Help, I'm falling and I can't get up..(Long meltdown rant)
 

I feel like I am on the verge of reverting back. I have been this whole month. I have managed not to gain but a pound (and it is TOM right now so who freaking knows)...But still. I see myself falling back into the traps... Being so busy at school I don't eat much until the afternoon, and then I am so hungry I give in to my fast food cravings and gorge myself on whatever else I can find around the house that I shouldn't be eating.. Just like I always did to get 224 in the first place. Gluttonous stuffing of the worst foods I could choose.

I am graduating college this year and I am just so busy. I have a full load of classes, as well as a senior exhibit to prepare for, as well as working on my Nursing degree. I have to decide whether or not I want to go on to grad school in art, or finish Nursing school (I start clinicals next semester if I want to). Then I have to worry about finding the money to PAY for more school. I am stressing mentally and financially. I am having family issues to worry about. All this stress makes me turn back to food for comfort and I hate it! I hate what I am doing to my body. I hate that I am screwing up what I worked so hard for. I hate that it's the end of September and I only lost 2 pounds, then gained one back. I hate that I can't make myself get up and goto the gym, even though I love it once I get there. I hate that even though I have lost 40 pounds, I still have 40 more to go. Things were so much easier during the summer. I had no stress or temptation. I could focus 100% on weight loss. Also, now that I have a social life again it makes it even harder because we eat out alot, drink sometimes...you guys know what I am dealing with.

What I love...That I am actually getting compliments on how good I look when I dress up. People used to never notice. I guess I was too fat to look presentable in anything. I love that I FEEL like I look better. I am so much more confident now. I love buying clothes again. I love waking up in the morning and making myself cute. (I used to wear PJ's to class religiously because I just didn't care) I love that I have more energy. I love, on the occasions that I do go to the gym, the fact that I outlast the skinny girls who come in to workout beside me. They come in for 15-20 minutes and they are done, I am there atleast 40.

I just don't know what to do. Someone had suggested I tried maintenance instead of weightloss...But I have been "maintaining" all month. I don't WANT to maintain. I want to LOSE it. I am tired of being unhealthy. Sick and tired of it. That's why I am so infuriated at myself right now. I keep trying to throw all this hard work away. For nothing. For a cheeseburger here...Some fries there.. Burrito's...I am wasting my time and energy because of freaking burrito's.

OK I have vented. This didn't accomplish much but whining, but I have been needing to let it all out for a LONG time.

:hug:
Mary, I am sorry you are having a difficult time, I think you need to stop stressing over things you have no control over, and let yourself believe that you are a great person who has lost so much weight,and I know you can do more. Now I remember being in college , and gaining 20 lbs, because of partying, eating junk. I can only suggest that you need to carry around snacks that are healthy, if you go out , eat first, or try eating the healthiest thing on the menu. Alcohol does make you gain weight, so just remember this.
I am hoping that things work for you and know before long you will be loosing again.
cheryl

I am sorry you have having such a rough time of it.. you've done a great job so far and I know you don't want to quit. This is more of a "fix" than a support comment but someone recommended this to me when I couldn't kick my Applebee's Maple Butter Blondie habit...

Leave ALL your money at home unless you absolutely need to buy something. If you have no cash, no debit card, and no checkbook you can't swing through the Taco Bell driveup when you get stressed. That forces you to make sure that you pack a healthy lunch or snack to get through the day. It gets you more involved with preparing for your day so you are ready when hunger strikes. Being proactive is SO important when being reactive is causing you to make poor choices. Try talking to someone to get your stress under control! AND BTW.. awesome job at the gym!!

^^^ Unfortunately, I live within walking distance from Taco Bell, and when I am in one of those "Reckless, I could care less what I eat" modes, I don't think that would stop me LOL. But I will try that for during the day to make sure I can't go then.

Mary....you are awesome, girl. I'm a nurse and trust me, I'm a lot older than you are and have put on 50 pounds! Gosh....you've LOST 40!!!! That is wonderful. Stop beating yourself up so much. When you start to falter, think of all the great compliments you have been getting.

Ah, I can understand. I'm also in school, but I am taking my classes online. I get so buried in homework, house work, and my kids that it seems so tempting to run down and get a burger for dinner. And you're right, it's easier to focus during the summer.
However....I'm doing what I can to keep myself on track, and I believe that you can as well. Vent away, but hang in there. You've come so far!:hug:

Awww Mary. I'm sorry you're having a hard time. What it sounds like though, is that you have to plan more. I know you may not have the time, but you have to do it. When you don't have a plan it's easier to revert back. Just try to find little ways to cut down time. Like take your lecture notes with you to the gym and read them while you're on whatever machine you use (I'm going to start doing this exactly TODAY). Use the daily planning threads here that a few of the ladies start every morning. If you can, on the weekends, make bulk meals, like a big pot of veggie soup, broccoli, some grilled chicken, etc., and freeze and/or refrigerate them so you can just pull them out and heat the meals during the weekdays, to cut down on prep time.

Hang in there, be strong, and this too shall pass! Good luck!

Hi Mary,

I understand how difficult it is to stay on-plan in the middle of stress. Sounds like you need to start planning ahead. You know your weak times, now, what are you going to do about them? Only you can make the choice to stay on-plan or not to. Life does have a way of getting in our way, but there is always some type of stress in our lives. Your life is very different now than it was a few weeks ago, but "where there's a will, there's a way." You can do this. Plus, don't forget...exercise and eating healthy will help you handle the stress more efficiently. Whatever you do......never ever give up! As long as you keep trying, you will find success. If you give up, you just have to start all over again someday and you'll regret this missed opportunity. Take it from this 43 year old woman who wishes she had gotten it together when she was your age.....do it now....you're so worth it!

Gosh, your post brought back memories. Although I put on a lot of weight when I had kids, there was also a lot that I put on through college. It was such a difficult school and course load that I have to admit to drinking my way through it all. It's amazing I made it at all. We also made poor eating choices, but the most killer part was all the drinking.

I don't know what to tell you except that you need to remain strong through this. I very much wish I would have been smarter about what I was doing to my body and would have stopped the madness way back then.

I think that the best you can do when you are in a funk is to try to make it one day (heck, one hour) at a time. Keep going to the gym and keep trying to make good choices. It is so worth it. You'll get the fire and excitement back and it will be good again!!

I totally understand what your saying. Ive been slipping a little myself lately. I think the idea of taking notes to the gym is a great idea. I often watch tv while doing the exercise bike and it makes the time fly by. Good luck.

Thanks hellokitty. I always goto bed with good intentions to slip some snacks into my purse, but I always forget to grab them in the mornings. I have been trying to make myself get up earlier to atleast eat breakfast, but most mornings I just want to snooze.

oncethin I do try to think of the compliments and how much better I feel, but sometimes it just isn't enough. I consciously make those decisions to eat bad foods, and in the back of my mind there is a voice SCREAMING don't do this. I don't know why I can't just say no.

Cassie thanks for the encouragement. That's what I love about 3FC. There is always going to be somone in a similar situation as yourself that can give you a different perspective on things :hug: back at you, and I hope you can stay on track better than I have LOL.

Kim Renee I made a huuuge pot of soup last weekend and froze most of it..But I have eaten it once since then. It's like when I get in the slumps, nothing can stop me from making poor choices. I had even made a huge mixing bowl full of salad to keep in the refridgerator so I wouldn't have to cut up veggies everytime I wanted a salad, I could just reach in and grab a serving. I ate it all throughout the week, but it didn't stop me from overdoing it later on. I do love the idea of bringing my notes to the gym with me.

GirlyGirlSebas! No way you are 43!! You look way younger than that! I do feel so good when I am totally on plan. I feel great after I exercise, and when I eat right I am not burdened by this guilt.

Slashnl the fact that so many regret not doing it when they were younger is precisely why I feel like I can't fail at this. I don't want to live in regret. I already regret the few years I have been overweight. I want to fix this now why I am still healthy. I don't want to wait until I have high BP, or diabetes to get my butt in gear.

Baileysmomma big :hug: I know we'll find a way to get back up..Sometimes it just seems very hard.

I don't have any great advice at the moment I just want to cheer you on.

:cheer: Rah rah rah! Gooooo Mary! :cheer:

:dust:

I was just looking through this thread. When I read that I practically started crying. And I wish I could explain why but something about that resonates within me.

I feel for you! I have stress too, just in a different way -- no school for this chica. BUT, I totally know why you feel like you CAN'T fail because you are young and you don't want to live in regret. I feel the same way, and I really started realizing it when I came here and everyone is pretty much way older than me, or at least it seems like it. Right now I feel like I have such an incredible chance to make something of my life that I need to do NOW. It really makes me take a step back and be thankful that I'm doing something about it when I'm 21 and not complain that I didn't step up to the plate when I was 14. I don't think I could have ever handled this at 14, and that's a good reason why I never did :P This is really the perfect age to get this straightened out, we're more mature, we have more options available to us and we can do more things, but that also makes it equally bad if we NEGLECT it.

STAY STRONG. This is definitely something that you can do... and even though you aren't at your goal weight yet, you are MUCH better off than you were a few months ago. If it takes you a few years, then it takes you a few years. Above all, just make sure that you do not REGAIN anything, and if you do, don't give up just try something new, just keep working at it! YOU CAN DO THIS!

I 150% understand. I am also a college senior, preparing for grad school, stressed over money, whether i am going to get into grad school, grades, grad school grad school grad school (people keep telling me their horror stories), getting a job after, and honestly although i want to lose this weight it has been pushed to the very end of my list.

There are times when i can make every reason in the world to get the fast food, but none to make something healthy.

No wonder people put on weight during college.....grrr