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Old 02-15-2008, 09:01 AM   #1
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Unhappy You Call This Support?!?!

I have a friend who is, like me, significantly overweight. We're both currently working on losing weight, but we've taken two drastically different routes on how we're accomplishing this goal. I'm gradually making small lifestyle changes. She's throwing herself all into a very restrictive diet plan. Both of us are making progress.

Her weight loss is going faster, and I think mine is more sustainable. When I "fall off the wagon", I stay at a constant weight. When she falls off, she regains most or all of the weight she's lost. Since the Autumn, I've lost 27 lbs. She's lost and regained 40 with a current count of 10 lbs lost. That's all just background information, though.

At the beginning of this week, she made me a pie.

I'm confused as to what her motives are. I don't know how to respond to this.

I love pie, and it isn't outside of the rules of my new lifestyle, so I had a slice before leaving it in a communal fridge with an "eat me" sign on it. Did she know this is what I'd do, or did she think I'd sit down with a fork and inhale the whole thing?

How do I respond? Should I send her a cheesecake? Do I ignore the bad juju she's sending my way?

It feels like a serious betrayal. In a few weeks, her diet plan will have picked up, and she'll shoot past my 27 lb weight loss. So why the pie?
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Old 02-15-2008, 09:04 AM   #2
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I think you guys need to stop communicating how much you have lost to each other. You can make yourself nuts wondering about her motivation, but the only thing that matters is what YOU choose to do. Sounds like you approached it sensibly. Move on. And don't worry about her plans and losses/gains so much.

Good luck.
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Old 02-15-2008, 09:07 AM   #3
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We were supposed to be accountability buddies.

I guess I should find a new one?

Or would you suggest that I skip the weight loss buddy thing all together?
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Old 02-15-2008, 09:11 AM   #4
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I think that if she is causing you angst, it is not working.

I don't have a weight loss buddy, I have 3FC! But what works for me might not work for you. There are hundreds of people here who will cheer you on, be bummed out with you, and offer advice and encouragement.....and not one of us will hand you a fresh baked pie. :-)
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Old 02-15-2008, 09:15 AM   #5
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I suppose it's a question of the bigger evil.

Am I more likely to sit in front of the computer reading about weight loss instead of working on it? Or will I eat the whole pie next time?

Possibly both

Pie is my kryptonite!
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Old 02-15-2008, 09:18 AM   #6
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Wow...some friend! You would probably be better off without her as an accountability partner.
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Old 02-15-2008, 09:21 AM   #7
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I agree...I don't think this is really support. You can take a couple of routes..plan to eat one peice or sliver and share the rest. Take it home and give it away. If you feel comfortable with it...you might ask your friend why she made you a pie when you watching your calorie intake.

Good luck.
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Old 02-15-2008, 09:27 AM   #8
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Yah, I agree that maybe it would be better not to communicate weight loss numbers to each other or it's going to feel like a competition. Talking about staying on exercise and diet plans might be less frustrating and more inspiring. It's possible that she misses baking pies and because your diet plan doesn't forbid them as strongly as hers, she thinks it's ok. Or maybe she's just jealous. Either way, you can come off as a gracious and mature person by thanking her for the wonderful pie, telling her about how much your coworkers enjoyed it, and sending her a fruit basket in return. You could say "That pie was so good, I think I'm ready to wait until Thanksgiving before I eat pie again". But if she sends cookies next time, I guess you'll be forced to be a lot more blunt about it...
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Old 02-15-2008, 09:32 AM   #9
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Her actions could be; a) thoughtless b) deliberate. You will only find out if you ask her. If you think she is mean enough to do the latter then its time to move on without her. If its the former then perhaps a heart to heart with her might help her see that she is not helping.

BTW even if she does go shooting past you again, chances are she'll soon meet you again on her way back up when her strict regime cannot be maintained.

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Old 02-15-2008, 09:48 AM   #10
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That's rough... If my "New Year's Resolution Buddy" gave me a pie - I would yell at him. He and I check in to see how our 'goals' are going. His are not the same as mine. If we were both trying to lose a lot of weight - that could be hard. Although, I always like to assume the best of everyone, I wonder if your friend is a bit jealous of your steady weigh loss... She may not understand why your plan is working and hers isn't. Can you sit down with her and talk frankly about this?

If she keeps giving you things, and you just eat a serving and give the rest away... she will get bored that you are still losing weight and she hasn't sobatoged your 'diet'.
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Old 02-15-2008, 10:05 AM   #11
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Considering the background you provided, and the two very diverse approaches that you two are taking to weight loss, my guess is that she's losing her enthusiasm because she is, after all, on an unsustainable plan with minimal results, and since she's feeling like giving up, it would be more comfortable to give up if you did, too. I don't think she's being deliberately mean or anything like that; it's just that she's only thinking about herself and her own comfort levels rather than what might be best for you. Unfortunately, in the long run, she won't provide you with support in your weight loss efforts because she's insecure & unhappy with where she is, and can't look outside herself long enough to be happy for your success - or provide you with any support or encouragement.
So, yes. You either need a new partner or none at all. About the pie? Throw it out! It's only a pie - it's not the Hope Diamond. And if pie is your kryptonite (and your partner KNOWS this) I think the message is clear enough. Just don't agonize over it. Get rid of it, and if she presumes to make you ANOTHER one, don't even bother with the sliver - Simply say, "Oh, you KNOW I really can't take that...and I absolutely won't eat it, so thanks but no thanks!"
Dieting is rough enough - we can't let other people sabotage us.
Congratulations on how well you've done - keep up the good work!
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Old 02-15-2008, 10:11 AM   #12
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If I were you I would say thanks for the pie it was delicious! Even though you did not even have a bite and give it away to someone else or throw it away. That will show you are the bigger person, she is jealous and trying to distract you. Show her how strong you are by saying thank you and moving on. Show her it's not a big deal. Since you are going to show her it did not "upset" or distract you she'll know her plan did not work and she'll feel ridiculous and I doubt she'll try it again! Good luck!
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Old 02-15-2008, 10:41 AM   #13
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I would tell her thank you for the pie, and that all of your office workers (or wherever the communal fridge was) enjoyed it as well.

I am not so sure you are accountability partners here, it sounds more like you are in competition with each other. Not necessarily in a healthy way, either.
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Old 02-15-2008, 10:41 AM   #14
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It seems to me the issue here is not your "friend's" motive in giving you the pie. Really, you could second guess her all day and not ever know why she did it. The thing you need to think about is whether this buddy system is working for you or not. It does not seem to be working and really helping you to be positive and attain your goals. So, that being said, you probably need to just move on and maybe find some other support system, such as this board. Don't worry about your friend, just do what's right for you. It is what you have to do to reach your goal. Good luck and you're doing great!
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Old 02-15-2008, 10:42 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ellabella View Post
About the pie? Throw it out! It's only a pie - it's not the Hope Diamond.


HA HA HA!!! Love it!!!!
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