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A selfish complaint

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Old 11-19-2007, 11:06 AM   #1
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Ok, so I just turned 30, I'm feeling pretty good about my body & my dh & are about to move out of the country. So I kind of feel like a good party from our friends is in store.

Instead we are having a Sunday brunch with the whole gang (when did we turn 70?)

For my birthday - barely recognized by anyone. Day after a friend says next weekend all the girls are available to go out for dinner. OK. Today she says no it's at her house so kids can attend. Woohoo - another evening finished at 7:30.

I don't have children because we're struggling with infertility & being around the kids all the time sometimes just rubs it in.

Sorry for the selfish rant but sometimes I just want it to be about ME! And ME wants a PARTY!
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Old 11-19-2007, 11:15 AM   #2
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Why not just tell your friend that you would prefer a kid-free day? You are right - its your birthday and you are the one going away. You deserve to set the time and place of either party!
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Old 11-19-2007, 11:42 AM   #3
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I agree with mod, tell your friend you want a kid free day with the girls.
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Old 11-19-2007, 12:58 PM   #4
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I understand both sides of this. Since I had kids I have slowed down a lot, meaning I don't party and all that because my mindset is different...so it is possibly your friends are not realizing they are throwing a party for YOU, not themselves, and you are in a different place than they are! I would just nicely mention that you want a party, that you want your girls to let loose one last time, apron strings untied! I bet they will love it, but probably just don't realize that's what you want.

Definitely say something...or, think of a place you would like to do the party at, even if it's just your own house, and tell whoever organizes it that you want it there...that gives a good idea what you are expecting. I wouldn't mention the kids, but the place would probably be a no no place for kids...if she says anything about the kids just say you would like an evening with your friends, no kids.

Moving out of the country...exciting! Where are you going?
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Old 11-19-2007, 02:11 PM   #5
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Here's my take...

Your birthday should be about you... and you moving out of the country should be about you as well. What I've found to be the best solution is to throw the party myself. I plan it, I organize it, and I invite who I want... granted if it's an adult only party half of my friends with kids won't come... and sometimes those with kids will bring them anyway.

I can definitely relate to not wanting to be around the kids all of the time. DH and I have tried to have children for 4 years now and most of our family and friends have been incredibly insensitive about it... so much so that after discussing their behavior with them and how it hurts us, there are some we just can't socialize with anymore... but that's another rant for another day.

Good luck and I hope you end up with a wonderful party!
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Old 11-19-2007, 02:46 PM   #6
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Everything everybody said is true. But what is also true is that you've reached an age where friends with kids stop hanging out so much with people who don't have them. People with kids want to spend a lot of time talking about kid stuff, and people without kids tend to start getting sick of hearing about nothing but little Jennifer's ballet recital and sitting there at dinner while your friends call the babysitter for the 45th time and talk about how difficult it is to find somebody you can trust with your kids, etc.

I'd throw my own party but be prepared for the fact that having an adult evening is almost impossible once all your friends start having kids.

On the upside, once you get those kids you want, you're going to act just like them.
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Old 11-19-2007, 03:25 PM   #7
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Robin that's a **** of a post and your right on the money. So you should throw your own party like others have suggested and have it your way, **** it is your birthday. Lifegard, where are you moving to, it sounds so exciting.
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Old 11-19-2007, 03:35 PM   #8
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This isn't really a situation unique to parents vs. nonparents. My husband
(37) has a group of friends that meet fairly regularly (with and without spouses). The age range of people in the group ranges from late 30's to one guy is probably nearing 60. Some of the guys (and a copuple of the gals) still think a night of barhopping and the strip club is still grade A entertainment. Some of the guys would rather sit at someone's house talking or watching, or even playing boardgames. Some think a party doesn't get started until 1:00 am and others want to wrap up the evening before 10:00 pm. It isn't always the childless or oldest couples that want a quiet evening at home.

My husband and I are childless, and my husband used to be a heavy partier.
I'm one of those people who has NEVER enjoyed drinking, bar hopping, or staying out late. When I invite someone out, even if it's in honor of their birthday, I plan it at least partially in accordance with what I enjoy. Yes, it's a gift to them, but if I'm crabby, it isn't much of a gift. Likewise, if someone invites me out to celebrate my birthday unless their plans are something I'm definitely going to hate (I would pass on any party if it started at 1:00 am), I accept graciously and let them throw the party they want to (I figure no one is "owed" any kind of party after age 12). If I wanted a different kind of party I would throw it myself (and wouldn't make the invite until after the other party, or in any way suggest it was meant as the "real" or better party).

Just my take on it.
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Old 11-19-2007, 03:44 PM   #9
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I'm childless and have noticed that there are different types of parents. A lot fall into a completely child-centered life when they have kids, and they simply don't value or understand the need or purely adult time. If they're around other adults, they want to be around other child-centered adults, or at least adults who won't mind the primary focus of the social time being on kids and whatever is left in between for the adults.

Other parents balance their time between kid and adult activities, and will have a more distinct separation between child time, adult time, and mixed child/adult time.

I'm really not a kid person and make no apologies about it. I'm not a wild partier, either. I prefer fun adult activities like dinners out or at home, going to events, etc.

A natural occurrence as we get older is that friends grow and develop in different directions. Some of us go in the same or compatible directions, and others don't. Some of these friendships will die a natural death, or decrease in importance because of it, while others will develop.

It's sometimes sad, but life goes on. If you want an adult sendoff, schedule it and celebrate with those who will make childcare arrangements to attend. And be prepared for your mix of friends to shift around as you head into your 30s.
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Old 11-19-2007, 06:09 PM   #10
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Considering you have both a milestone b'day & are leaving town, I don't think it's selfish to want certain things. How about starting things off at the friend's house with a kid friendly environment, but continuing a more adults only type of celebration later at a different venue? The reason I suggest incorporating the kid friendly bit in the beginning is there's always going to be someone who just can't get a sitter for whatever reason. This way you get to celebrate with all of your friends, but also have a celebration geared towards what you would like?
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Old 11-19-2007, 06:22 PM   #11
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I'm child-less by choice and if I can offer one piece of advice (hey when have i ever stopped at one? hahah) it would be DO NOT ask for the kids to be excluded after its been decided !!!!! eeeeeeek I've seen so many parents FREAK out that they're kids aren't welcome at something -- even if it's just once out of 15 times out!!!! LOL don't do it!!! plan something else the next weekend maybe??
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Old 11-19-2007, 06:24 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BattleAx View Post
I'm childless and have noticed that there are different types of parents. A lot fall into a completely child-centered life when they have kids, and they simply don't value or understand the need or purely adult time. If they're around other adults, they want to be around other child-centered adults, or at least adults who won't mind the primary focus of the social time being on kids and whatever is left in between for the adults.

Other parents balance their time between kid and adult activities, and will have a more distinct separation between child time, adult time, and mixed child/adult time.

I'm really not a kid person and make no apologies about it. I'm not a wild partier, either. I prefer fun adult activities like dinners out or at home, going to events, etc.

A natural occurrence as we get older is that friends grow and develop in different directions. Some of us go in the same or compatible directions, and others don't. Some of these friendships will die a natural death, or decrease in importance because of it, while others will develop.

It's sometimes sad, but life goes on. If you want an adult sendoff, schedule it and celebrate with those who will make childcare arrangements to attend. And be prepared for your mix of friends to shift around as you head into your 30s.
yah, what she said!!!
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Old 11-19-2007, 09:22 PM   #13
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Thank you everyone. I guess part of what bothered me about it is the friend who is organizing I had talked to prior & told her what I wanted. She is the one who is closest to me & knows me best.

Don't get me wrong I get the whole kid thing. I know they do (& should) take over how you live your life. But I also know we all need some balance & it's been over 2 years since we've had a girls' night out at the bar - hardly a heavy partying record. Even at that I don't think we've ever stayed until closing.

I think I will just send out an e-mail this week & let everyone know that if they wish to join me I'm going out dancing afterwards.
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Old 11-19-2007, 09:27 PM   #14
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To answer the questions - I'm move to Costa Rica.
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Old 11-19-2007, 11:13 PM   #15
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Costa Rica?! Cool! Or should I say, hot! Anyways whatever turns out, I hope you have a good time at your party.
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