This probably belongs in the "Chicks in Control" section but I haven't posted there a lot and the 100 lbs forum is more home to me as this is where I've mostly posted.
I don't know where to begin. I just want to begin by saying I am not anorexic or bulimic. Never have been, never will be. My ultimate goal weight is 110 (a healthy 21.5 BMI) and if not healthily achievable, 120 lbs (23.4 BMI). I do have one thing and that is an obsessive compulsive eating disorder. I know all the basics about healthy weight loss: A reasonable calorie range, what's good and what's bad nutrition-wise, regular exercise. I know a reasonable loss is 2 lbs a week (although there are many exceptions as I've seen here). But for some reason that wasn't good enough for me. I wanted a militant control on my eating habits. I wanted to lose more than just 2, 3, or 4 lbs. Maybe 10 lbs a week until I reached goal. And the only way I knew to do that? Starve myself.
I want to again remind that I do not suffer from Anorexia Nervosa. I do not have an unhealthy view of bodies. To me, the most beautiful body is a nice, healthy, curvy one. Perhaps a bit like Tyra Banks when she gained some weight. Many types of bodies are beautiful. But that's how I'd want to be at goal. I don't ever want to be skin and bones.
I guess I was so disgusted with my lack of control I wanted to stop it immediately. And so, for a week I didn't eat anything. Just water. Yes, I lost 10 lbs. Yes, I liked how I was starting to look. But it was all at the cost of my health. During the fifth day, I started having horrible heart burns, despite not eating anything. You know that feeling you get when you swallow a bunch of fries without chewing them enough, no ketchup and no water to wash them down? It feels like they're stuck in the esophagus in the middle of your chest. Imagine that uncomfortable pain times two. That's what I was feeling despite drinking copious amounts of water, at least half a gallon a day.
The worst part was the heart burn and acidic vomit. I never induced these vomits, ever. I would never do that. But I would feel a burp coming on and instead of gas, there's this horrible acid burning my esophagus, the back of my throat and my mouth. It didn't make any sense to me. I'm not eating so why all this acid? I searched the net and apparently, it's quite common when fasting. The hydrochloric acid in stomach builds up with nothing to digest, resulting in heart burns and worse, ulcers.
The whole week, I became a slave to the scale. I would wake up every morning, go straight to the scale and see how much I weighed.
The worst part? Constipation. TMI, sorry. But I need to address this problem of fasting, too. Before the fast, I went every time I ate. If I ate three meals a day, I went three times a day. Imagine going from three times a day to not going for a whole week. And then going today, after a meal. I won't go into too much detail here.
After going through all this misery I decided enough was enough. Yes, I want to lose weight. Yes, I want to feel good. Yes, I want to look good. But I also want to be healthy, dangit! I don't want to die from a horrible ulcer or something. Calorie counting was always a chore for me. But if I have to get myself into the habit of doing it, then I will.
I'm going to lose weight and I'm going to stay healthy while doing it!
I only fasted a week so hopefully my metabolism isn't screwed. My weight today was 233.5 lbs. I will make myself not check again until next Monday. For my own sanity. And if it's anywhere between 1 and 2 lbs, I will be happy.
Um... thanks for listening to my tirade.
I really needed to let this out. There are some places on the Net that sing praises of water fasting and how beneficial it is. Maybe a 2 or 3 day fast, I dunno.
All I know is, I'm never fasting to lose weight again.