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and the hits just keep on coming...

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Old 11-13-2007, 12:38 PM   #1
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Thumbs down and the hits just keep on coming...

anyway, I got bad news this morning. My doctor called, my cervical cancer is making a second tour. I'm trying to be strong, i beat it once I'll beat it again but I suppose I'm just really upset. As if that wasn't enough news for today, I then got a frantic call from my best friend, whose brother had a massive nervous breakdown and attempted suicide last night. They are pretty sure that although the drugs he took didn't kill him they have probably turned him into a vegetable for the rest of his life.

I'm at work and I'm trying to hold it together. All part of me wants to do is eat a big bowl of comfort food (something like mac & cheese or mashed potatoes) and drink a bottle of wine, then the other part of me wants to go run 10 miles (cause just maybe I could outrun it all) and then the other part of me just wants to collapse get and get the breakdown over with so I can move on and go back to being tough tomorrow.
I told the boy (well about me at least, no need to tell him about my friends brother), he's being really great so far...but with this being a new relationship I don't want this to scare him away. Cancer tends to do that.

I've just canceled all of my plans this week. I don't feel much like going out. I just want quiet. Anyway, I just needed to put it all out there, my own way of screaming I suppose. Coming here always helps.
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Old 11-13-2007, 12:44 PM   #2
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NESunshine -

I am inspired and in awe that you haven't taken a headfirst dive into a pile of mac and cheese...that is almost certainly what I would have done in your situation.

Nothing really to say, except and you're in my thoughts. And honestly? My 7 year relationship was tested by fire in the first 3 months...and we did OK. Sometimes people will shock and amaze you with how great they are.

Can you do something indulgent just for you? Maybe book a massage, or go to some fabulous bath supply store and buy yourself all of the ingredients for an amazing bubble bath? Then grab a paperback and read, letting yourself escape from it all for a little bit? Turn the phone off and just be with you for a while.

Lots of love and good thoughts to you.
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Old 11-13-2007, 12:47 PM   #3
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Wow, now that puts things in perspective. I've had what I call "bad days" but I think yours is what can really be called a bad day. I'm sure you are a very strong person, having fought cancer once already. I can't think of anything I can say that might help at all, but I didn't want to view without responding. Scream away, we are listening and feeling some of your pain along with you. You will be in my thoughts and I hope you have a great support system to help you through this.
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Old 11-13-2007, 12:58 PM   #4
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I'm so sorry to hear about what you are facing. I agree with Schmoodle, that it really puts things in perspective. I guess my scale being stuck is minor stuff!

I don't know what to tell you to do. I think that you need to do whatever you want to do at this point. If that means a trip into mac & cheese, then so be it. You can take the next day to be strong.

Keep us all updated. We're here if you need us!
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Old 11-13-2007, 01:15 PM   #5
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Saying prayers for you, Sunshine.
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Old 11-13-2007, 01:19 PM   #6
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Not a lot to say other than god bless. It's an awful lot to deal with but I've read your blog and you seem like a very strong person.

We're always here to listen.
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Old 11-13-2007, 01:22 PM   #7
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go out your way. I"m sorry to hear that, but with the help of dr's you will be able to beat it again. We are all pulling for you.
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Old 11-13-2007, 01:27 PM   #8
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I wish I had words to comfort you. Maybe it'll be enough just to know that someone in Pennsylvania is sending good thoughts, prayers and hugs your way.
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Old 11-13-2007, 01:29 PM   #9
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I'm so sorry.... love and to you.

Good for you for not diving into that mac and cheese! You're tough and inspiring, and you'll definitely be in my thoughts. Keep us updated, okay?

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Old 11-13-2007, 01:52 PM   #10
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good thoughts & wishes coming to you from canada, eh? I think your strong mental fitness will help a lot too - i agree you should indulge yourself with a new book and escape for a few hours if you can

we're all thinking about you!
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:06 PM   #11
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Sending you best wishes, Sunshine... And, I agree with Mandalinn - do something soothing, nurturing and kind for yourself that is not food-related to remind yourself of how far you've come in your program and that nothing, not even Cancer can stop you now!

I spent some time reading your Blog this afternoon and was inspired by your strength and attitude. I also read where you say your mother is fighting breast cancer... I am confident that together, both of you will come through this just fine.

But for the Grace of God...

Please keep us posted and know that so many care.

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Old 11-13-2007, 02:07 PM   #12
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Hi,
I don't have any words of wisdom, just know I am thinking of you.

cheryl
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:13 PM   #13
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Sunshine,
I don't really know what to tell you since clearly you are a much stronger person than I am, considering I'd probably eat 10 bowls of mac n cheese before I started in on the desserts, but know that I will keep you in my thoughts and hope for speedy treatment and for you to get well. You're right, you've beaten it before and you WILL beat it again.
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:13 PM   #14
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I know exactly about the type of bad day you're talking about. If you'd like someone to talk to who has gone through the same thing, just PM me. Otherwise, good job on taking time for yourself. I did this at some point and everyone thought I was really upset and depressed. Well of course I was really upset, but I just needed some time to myself and I definitely felt better afterwards. Enjoy your time to yourself, and don't forget that your friends and family (and 3FC!) are here when you need us.
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Old 11-13-2007, 02:24 PM   #15
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Sending my best support your way, NESunshine.

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