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Old 08-25-2007, 06:39 PM   #1
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Default Pool parties

Please tell me I'm not the only person who HATES pool parties????

We are invited to a pool party tomorrow. I will not be going in the pool. My kids (5+7) will not go in the pool without me, so they will spent the whole party hanging on me bored because all the kids will be in the pool.

There is no shade around the pool, little seating, and it will be blazing hot tomorrow.

I am so miserable, every year we have to go to this party and I suffer through it. They are close friends and I really do have to go.

Dose anyone else go through this?
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Old 08-25-2007, 07:04 PM   #2
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Wow, that's tough. I can't say I go through this. I highly recommend either not going OR just sucking it up and getting in the pool. I don't think it's fair that your children be sidelined because of your insecurities. That may sound harsh but it's what I really and truly believe. Why do you have to please these "people" who are throwing the party...at the expense of your kids? It really makes me sad to think of them on the side of the pool, broiling in the sun, watching everyone else have fun....

Are those really the memories you want them to have of you when they're grown?
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Old 08-25-2007, 07:46 PM   #3
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I feel your pain. There is a select group of people allowed to see me in a bathing suit. That includes all of my DD's friends, my best friends, and extended family. However, should any of my best friends be having a party with other friends of theirs attending, you will not catch me in a bathing suit. I am fortunate that because of vacations, and having our own pool, my DD, 9 years old, is a swimmer and doesn't require me in the pool with her. That ended when she was 4 years old and wanted to swim with the big kids. If I were you, I would get my kids some swimming lessons, and encourage their independence. They are not babies anymore and should be able to swim without clinging to you. They should be able to not cling to you at all unless they are seriously ill or frightened by something traumatic. I hope you find a better way to deal with this annual problem next year. Maybe next year we will both be thin enough to be comfortable in our bathing suits in public. Good luck!
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Old 08-25-2007, 08:32 PM   #4
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I have to say that I agree with Royals on this one. It isn't fair to your kids that they aren't allowed to swim and play with the other kids because you are insecure. Skip it or swallow your pride and get in.
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Old 08-25-2007, 08:43 PM   #5
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Wow.. I guess you can never have enough guilt about not being able to be the perfect mother.

Thanks for the "support".
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Old 08-25-2007, 08:50 PM   #6
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CrispyMama, you sound a little bitter, and I'm sorry for that. But to look at it from the other posters's standpoint wouldn't you think the same thing? What do you believe will happen if these people see you in a bathing suit?

Maybe you could don something other than a bathing suit? Maybe just a pair of shorts so you can go in up to your waist, or sit on the edge with your feet in the pool? It sounds like not going is not an option so perhaps if you put your brain to it you can come up with a compromise and you (and your kids) can still have a good time. Good luck!
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Old 08-25-2007, 09:27 PM   #7
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I don't think bitter describes how I feel now. Hurt, upset, crying sounds right. I didn't mean for my post to sound bitter, but I was shocked and upset buy the tough love slap.

I am a sensitive person and would probably describe myself as an introvert. Just going to the party is hard for me but I go to support my friend.

I didn't feel like I could talk about this with friends, so I posted on this forum looking for someone who understood how I was feeling.
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Old 08-25-2007, 09:49 PM   #8
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Wow Crispy....sorry you are so upset.

If these people are close friends, then why don't you feel safe getting in the pool around them. You don't need to answer that question here...just ask yourself that question.

I went to a pool party with my DD in June. The other 2 moms and I all got in the pool. None of us are tiny, but we support each other and would never criticize each other about how we look in a suit. If you feel the people at the party are going to look down on you because you don't have a 'perfect bathing suit body', then don't go. If your kids will not swim without you, its not fair to have them there. Or go alone, and take an umbrella. Spend the time socializing and supporting your friend.

I avoided the beach and the pool for 5 years, because I was embarrassed to be seen in a bathing suit. Then I hit the time that I didn't care who saw me. I was swimming so my kids could play, not to be eye candy to some stranger. I wasn't looking to impress anyone, and at the same time...no strangers ever said anything to me. They can think all the crap they want to. If someone says something unkind to you because you are in a bathing suit and they don't think you should be...well...shame on them!

Ultimately it your choice to go be miserable and makes your kids miserable too. Or Not. And there's 2 ways to do the not....swim or stay home. I'm sorry if it hurts your feelings again, but please think of your babies. They want to have fun with mommy....no matter how she looks in a bathing suit. They love you!
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Old 08-25-2007, 09:57 PM   #9
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I'm sorry that you are feeling so down about this. I think that we all have something that we aren't comfortable doing because of our weight. Are you kids able to swim on their own? Or is there a close friend or relative that would be there and be willing to swim with them?

Here's a hug for you. I know you will be able to get through this... wear a lot of sunscreen, drink plenty of water and enjoy the company of your friends.
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Old 08-25-2007, 11:31 PM   #10
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Hugs to you! I also do think if you and your kids go, they really will want to be in the pool. It there anyone you could take with you that would get in with them? How about someone at the party that could get in with them? I think all 3 of you will be so much happier if you could find a way for them to get to swim. Another idea, is there an older child (like a babysitter) you could take that would be with the kids in the pool?

Speaking of swimming, I am really really big on kids learning to swim at an early age! If you have a YMCA nearby that might be a great project for you and your kids this fall/winter. The older they get the more frightened they can be and also honestly as they get older (however even as young as 8ish), they can get very embarrassed if they do not know how to swim. As I am sure you know, it is also a major safety issue, they are all their lives so many times going to be around water and kids from toddlers to teenagers goof around and don't even realize some people don't know how to swim. Then, next year you'll be bathing suit ready and your kids will be like little fish!! Good luck. Also, 1 other idea, just put that suit on, maybe wear a pair of shorts (who cares if you go in with your shorts), stay in the pool, put a towel nearby and as soon as you hop out wrap it around you. You and the kids have FUN!
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Old 08-25-2007, 11:49 PM   #11
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It's late in the season and maybe too late to find one, but I bought a cover up this year that covers from my armpits to mid-calf. It's really lightweight and I've worn it in the water with no problems. I love to swim and decided that my weight wasn't going to keep me from doing so. And I have never had anyone say anything to me about it. I'm way too fat for a halter neck, regular cut swimsuit- no skirt or anything, but I wear it anyways. I swim in just my suit if I'm in the pool at my apartment or with friends/family at the beach. Only wear the coverup if I go to the beach alone. In those circumstances, I swim in Lake Erie in my coverup. It's long and white and frothy so it feels romantic and...well, I don't know, maybe a bit forbidden? like swimming in your clothes, but it's alright.

Hope you find a compramise that allows everyone to have a great time.
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Old 08-26-2007, 12:08 AM   #12
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I can completely understand your feelings on this, CrispyMama. It's very easy to say "just go in the pool", but we all have varying degrees of self-consiousness abour our bodies. Me: I don't wear short sleeves or shorts, let alone a bathing suit (and I'd rather be run over by a truck than wear one in public). It can be 115 degrees outside and I won't do it. Your children are old enough that if they really wanted to go in, they should, but you should not feel guilty because they are feeling clingy. You didn't set that rule, it seems they set it for themselves, even if they are kids. Maybe you can compromise by sitting on the edge of the pool dangling your feet in the water? Also, since they are a year older than last year, maybe they will want to play with the kids rather than hang with you this time!

Good luck! Oh and to answer your question, I HATE pool parties too...
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Old 08-26-2007, 03:40 AM   #13
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CrispyMama, I'm sorry you're upset, but you posted looking for advice and the previous chicks gave you some sound advice.

I never learned how to swim, and now I want to so I'm purchasing a sheer or mesh cover up. Maybe you could find one also. Lane Bryant has some too, I believe.

Good luck!
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Old 08-26-2007, 04:12 AM   #14
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I don't think she was asking for advice for what to do at the party, JellyBelly, she was asking if anyone could identify with her feelings about pool parties. We should all be welcome to express our insecurities without judgement. I think constructive suggestions are an important part of this support process, but she shouldn't be made to feel like she isn't being a good mom for not parading around in a swimsuit in front of non-family members.

Okay, now I'm going to be quiet.
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Old 08-26-2007, 06:47 AM   #15
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C.C. Thank you soooo much!!!

Every year (at this party) I encourage my kids to go in the pool, I'm happy to help them get ready, sit by the pool, whatever...just not go in. They can manage fine in the water without me, but choose not to. I always felt this was their choice. Maybe this year will be different, who knows.

My oldest has always hated the water, including baths, and the younger loves the water but likes to do what the older is doing. So be it. I never expected to be grilled about not sacrificing for their happiness. My kids have a sweet life and if they have a not so fun time today (at a child's birthday party for crying out loud!) they will forget about it 10 minutes after we leave.

But this is a message board in cyber space, maybe not a good place for me (personally) to express my feelings. I did not expect judgment (my fault) and I did get upset, if I over reacted I'm sorry.
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