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Just when I thought I had it all figured out...

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Old 01-04-2008, 10:34 AM   #1
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Default Just when I thought I had it all figured out...

....BAM! a whole new set of challenges!

I realize that this is a lifestyle and a lifelong commitment. Why can't others around me accept that? While I was actively in "weight loss mode" as opposed to maintenance/slower weight loss mode, people were so supportive. As many of you know, I reached my WW goal in November, and achieved lifetime status December 22. Great, right? WRONG! I feel (though no one has said it out loud) that my family and friends think I'm "cured". They just don't get it....it's like I'm almost feeling sabotaged at this point! For dinner at my mom's the other night my mom said to me "I made corn for you, and there's other veggies in the cellar if you'd rather have someting else." I know the kiddos all love corn (family dinner) and since I don't eat it much at home, the occassional time at my mom's is ok so I didn't fix any additional veggies. Towards the end of the meal, however, she announces to my brother that "all that juice in the bowl of corn is butter, that she drained the juice from the cans and put a stick of butter on it. OMG!!! Way to take a reasonable veggie and turn it into the devil!

One of my closest friends is acting weird also. I said something about having eaten a couple of cookies and that I need to knock that crap off, when she went into a tangent about how I'm too skinny and looking sickly, and that I need to quit "dieting". Let me say that I am at the top of my weight range for my height, and a well rounded size 8 (some 6's). There is nothing "too skinny" about me! She actually had me questioning myself and had me cornering my DH and kiddos begging them to be honest with me no matter what the answer about how I look. Totally put a whole new set of doubts into my brain.

So, those of you who have been where I am, how do you cope? Does it get easier? Please tell me it does, as this is almost harder than the whole losing part!
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Old 01-04-2008, 10:42 AM   #2
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Oh Kelly. I'm not where you are now and I've never been. But, I can only imagine how this all makes you feel. Hang in there.
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Old 01-04-2008, 10:46 AM   #3
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I am also not in your situation, but wanted to send out my support. Amazing that you could have a whole new set of issues to deal with AFTER you've accomplished such a great thing. What an eye opener.
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Old 01-04-2008, 10:46 AM   #4
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Family and friends can be the worst saboteurs... mine are terrible and I'm not even close to goal. I can just imagine that they think that now you are at goal then you can eat anything you want which, of course, we know is not true.

Maybe posting this in the Maintainers forums will give you some good strategies on dealing with this.

Sorry I couldn't be of more help. Stay strong, you've come a long way!
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Old 01-04-2008, 10:57 AM   #5
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I think Mom and your friend are two completely different issues. Mom did give you the option of eating some other vegetable if you'd rather, and she shouldn't have to change how she likes to eat for you.

The friend on the other hand is probably tired of being supportive, jealous that you've reached your goals, and just isn't real comfortable with all the changes you're making. People hate being rocked out of their comfortable little world where everybody has a little slot for the role they play.

At 182 I've already got the same situation happening to me. A good friend gave me the same speech and wouldn't believe how much I still weigh until I actually got on a scale. I then got a begrudging "well you carry it really well" out of her and a "well you still need to be careful you don't lose too much".

I think people just hate change. Personally I'm just going to avoid those who make my life and my weight loss goals more difficult than they need to be.
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Old 01-04-2008, 11:10 AM   #6
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Yes, I actually reached my goal weight about 20 years ago (I have since put it back on). However, folks don't often know how or what to say or act. Part of it could be jealousy, part could be being uncomfortable with change or even just not knowing what to do. You might just say that it took alot of work and determination to lose the weight and you know yourself - it could come back on easily. That you will always have to watch what you eat. Or something like that. Or - that you are now in the mode to learn how to maintain - and that is another challenge you must face.

Good luck.

Your weight loss in awesome!!!
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Old 01-04-2008, 11:26 AM   #7
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I'm getting a lot of this now, even with another 40lbs to lose - both from my mother (who I quite simply never eat with now ) and from a couple of 'friends'. I suspect there are so many people carrying an extra 20-50 pounds these days that people are struggling to define 'healthy' versus 'too thin'. Magazines don't help when they splash pictures of Jennifer Love Hewitt at a size 2 headlined 'FAT!' and pictures of Tara Reid as 'TOO THIN!' No one knows what healthy looks like.

Trust that your hubby will tell you if you go to far - and focus on what you want your body to FEEL like, in and out of clothes, rather than a scale number. Easier said than done!

Good luck, and stay focused for yourself.
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Old 01-04-2008, 11:49 AM   #8
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I am pretty lucky on this issue, but I think it's because (A) I don't talk much about my program--I figure it's my own business, no one else's--and (B) I moved after I lost the first round of weight. And since no one where I live now knows that I used to be bigger, they are not constantly watching my food choices.

The only exception is a friend I knew here before I moved here, who does know I've lost weight. She is thin, almost too thin, but that didn't stop her from telling me that I should be careful I don't lose "too much" more weight. I was happy to assure her that I am still overweight, thank you very much. It's hard to remember that the motivation (in this case) is just concern! I think I embarrassed her enough that she won't be making more comments, though.

So I would say--just stop talking about it! Deflect the comments, make your food choices--whatever they may be! and continue to maintain your weight.

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Old 01-04-2008, 12:02 PM   #9
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I agree with Heather that it has a lot to do with skewed pereceptions of what a healthy weight is. And with Robin41 re: the jealousy.
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Old 01-04-2008, 12:48 PM   #10
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Kelly--I've been there before. I got down to about 150 from 278 and I had been fat most of my life. My mom was saying I was too skinny and my bf was concerned also. People do carry their weight differently because I did look really small and petite with 150 on a 4'11' frame which is still not a healthy weight. I've since gained most of that weight back but I had to deflect the comments and know I was doing what was/is best for me.
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Old 01-04-2008, 01:06 PM   #11
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I’m experiencing some of the same issues. I really would like to lose an additional 5 pounds, but I refuse to tell anyone because some people are saying I’m too thin. I’m sure it’s because I look so different now than at did at 225 and they are comparing the new me to the old me. I’m sure no stranger on the street would thing I’m too thin.

I’ve lost a lot of weight before and found that I did listen to those people who said I was too thin and needed to eat a little more. I began to eat a little more here and there and stopped weighing myself and even though people stopped making those comments I was already back on the old track and regained all of my weight plus several more. I think that is one reason that so many people do not maintain their weight loss. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this exact subject since I just reached my goal right before Christmas. I realize this time that reaching my weight loss goal is only half the battle and I will continue to battle everyday. I wish I had more advice, I guess we have to realize that most people just don’t get it. I’m going to be selfish this time. I’m going to do what I think is best for me. If people truly love and support me they will understand. I just remind myself how quickly I can find myself right back where I started if I don’t continue with everything I’ve learned during this journey. I guess it just boils down to making ourselves happy
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Old 01-05-2008, 05:54 AM   #12
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Wow, Kelly, I guess you're entering the new domain of "hard." (I love Sandi's quote on her signature, it just says it all). Luckily, you know you can deal with it, having dealt with the "hard" of the weight loss I'm sure it will get easier as those close to you adjust to your new "role." I think also, for people who have never lost a schwack of weight, the whole concept of having to consciously maintain a lifestyle is probably not something they realize. I know my skinny friends just look a bit befuddled when I talk about trigger foods etc. They frequently ask me when my "diet" (ie the non consumption of sugar and other baddies) will end, and look confused when I say "never." I suppose it's like anything beyond your experience--it's hard to completely understand unless you've been there. However, it doesn't make it any less annoying
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Old 01-05-2008, 09:59 AM   #13
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There is no cure for obesity. I think of it as a medical condition that will need to be treated for life. It was depressing at first to think of it that way.
Isn't it everyone's dream that once you lose the weight, you can go back to how you ate before?

However, I try to think of food as fuel and medication per se, that is needed to keep my body running at its peak. I have not gotten to goal yet, but I have had talks with my family about how not much will change when I reach goal.
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Old 01-05-2008, 10:19 AM   #14
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I'm not at goal weight so I don't know what you are going through completely . I agree with Robin41 on the mother issue.

I also think your friend might be jealous or sick of hearing about your weight loss. I think we have to remember that when we drop pounds we change also and sometimes (I'm not saying you) can be off putting and self righteous.

Just the thought of not eating with a long time friend because I don't feel like she accommodates my weight loss goals would be a red flag to myself to chill. All I'm saying is that it takes understanding on both sides. Why not have a bit of a heart to heart with you're friend and find out what the deal really is?

Maybe you do look like you're getting too slim to your friend and she really is worried you are losing too much weight. Talk to her and remind her that you are in a healthy range. At any rate relationships that we hold dear is very important even if we don't agree with everything to be friends.

After you have talked to her about it and she doesn't back off tell her to shut up about it or you will stop hanging with her, of course in a nicer way.
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