ARGHHHH I don't even know where to begin. So, I go to classes full time, I'm a nursing student trying to get my RN. I'll have a yr and a half left after this semester. I work full time as a hostess at a local family owned restaraunt, I have 2 small children, ages almost 4 and 2. Between classes in the mornings, work in the evenings, I try and take the kids to a local park that has a half mile track around it, they get to hang out outside, I get to excersize, but with finals just 2 weeks away, all of my spare time is devoted to studying, when I do get to go walk and jog, the kids whine from the park, or they follow me around the track, crying, "Please dont leave me mommy". First let me say, I have never and will never leave my kids anywhere, alone. But, sheesh, to hear them, you'd think I regularly abandon them at Wal-Mart or something. I already feel guilty enough by missing so much time with them between work and school, but I also know I am almost done with the initial schooling and the RN to MSN program is more or less online or I can even do it through a hospital if its affiliated with a university. If I can just get through this portion without permanently scarring my children, life will be much MUCH better for all of us. However, they're to young to understand that, they still have trouble seeing past their own immediate needs. The last week or so, my food intake has been ridiculous, even though I increased my exersice the previous week in anticipation of Thanksgiving, but thats over, I threw out all of the "bad" leftovers and froze the turkey and ham in 4 oz bags to toss over quick salads and pasta dishes, but the crap food is gone. Basically, I dont really need any help, I just need to vent to people who aren't just women on a diet, but also women with families, obligations, personal expectations and needs. I feel like I am LOSING my mind. I know other women have done the kids/school/work thing and they got through it, but crap, sometimes I just want to duct tape MYSELF to the wall.
You are amazing. I know it! You really are! I remember FT school and FT work and small kids all at once. It is HARD. Really really HARD! I made it through and so will you. I promise you will. Rant away. Cry and kick and scream and feel a bit sorry for yourself if need be. These challenges will pass and you are building an incredible life for you and your children.
My children are 3 and 5, so I know it is so hard sometimes. They just don't understand you are doing all this for them, and it makes it really hard to be the adult that has to deal with all the guilt...just remember we ALL feel guilty as mothers for something, it just comes with the job. you will get through this, look back when the schooling is all over with and you'll feel so proud. That day is coming, just keep your chin up.
August 25: 245 (Mini Goals: 283, 277, 271, 264, 258, 251, 245)
October 31: 199
November 27: 180
January 1: 165
February 15: 150
You are a HERO!!!!! What you are doing is so remarkable. As long as you hug those babies everyday and let them know how special they are to you and they will be just fine. I agree that guilt goes along with motherhood, but believe me they most likely won't even remember these times. Now that my kids are almost grown its funny what they remember about their childhood. Its usually those simple times that we spent together when we really weren't doing much of anything just being together. Hang in there because you are doing all of this for you and your children. They don't realize yet how blessed they are to have such a wonderful mom but believe me they will someday
I can so relate, and I know I'm not the only one here. I too went to school full time and worked when my oldest DD was little. On top of it, my DH is merchant marine and was away at sea for months at a time. Some of that time is just a blur now when I think back on it.
You will get through it. The kids will get older, they will not be permanently scarred, you'll get out of school, and life will become much more sane. You are trying to care of yourself with diet and exercise and that's really great, I didn't give it a second thought (which is how I ended up 245 lbs.). So feel free to come here and vent, we will understand, and if you can sneak in some treats for yourself every now and then (a bubble bath? pedicure?), I hope you will. And when you don't have to feel guilty about missing time with them for school, you will find something else to be guilty about, that's how moms are! They may never appreciate what you are doing for them, but other moms who've been where you are know that you are amazing!
Life's a journey, not a destination.
It's easier to stay on plan than to get back on plan.
I know exactly how you feel. I am in nursing school too. I failed a whole semester because I was working full time trying to raise my 2 daughters and be a wife and still try to have time for myself. I knew that something had to give because I couldnt do it all. So I had to quit my job. Things are REALLY tight right now. I had to give up alot of stuff. But I am so much happier. ANd I know that it will be worth it in the end. Because I knew that I could not go to school and work at the same time. My kids were suffering. And I may not be able to buy them the name brand stuff right now. BUt when I am done I will be able to. I have a little longer than you do. I havent started clinicals yet. But it is still really hard...... GOOD LUCK!!!!
"Being fat is hard. Losing weight is hard. Maintaining weight is hard. Choose your hard."
First, let me say when my mom went back to school to become a nurse, I told all her friends that I didn't want her to go back to school because she needed to stay home with me where she belongs! LOL! I adore adore adore my mother and she's also the reason I know I can do a million things at once (I also work and go to school full-time). So don't worry about your kids, they're fine! They will one day look up to you for all the work you did for them.
However, keeping that in mind - perhaps your sanity could use a break! Is there anyway you can join the Y so that the kids could play with other kids and give you some time to concentrate on yourself? Or is there a way to get in some exercise with your kids? Maybe a video you can pop in at home where the kids can work out with you? Just some ideas so you don't have to hear it from the peanut gallery (your peanuts!).
Last edited by Goddess Jessica : 11-26-2007 at 09:04 PM.
Wow, angihas2, you rock. I don't feel very qualified to say anything else as I have no dependents. But I figure if you can do what you're doing now, I guess you can accomplish anything you set your mind to! Sending you lots of good vibes!
You're awesome Angi! My kids are older than yours, but I remember those times. Keep in mind that they will survive. They will NOT be permanently scarred and when they look back at all you have done, they will be so proud and so inspired by what their Mom did! Kids are very resilient!
Hang in there!! You're doing great!
This time, I'm going to be stronger, I'm not giving in. - Rudimental
Thanks ladies. Some days, its just everything I can do to just stay the course with everything else. I know the weight will come off if I keep pushing at it, school will end, well, at least until I start my RN-MSN program *sigh*, but in the end it will ALL be worth it, they'll not remember a time when mommy wasn't a nurse, but they'll remember that we were always doing something when all their friends remember being parked in front of the tv.