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How do YOU put you first?

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Old 11-30-2007, 08:53 AM   #1
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Default How do YOU put you first?

I have heard so often that woman need to put themselves first. How do YOU do it? or do you?

I have a good size family - husband that works full time, and goes to school - 3 kids, and I work part time.


How do I know if I'm putting me first? and should I at this stage of my life? How do you balance things?

Do you put yourself first? Isn't it amazing how the grass is always greener on the other side? When I was single I thought family life would be so easy. Some days I think about those single days and think how lucky I had it and didn't realize it. Not that I want to change anything in my family - but man, I could use a break!

How do you make yourself a priority? You've heard the old phase - if momma ain't happy - nobody's happy!
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Old 11-30-2007, 08:57 AM   #2
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Hi Dana,

I'm not so sure that its a matter of putting myself first as much as making myself an equal priority. I am no longer willing to sacrifice my health and well being to satisfy the needs of my family. I've found that they are actually quite capable of doing more for themselves and more around the house than I ever really imagined. Maybe, it was more a matter of me wanting to validate my importance in their lives by trying to do everything myself? I know that I'm now much more relaxed which makes everyone much more happy.
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Old 11-30-2007, 09:02 AM   #3
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I agree, learning to delegate is a big thing - along with lowering my standards when it comes to the house. I have always been a "do it myself so it gets done right" kind of person. But I've had to learn to let go of some control and let others do some things. And amazingly, they are very willing to do it. If it's not done the way I would do it, I have to tell myself, at least it's better than not being done at all.
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Old 11-30-2007, 09:40 AM   #4
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I think becoming healthy is putting me first . Now when I buy food, I make sure it is healthy. I used to not buy myself healthy dinners ect..( the family eats meat, I don't), so I would end up hungry at night and eat junk, now I plan for the week, what I am going to eat and make sure I have something for myself to eat, and I do buy something extra, if the family is eating lets say, chicken, I will buy salmon, or veggie burgers, ect.. Yes it is expensive, buying meals for myself, but I know I am worth it!!! I also make sure I have the time to exercise, if the kids are home from school, I tell them I am exercising at this time, and if you need something, tell me now , because I will not stop what I am doing for you. I think this train of thought has helped me alot with loosing weight.
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Old 11-30-2007, 09:51 AM   #5
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I don't have any kids BUT...

I have a husband who works full time and often more than full time (this week he has been working somewhere around 80 hours)

I have 2 cats and 1 dog. I need to spend time playing with the cats and I need to spend time walking the dog and getting her some activity.

I work full time although in a much less demanding job than my husband but sometimes I do have to work lots of hours.

I really see it as making my family as a whole a priority.

I do grocery shopping for healthy foods for my husband and myself. I try to cook healthy foods for my husband and myself. Beyond walking my dog, which happens every day, I try to get in some other form of exercise in as well, weights and/or elliptical. I see it as me being healthy only helps my family and helps myself. Unfortunately it doesn't always happen because I prefer to have my husband home if I'm exercising, that way he can spend time with the furbabies. Sometimes, especially with leg workouts, I can intermix playing with my dog and doing my workout so I will sometimes do that.

On the weekends, we try to make an effort to run errands, take the dog to the dog park, play with the cats, do laundry, etc. My husband tends to do the dishes and some cleanup which helps a lot. Even after being at work for 12 hours yesterday, he fit in time walking the dog, exercising and doing the dishes.
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Old 11-30-2007, 09:52 AM   #6
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It's hard for me to put myself first, but I do understand how important it is. I have a husband and two children (ages 6 and 2), and they keep me incredibly busy. However, when it comes to my health, it's not only for me, but for them as well.
When I go to workout, that's my time. I go into my room, shut the door, and will not be bothered. I look at it as doing something for myself that will also benefit my family.
In 17 days, I will be hopping on a plane to Las Vegas...without my husband, without my kids; just me and my girlfriends. I feel guilty about it, I've cried about it, but at the same time....I deserve this! More than that, I feel like I NEED it. We cannot be good caretakers of our families if we aren't good caretakers to ourselves and our own needs.
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Old 11-30-2007, 09:54 AM   #7
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Wow Nelie - you really love your pets! They are so lucky to have you as parents!
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Old 11-30-2007, 10:22 AM   #8
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Old 11-30-2007, 11:47 AM   #9
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thats halarious, its now my background
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Old 11-30-2007, 12:03 PM   #10
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Dana, while I agree with what everyone has said, I have to tell you that I think it is one of the hardest things in the world. I have 2 active kids, a husband who owns his own business, a mini-ranch with different animals, and a full time job. I KNOW that I need to make exercise and dieting a priority, but it is still a struggle. I have lowered the bar so much on my standards of a clean house, it is crazy! But, that is where I make the cuts. We keep it somewhat clean, but if it gets a little cluttered sometimes or maybe needs to be vacuumed, I don't sweat it.

However, there are so many other things that can fill that time, it doesn't leave a lot of down time. So, no big tips from me, but do the best you can to give yourself the gift of feeling better and staying healthy. I have altered some of my ideas of "spending time with the kids". Now we go out and work on whatever sport they are working on or we go walking. They have been great about it and actually look forward to our time together. Sometimes we don't eat dinner until 8:00, but we have a lot of fun and get some good exercise.
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Old 11-30-2007, 12:28 PM   #11
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I think I also try and just make myself "just as important" as everyone else. I only have 1 at home, but we both work full time and have 2 animals.

I pamper me by getting my nails done once every 3 weeks. I go to Bunko once a month and I have lunch with a friend once a month and dinner with another once a month.

As far a being healthy, I go to water aerobics twice a week from 6:00 - 6:45. Right smack in the middle of everything, I just go. Sometimes it's really hard to go, but I know that Jacob would rather have me around for many more years and have me gone 2 hours a week.

Food prep doesn't really take away from anything but the TV, so there is no real sacrifice there.
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Old 11-30-2007, 02:25 PM   #12
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I have always put myself dead last, and am just now trying to make myself equal. I have not bought myself clothing beyond the walmart sales rack since I had my daughter almost 6 years ago! I decided not to join the Y because I put the kids in the best gym in our area for gymnastics instead--$90 a month, we can't afford the Y as well. It goes on and on, I just have let myself go to rags while my 2 kids walk around in the expensive clothes, getting about everything they want. I give them all my time, and would stop whatever I was doing whenever they wanted me...but NO MORE!

It is really hard to go from a people server to someone who looks after herself equally...at least for me, it's hard. I sat down a couple nights ago and wrote down a reward package that I will get myself when I reach my goals--10%, 20%, 30%, 40% of starting weight, and then goal weight. At first I couldn't put anything down on the paper, thinking everything I wanted was too expensive to spend on myself. I suddenly decided that it's okay if it's expensive...I am going to work hard for it, and I will deserve it!!!!!! So what if the kids don't get even more clothing that they don't need at that time, I deserve some nice things, too!

So, my reward packages are really something I want now! I left spaces to add to them as I see specific things I'd love to have, printed it out and put it by the bed where I look at it every morning. My first package will have an MP3 player, a pair of jeans and an exercise outfit that fits nicely, walking shoes, a bag and wallet that I want from the mall, and I'll pick a rose bush that reflects this first phase of my journey. I have never gone shopping for myself, and I will probably feel guilty about this, but I'm going to do it! I deserve it!
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Old 11-30-2007, 02:29 PM   #13
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I have 3 kids as well Charbar. My hubby has his own business, in which I keep the books and make appointments, bookings, etc. I have my own small business that I run entirely on my own and now I work at a gym as well. I hear women all the time say that they don't have time to exercise or stand there and cut up vegetables all day and plan, plan, plan. If you want to badly enough and it's IMPORTANT enough, you don't necessarily HAVE the time, you MAKE the time. Periiod.

I don't know if it's that I put myself first, but that I made my HEALTH come first. That now my health/weight IS a top priority. Tippy, tippy TOP. I was terrified I wouldn't be around for my family. What good would I be to any one then? Now that I finally made me/my health, whatever you want to call it, numero uno or at least level with everything else, - I am waaaay better equipped to deal with my entire family, my household, my work, my EVERYTHING. I am way more productive. I get more done now in a typical day now then I did in practically a whole week before my weight loss. No actually much more. Because there were just certain things I could not do prior to changing my life around. I lacked the energy and the stamina. And there were just certain things that I wasn't capable of doing.

I wish I had known years earlier just how much more productive I would be a healthy weight. As good as you think it will be, let me tell you, it's even better. Way better. It's like nothing you can imagine. Same goes as to how much happier I am. The affects of my weight loss has trickled down into each and every area of my life. My family has benefited beyond belief from it.

If it's your family that you're concerned about harming by making yourself a top priority, let me ease your mind this very second. Nothing, absolutely NOTHING could be further from the truth.
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Old 11-30-2007, 02:52 PM   #14
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I think it is about being fluid and flexible. There will be times for mom and there will be times for the kids, but taking the time to make momma happy and healthy will not stop the world from going 'round. My motto (one of many mottos, actually!) is that I can do anything but I cannot do everything. That means that some things have to slide, but that is okay. It really is about setting priorities and making sure our own mental and physical health are considered a priority. It is about being flexible and seizing the chances that come up. It is about planning but also rolling with changes. And, for me, it is different every day. We all have the same number of hours in the day. I have 4 kids, a dh in school FT, and I work FT. Sometimes my house is clean, and sometimes it isn't, but we all have clean underwear and today I am going to vacuum and do laundry. I also went running, cause I really needed to. 45 minutes out of the day for MY health is not too much to ask or expect. I can only be the best ME if I am healthy inside and out.
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Old 11-30-2007, 03:14 PM   #15
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I have been sitting here reading all these posts and thinking. After having 12 kids, 2 husbands, 27 grandchildern Putting myself anywhere in front has been the hartest job I have had in years, but I am doing it slowly but surely, It realy is HARD, just to say No, I will not take you down the shop , or to your friends , find your own way, No, I do not know where your shoes are, go look for them yourself,in years passed I would get up and help do it, but have come to think that they like all family relie on mum, to know everything, and over the years have just become lazy. And I have let them get away with it.
I AM STARTING TO PUT ME FIRST!!!!!
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