anyway, I got bad news this morning. My doctor called, my cervical cancer is making a second tour. I'm trying to be strong, i beat it once I'll beat it again but I suppose I'm just really upset. As if that wasn't enough news for today, I then got a frantic call from my best friend, whose brother had a massive nervous breakdown and attempted suicide last night. They are pretty sure that although the drugs he took didn't kill him they have probably turned him into a vegetable for the rest of his life.
I'm at work and I'm trying to hold it together. All part of me wants to do is eat a big bowl of comfort food (something like mac & cheese or mashed potatoes) and drink a bottle of wine, then the other part of me wants to go run 10 miles (cause just maybe I could outrun it all) and then the other part of me just wants to collapse get and get the breakdown over with so I can move on and go back to being tough tomorrow.
I told the boy (well about me at least, no need to tell him about my friends brother), he's being really great so far...but with this being a new relationship I don't want this to scare him away. Cancer tends to do that.
I've just canceled all of my plans this week. I don't feel much like going out. I just want quiet. Anyway, I just needed to put it all out there, my own way of screaming I suppose. Coming here always helps.