
After 3 years of maintenance, I have a lot more trust in myself and my way of eating. Occasional blips don't affect the scale. Overall, my goal is to eat onplan (healthy, counted calorie, whole foods) 90% of the time. 5% of the time is for my weekly planned treat meal (dinner in a nice restaurant, dessert, wine) and 5% is for stuff that happens (coworker passing out truffles, a biscotti with my latte, sampling the daily specials at Trader Joe's).
90% on plan works great for me - instead of feeling like a loser, I feel successful. I didn't used to like myself very much and now I think I'm pretty awesome.
Just wanted to add - in reference to your comment about adding stuff that isn't great for you - I had to just GIVE UP "bad" foods (sugar soda, packaged baked goods, chips, white flour pretzels, cookies, most candy). I don't grab bad foods because I just don't eat that stuff anymore. I NEEDED that kind of black/white mentality to simplify things for me, I don't have to anguish over should I or should I not buy a bag of Salt & Vinegar Lays potato chips - they have been a complete non issue for me for over 3 years. Since I don't eat fast food, I have to have my healthy meal choices on hand and ready. I know a lot of people are great about moderation - not me. My life is a lot simpler this way.
I do not feel deprived in any way - I eat consistently and mindfully 90% of the time so I can enjoy "treats." I love food, I don't want to waste calories on a Hershey's bar, if I'm going to eat something like that, it will be a wonderful dessert in a nice restaurant or excellent dark chocolate or something really really good. If I'm going to have a TREAT, it is going to be something wonderful and worth it to me!