My mother in law called yesterday and asked if she could take my kids out today. My step daughter is 12 and my daughter is 6. well on saturdays my step daughter makes them breakfast. Well today she tells me that she forgot to make breaksfast... She tells me this 15 min before my mother in law is supposed to come. So I had to rush to make them breakfast and they were playing around. So I got so mad..... I told the to SHUT THE F*** UP AND SIT THEIR A$$E$ DOWN AND EAT!!!! I do not cuss. I hate the F word. OMG!!!! How can I talk to my children like that. I was so frusterated..... The look in my daughters eyes. She looked terrified. They just stood their and looked at me..... I started to cry and I told them to go eat and I went in my room and lost it....... I came out before my mother in law got here and I apologized to them..... But saying sorry cant change the way they looked at me..... what kind of mother would tell their kids to shut the f up...... I feel like a horrible person. Now I feel guilty and I want to eat everything in sight.... I am sitting here sobbing because of the guilt but also because I am trying so hard not to eat everything in my kitchen.....
DON'T EAT...remind yourself that will only make you feel WORSE, right? My solution would be to exercise. Even a light walk in circles around the house it helps me think, you can cry while you do that, and exercise really releases something that makes you feel better inside--endorphins I think it is?
Do you have hobbies...I am a writer, so I might write a little story about it and it's like therapy sometimes. Or, get out a journal--now would be a good time to start one--and start writing. Start with how you feel now, what happened, and as you write get into what you are stressed about, what sent you off the handle. There is something about writing things out that goes deeper into your head, things come out you would have never thought about. Figure out what is causing this tension in you...and when they come back have your happy face on. Don't let them see you so upset, let them know things are back to normal and that won't be happening again. But I think you've got to get into yourself and figure out the issue so you can work on it, and be aware of it.
You are not a horrible mother. A horrible mother would say those things and not feel so bad, ya know? We all make our mistakes, big and small, and this is just one of yours. Live and learn from it, but figure out what brought it out of you.
Dek, if you are a horrible mother, then all mothers are horrible. We all do things that we regret later. What you need to remember is that we are HUMAN. I think we all have this idyllic (is that spelled right?) view of what a mother should always be... always under control, no issues, no stress. That isn't reality. That's back to the days of Ozzie and Harriet and Leave it to Beaver (I hope you're old enough to know what I'm talking about!).
Life is stressful!!! Add to it the joys of trying to lose weight and all the mind games that adds to a woman. You slipped up. You apologized. Now you need to move on. Be proactive about it. When your kids come back, talk to them about what happened and apologize again. Tell them that it is not acceptable to talk like that, but also tell the 12 year old that "forgetting" to fix breakfast was also not acceptable. That was her job and she needs to be responsible and do it. Explain that although your reaction was wrong, that you were very frustrated.
I'm not going to bore you with stories of my failings with my kids, but I will tell you that, at ages 13 and 11, they have survived those times when I was more "human" than I was "supermom". It makes us real. They see that we are people, not just a walking, talking mom machine.
You are not a bad mom!!! I think we all ( as mom's) have gone through something like this, and hated ourselves after.
Do not eat because you are angry, you will hate yourself more after. You are worth it.
cheryl
I think you are feeling a lot of pressure to be perfect
I think you feel that you have to live up to someone else's idea of who a perfect Mom is. Well, as others have said here, NONE of us are!
I think, your situation is a tough one that a lot of women face. Having a blended family and trying to get it all to work. Dieting is also very stressful. In fact, it just compounds all of the other feelings that you are feeling.
I have often thought that one reason why I didn't stick to a diet before for very long was that I was trying to do it perfectly. I have to let that go too. I will do my best. My best is probably different than your best but it is MY best and I will do it as well as I can.
You did your best in this situation. Maybe, it didn't fit what you thought a perfect MOM should do but guess what she doesn't exist and she never existed. She was some marketing person's idea of what WOMANHOOD should be back in the 40-50-60s until we got fed up and burned our bras and then said NO MORE!
I think you felt pushed to the edge since you said you never swear. You felt that a "Good Mom sends the kids out with a breakfast". It sounds like they are old enough where they need to take some personal responsibility for feeding themselves. A basic breakfast can be made safely by a child of 8 or older, which I think both of these children were. Later on, when they return and you have had time to think about what you would like to say to them; remind them that part of growing up and growing away from each other as parent-children will do is taking steps towards autonomous behavior and responsibilities.
The girls "let you down" and you were afraid of losing face in front of your mother-in-law, whom I am guessing is from the "old school" of nurturing right up to college graduation. I think there was some hidden people-pleasing underneath some of your rage too. You wanted to please your mother-in-law and "look good" to her and of the self-image that you have of yourself too.
Our culture is hard on us women. The bar is raised every new generation. I think the most important thing you can do, like someone else suggested, is get in touch with all of the feelings that this incident brought up. I think it could end up being one of those "a-ha" moments where you see yourself and how your relate to ours in a very crystal clear way. There is no right or wrong answer here but a couple of parting thoughts: Is this image of who you think you "should" be who you really are? And, is it who you want to continue to be?
I have seen a lot of very frustrated, depressed women who have tried very hard to live up to some perfect ideal image of Womanhood. I have also seen some who are very fullfilled in specific role definitions. It really is up to what YOU want. That is what you are probably facing and can consider in the moments, hours, days to come. Thank you for sharing such a powerful moment in your life. You are good. You are loved.
You are not a bad Mom. Everyone gets stressed out and says things they dont mean. ((HUGS)). Dont eat though, get up and work out to get the frustration and stress out.
Dek, you are not a bad mother. Absolutely not. A bad mum would have let them go out without breakfast. You mentioned that it's the 12 year old's job to get the girls' breakfast on a Saturday - 12 years old is more than old enough to remember to do this one job. Actually, with 6 year olds being what they are, I'm surprised your younger girl wasn't nagging her about breakfast...
Do you think that she could have been testing you? I mean, 15 minutes doesn't leave a lot of time to prepare and eat breakfast and then clean up - even if it's just cereal or toast. Do you think she left it that late to tell you, thinking that you might just skip breakfast and they could talk their gran into grabbing a breakfast at a fast food place or similar. I'm not a parent, but I am a daughter, and at 12 I would've tried something like that. It's a difficult age and maybe she's just starting to test the boundaries a bit...
I have "flown off the handle a few times myself" -- the look the kids give you is scary -- but I think it also teaches them sometimes people lose control of their emotions, that's why we apologize and forgive. I'm sure they are having a nice day with grandma and the guilt you feel far surpasses any damage done. Discuss it again, explain to them why you were so upset and let them know, like everyone else (including them), sometimes are reactions are not appropriate, but they occur anyway.
And, I agree if you were a horrible mother, this would not be bothering you!!
Being a "bad" mother would have been if you had said it, not felt guilty about it, and let it turn into a habit. Obviously you feel guilty about it, which tells me that you are NOT anywhere near a bad mother, and that you simply had a moment where you lost control.
Forgive yourself and your children will forgive you. I am not a mom, but I do live with my own, and we've had a lot of rough times, but I never thought she was a bad mother, not for one second. Sure, she may have yelled sometimes, and she may have made some mistakes, but who doesn't?
You love your children, and they love you. You're not a bad mom, you just made a mistake, and mistakes are forgivable. Just talk to them, maybe even individually since they are both in different age groups, and explain to them why you said what you said, how you feel about it, and why you will not do it again.
Hey, you know what they say--"If hunger is not the problem, then food is not the solution."
It was only breakfast. It was only a mistake. It was not the end of the world. So, maybe you could take a step back and ask yourself what sorts of things are happening in you life right now that have you so stressed out that you would blow up like that.
It was good for you to apologize. That was the right thing to do! Eating isn't going to make anything better, you know that.
But maybe you could use a talk with a close friend or family member, or a member of your church, if you have one, or maybe some professional counseling to help you understand where that behavior came from. It does seem a little over the top...
I thought Pamatga's post was very insightful. There are so many things that I do and don't do that make me feel like a horrible mother. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your mother-in-law, but perhaps you could have relieved the pressure and guilt by simply saying to her when she showed up, "We seem to be running a bit late. Would you like some toast? I so rarely have a chance to chat with you." It's that fake-it-till-you-make-it thing. Good mothers don't always have their houses running perfectly. If it weren't for all of the preconceived notions that we have of wanting to show the world that we're perfect, I think our children would have a calmer, more enjoyable childhood. It's something I need to think about.
And I agree with everyone here. No, you're not a "bad" mother. I would be equally horrified if your experience had happened to me, but I can tell you a few hair-curling stories as well. You're gonna figure this out, and the next time, things will be much better. Plus - you'll have figured out that you don't need to turn to food to deal with your emotions about mistakes that you've made.
Being a "bad" mother would have been if you had said it, not felt guilty about it, and let it turn into a habit.
Xtrisaratops is so right, in my opinion, I agree. You apologized, and that took a lot for you to do that. Be proud of yourself for admitting when you are wrong, because you are a super strong person for doing that.
And if that is true, you are strong enough to stay on your diet.
Thank you everyone so much. I went for a long walk when they were gone. I thought about alot of stuff. Me and my mother in law do not get along and we barely talk. There is alot of tension in the air when we are in the same room together. We say hi and bye and that is about it. And that is only for the kids and my husband... So I think that I was trying to get them done eating before she got here so she didnt have to be here any longer than to put the kids up. I should have just told her that they hadnt eaten yet and let her decide if she wanted to take them out for breakfast or waited a little longer to pick them up.
It goes back to me not wanting to put anyone else out or wanting to ask for any help. Or looking like I dont have everything under control. I need to learn that I can not do everything on my own and no one is going to know what I need or want unless I open my mouth and ask for it.....
I talked to my kids and told them why I was so upset. I apologized again. I told them how much I loved them and I was so sorry if I scared them or hurt their feelings. They gave me a hug and acted like nothing happened..... I guess I was thinking about it more than I should have been.
And I did not eat everything in my house.... I was able to control my emotional eating..... YAY
I talked to my kids and told them why I was so upset. I apologized again. I told them how much I loved them and I was so sorry if I scared them or hurt their feelings. They gave me a hug and acted like nothing happened..... I guess I was thinking about it more than I should have been.
And I did not eat everything in my house.... I was able to control my emotional eating..... YAY
And with that, you successfully made it through...AND you're a great mother.
I am a horrible mother.....
I think you are feeling a lot of pressure to be perfect
And aren't you glad you didn't? 
