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ugh what do i do??? anything??

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Old 01-18-2008, 11:35 AM   #1
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Default ugh what do i do??? anything??

Ok this is a WEIRD post to be sure!

I have a friend who's quite obese as well, she's about 50 pounds heavier than I am now, and desperate to lose weight but doesn't want to actually DO any work to achieve it. That's fine, we've all been there, it's her decision.

I told her about this website and the great support, and how fun it is with your tracker showing how much you've lost, etc., and how you can post progress pics, etc. She said she was on "another site" with the same type of stuff....anyway, I was browsing around and I found her...


She's posted her pictures from NOW as her "before" pics, and pics from 5 or 6 years ago when she was significantly thinner as her "AFTER" pics, if you see what i mean.... she's getting all sorts of praise and worship and questions on how she did it, etc., but it's all a lie....

I know it's none of my business and she must be doing it for a self-esteem boost but it's so sad and tragic in my mind!! how would i bring it up?? SHOULD I bring it up? leave it alone??? ugh, it's horrible!

thanks for reading

Started: 323
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Old 01-18-2008, 11:40 AM   #2
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That is completely uncool. But if I was you, I'd leave it alone. However, if she wanted some help dropping some pounds I'd buddy up with her and help her the best I could. BTW I just don't get how that would help her self esteem because it isn't real and kind of sad.

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Old 01-18-2008, 11:41 AM   #3
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Tough one. It's pretty sad really. Maybe she is "psyching" herself into starting the journey.....but that's really reaching for an explanation.
I probably would say something because I've got a big mouth....but really I'm not sure that would be wise.
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Old 01-18-2008, 11:43 AM   #4
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That is sad. I too probably wouldn't say anything. You might ask her if she cares to share with you what site she's on and then later can tell her you checked it out and see what she does.

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Old 01-18-2008, 11:48 AM   #5
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Wow! Trazey...that is just crazy. Well, you now know a little something more about this friend. She's not honest. Hope she wasn't a close friend. I'm not sure its even worth it to bring it up.....unless, she wonders why you're not coming around as much?
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Old 01-18-2008, 11:49 AM   #6
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My sister-in-law is on a social networking site that I am also on. The pictures she has posted of herself there are all around 12 years old. She is now in her mid-30's, so all of the pics are of her when she was 23! Not too mention about 60 pounds skinnier......I think this is a sign of some very deep dissatisfaction with her current life. The internet has allowed her to fantasize about the 'good ol days' in a very real way. It is unhealthy and really quite sad.........I would say your friend has some self-esteem problems and would probably do anything to go back to that skinny self - problem is now she is fighting off other demons so doesn't have anything left over to fight the fat. Dr Phil's books are really insightful on some of this type of stuff...If she hasn't read them, maybe you could recommend them to her. Or just call Dr Phil and have her on the show!!!


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Old 01-18-2008, 12:34 PM   #7
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Maybe she needs the praise to feel good about herself.....maybe it will motivate her to get something going.....
One day at a time is more than just a saying.....
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Old 01-18-2008, 12:43 PM   #8
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Umm...she knows what she's doing. I wouldn't say anything - just try and be a good example. When she's ready she'll come around.
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Old 01-18-2008, 12:45 PM   #9
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Trazey - This is tragic. Regardless of her reasons. I feel for the woman. She is obviously low on self-esteem and wanting attention. (I may be a little touchy about this, because we're all on a site where we trust everyone here to be telling us the truth, because we think their accomplishments are amazing!)

Sadly, it isn't any of our business that she's lying. (Not like she's robbing banks or something.) So, I wouldn't bring it up directly if at all.

However, if you really-truly-have-to-know-no-buts-about-it want to find out why she's doing it... (yes, maybe for motivation... I doubt) then bring up the site she mentioned. Be blunt and ask her what her screen name is, and that you're curious about how she finds the site's support and what not. Maybe she'll come right out and say what she's done & why. If not... drop it completely. (Although for me this sort of thing would color my view of her differently.)
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Old 01-18-2008, 12:58 PM   #10
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Well, maybe in an odd way, the praise she is getting will help her get motivated to really deserve it. It's kind of funny but sad, and it would really disturb me to find out something like this about someone I considered a friend, so I understand why you're upset. I'm sure it would affect the relationship. Think about if you said something, what would it accomplish? If nothing except to embarrass her, I wouldn't say anything.

It does give pause though... Anything we read on any site could be false, even 3fc. I always try to keep this in mind, and also try to keep in mind that people I know could find my postings one day and figure out it's me. So I try not to write anything that I wouldn't say face to face, or that would be embarrassing if they became public knowledge.
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Old 01-18-2008, 01:07 PM   #11
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Ok, she's a poor sad woman looking for strangers to make her feel better about herself. Pretty sad but I wouldn't say anything; she's got enough problems without piling on more.

But Trazey, since we're all about honesty and accountability here, did you really just come across her "browsing around" or did you go looking for her out of curiosity? No fudging if you're going to question her honesty.

(By the way, I totally would have gone looking for her. It's why I don't tell "real" people I'm here.)

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Old 01-18-2008, 01:14 PM   #12
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I wouldn't say anything.

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Old 01-18-2008, 01:25 PM   #13
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The fact is... we don't know with absolute certainty who is telling the truth on websites. I'm sure what your friend is doing is more common than we know.

Should you ask her about it? I don't know. I'm not you, and I'm not your friend. Think about what your reasons would be. If it's something that might come between you if you don't talk about it, then perhaps you should say something. But try not to be judgmental about it, I guess.

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Old 01-18-2008, 01:36 PM   #14
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I would DEFINATELY say something... sometimes us fat people need a good 'ol SLAP IN THE FACE and to be like "Wake up FATTY!!! You're not fooling anyone, let alone yourself and your heart and your health! I found you on there--- is that what you do? Do you lie to yourself to feel better?"

I couldn't handle it. Either I'd say something or I would NEVER speak to her again about weight loss b/c she's a phony and a loser.

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Old 01-18-2008, 01:49 PM   #15
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I know when I was 15-16, I went through a phase where I lied about my body. Of course I woke up one day and just realized that if people don't accept me as is, it doesn't matter. It is just the internet, after all. So I kinda understand where she is coming from. I believe I couldn't do what I've done so far unless I was in a much happier place than I was then.

On one hand it's kinda worrying that people are asking her for tips. I know no one is a doctor and we can't garantee accuracy. You can tell what is something that helps because in most suiccess stories there is the same bottom line. I just hope whatever she is telling those people that it's safe.

I'd not mention it. Just hope that she becomes more comfortable in her skin now before she'll actually work for it,
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