I am very frusterated and irritated. I have all the right food, I have a FREE gym membership, I dont work. So you think that I would spend my time at the gym or outside. No, I spend my time in bed or on the couch eating and watching tv. I have very good food and snacks. But when you eat 3 packs of 100 calories doritos, it isnt so good, or when you eat 5 60 calorie fudge bars.
I really dont know what my problem is. I am constantly sabotaging (not sure if the is spelled right) myself. I dont know why. Do I not think that I deserve to be happy or healthy. Do I not think that I am worth it? I have no idea how to get past that.
Everyone tells me that I need to just do it and then it will come naturally. I hear people say that they give themselves pep talks every morning. I have tried that and I feel so stupid. I dont know what to say and I dont believe it so I feel like I am lying to myself when I say that I am worth it and I am pretty, no matter what size I am. Because I dont feel worth it and I dont feel pretty this size.
I dont know. Maybe I am at the size that I am supposed to be at and I should just accept that.
"Being fat is hard. Losing weight it hard. Maintaining weight is hard. Choose your hard."
I think the answer is right there in your signature. Sometimes these little sayings are trite, but I think this one is right on the money. It's just easier to stick with the "hard" you already know than to try it a new way. You know what to expect.
I think it takes a long time before any of this becomes natural. It's not natural to deprive yourself of things you are used to having. Maybe try to ease into changes a little more slowly; perhaps you're just trying to do more than you're ready for right now.
I hope you feel better about yourself. I think you're worth it, and I don't even know you.
You have to believe in yourself, Daphne. To say, "I am always going to be fat" is essentially admitting defeat before you've even begun. When it comes to feeling worth it, I don't know that I felt that at the beginning, but I did come to the realization that I was running out of time. Time that I wasted being fat and sad. And if I wanted a different life, whether I deserved one or not, I had to take control of my life and do something about it. It wasn't like I was saying that I didn't enjoy the eating, the being lazy on the couch, etc. That would have been a lie. But I don't want that life for me anymore. I want a better life and no one was going to knock on my door and give me one. No one was going to staple my lips shut and march me at gunpoint outside to exercise. I had to do that. I could absolutely have stayed on the couch with my crap food and accepted that I was meant to be fat. But I want things out of the rest of my life that I don't see me having if I stayed on that couch. Worth it or not, pretty or not, destined to be fat or not, I had to try. I think your signature says it best, "Being fat is hard. Losing weight it hard. Maintaining weight is hard. Choose your hard." But along with that choice has to come a commitment to doing the work inherent in that choice. It's not fun, it's not comfortable, but it is a choice and it's doable. And I think every person who had lost on this forum will tell you that it was a lot of work, but well worth it.
If you haven't already, do consider talking to a therapist about the unworthiness feelings. It is a warning sign of depression, which is manageable. I know from experience.
Oh one more thing, I am taking time off from my career so we're both not working right now. What I did was decide that losing weight IS my job right now. I will never be so lucky as to have this time to be wholly selfish again. So I've decided I will take advantage of it. Maybe you could try thinking of it that way? And Robin is right, I think you're worth taking care of too.
I dont know. Maybe I am at the size that I am supposed to be at and I should just accept that.
I truly related to your entire post. But the above sentence really stood out for me. I felt EXACTLY that same way. EXACTLY. And I DID accept it for awhile. Then I just got fatter and FATTER. I got more and more inactive. I got more and more MISERABLE. I got more and more afraid. My knees hurt me worse and worse. I got more and more fed up. And then I said, enough is enough. Becase it was ENOUGH. And it was nonsense. "Supposed" to be this way - I think not. I finally realized that if I didn't want to be fat, I didn't have to be. Period. It wasn't enough though to just not want to be fat. I had to be willing to make the effort to not be fat. I had to be willing to make the effort to lose the weight.
I wish I had some magical words to share with you, but the absolute truth of the matter is - if you don't want to be fat, you don't have to be. It does take some effort and it does take some will power and it does take some work - and it is the most worthwhile thing in the world. You need to make the decision that NO MATTER WHAT, you are going to do it. And then don't let anything stand in your way. Formulate a plan, rid your house of ALL junk. Add in healthy, nutritious, low calorie foods. Add in some exercise and movement. Make one day better then the one before. Get into it. Get excited. Get GOING. Times a wasting. The sooner you start this venture, the sooner you will start feeling better about yourself. It's a WONDERFUL cycle.
You're worth it. It's worth it. Good luck.
Last edited by rockinrobin; 08-01-2007 at 10:34 PM.
I am very frusterated and irritated. I have all the right food, I have a FREE gym membership, I dont work. So you think that I would spend my time at the gym or outside. No, I spend my time in bed or on the couch eating and watching tv. I have very good food and snacks. But when you eat 3 packs of 100 calories doritos, it isnt so good, or when you eat 5 60 calorie fudge bars.
I personally feel these 100 calorie snacks are more hurtful than helpful. They still remind you of the foods you are supposed to be giving up. I have gotten rid of all prepackaged snack foods. I eat yogurt, fruit, veggies, nuts, and other naturally healthy foods. Just because it's a lower calorie doesn't make it something your body should be digesting. It sabotages your commitment to a healthy life. This is only my opinion of course.
I really dont know what my problem is. I am constantly sabotaging (not sure if the is spelled right) myself. I dont know why. Do I not think that I deserve to be happy or healthy. Do I not think that I am worth it? I have no idea how to get past that.
I have been studying up on positive thinking and positive speaking. I've learned that just saying the work not is a negative and your brain is hearing that you aren't worth it or that you don't deserve it. Change the way you speak!
Everyone tells me that I need to just do it and then it will come naturally. I hear people say that they give themselves pep talks every morning. I have tried that and I feel so stupid. I dont know what to say and I dont believe it so I feel like I am lying to myself when I say that I am worth it and I am pretty, no matter what size I am. Because I dont feel worth it and I dont feel pretty this size.
It won't come naturally until you do it. It won't come naturally until you commit to it. Go to the library or Google positive speaking and start educating yourself on the benefits. Trust me it will work. I have been doing it and feel that because of it I will really lose my weight this time.
I dont know. Maybe I am at the size that I am supposed to be at and I should just accept that.
Never give up until you are where you want to be!!
dek6, I know this won't sound right, but you really made me laugh. Why? Because I could relate so much. I will buy those 100 calorie packs and binge on them. Alot of good that does, huh? If you eat the whole box in one day thats 600 calories. The part about laying on the couch/bed, I to do that when I should be out walking. I have been feeling the same way as you. I wish I had words of wisdom, I don't just know you are not alone.
Congrats on the 15 pound loss! Have you rewarded yourself? A pedicure, a new whatever. Remember to keep yourself feeling like the special woman you are.
Do you have a goal you're shooting for? That usually gives me a push. Be careful to be reasonable when setting it so you will be able to acheive it in a relatively short time. Right now mine is a 10% loss. The medical community knows that 10% is significant in lowering BP and that sort of thing.
Write down all the good things you do for your family, in the community, at church, etc. and then write down all of the awful things you do to these same people. See you are worth it! I think (as women) we don't often praise our imput as much as we should.
Think hard about these things and come back to vent.
Thank you so much to everyone. I know what I have to do. I start to do it. I get all gung ho about working out and eating healthy and then I see myself losing weight and feeling better and then I just stop. It is almost like I see myself getting to where I want to be and I get afraid and then I stop.
It is a cruel cycle. I get fed up and then I say "this is it". I go to the store and get salad stuff and good for me food, I go to the gym. I do it for a week or two then I stop and I go for a few weeks, then I see myself gaining the weight that I lost over the few weeks that I did good, then I feel horrible because I am tired and have no energy and then I feel even worse about myself and then I eat more and then I get "fed up, again." and the I get gung ho again and I am right where I started a few weeks ago. AAAAHHHH!!!
It scares the **** out of me to think that I am going to be this heavy for the rest of my life. But it also scares the **** out of me to think that I could actually be happy and healthy. I have so many reasons to lose weight and only 1 not to. And being scared can not out weight the pros to losing the weight. I just have to figure out why I am not doing it. I need to dig down deep and be completely honest with myself. About my feelings from my past and me feelings about the future.
I have so many reasons to lose weight and only 1 not to.
Are you sure? Our weight can do a lot of things for us, although in an overall detrimental way. However, if it is only the one reason then what can you do to overcome it? First off, you don't have to be thin to be happy. That starts here. Right now. What scares you about being happy? Do you feel like you don't deserve it? If so, why not?
I honestly used to think I really hated myself and was killing myself slowly with food. I found that this wasn't really the case. I did love myself, I just didn't know how to do it without chocolate and ice cream. I also hid behind my fat for many reasons. I got as heavy as I did because I chose to. It wasn't a good choice, but it was mine. Now I choose to lose. It stems from a deep love of self and a desire to be happy, but as much as possible I am not putting off that happy until tomorrow. I am trying to bring it into my todays.
First of all, I just want to thank you Dek6 for writing this message because I think we can all relate. And thanks to everybody who responded to this post: the comments were all very inspirational!
I agree with everyone. Commitment is the key as well as knowing what you're afraid of. Sometimes, our beliefs stop us even though we think they don't make any sense. When we search deeper, we realize it does make sense. You fear is being slim. Mine was believing that I couldn't lose the weight. Yes, maybe 5 or 10 pounds, or even 15...but I could not imagine me succeeding at weight loss. That's why I always stopped trying after a while. I also tried something else instead of repeating a strategy that was not working for me. It's called intuitive eating. I eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. There's a thread called "intuitive eating no.5". You can find it on this site in the category "general diet plan". I think it's a different way of looking at weight loss. It works for me!
I forgot to add something about positive thinking. I think it's important to begin by telling yourself something you can actually believe. I don't beleive is saying "I'm the most beautiful woman in the world" or "I'm the greatest!!!". I think you can start by saying stuff like "I have qualities such as .... and I know my friends really appreciate me" or "yes I have things I want to work on but it helps myself to realize that I'm unique...there's is no one exactly like me on this planet!".
Well, let's see. What did fat do for me? It protected me. It stood between me and the people who scared me. I was a "woman of substance," not to be trifled with. I was finally a "big girl" and nobody could make me do anything I didn't want to do. If I'm little, I'm physically vulnerable. There's a bumber sticker that says "Fat People are Harder to Kidnap!" In a way, that's reassuring. Nobody can pick me up, I'm harder to physically overpower just because of inertia. Nobody tries. I was never good at "no" because I NEEDED all the "affection" I could get. Much easier if nobody pressures. If I was thin and attractive, what was going to keep me from being a omplete sl*t? The fat are invisible. We slip under people's radar a LOT. That makes it real easy to not be whatever kind of responsible/dconsistent/add-adjective_of_your_choice_here that I didn't want to be without ever getting called on it. This coming out from under the fat is SCARY. But since I'm only doing it in little, unnoticeable increments, I get to lose a little bit, find out nothihng awful happens, then lose a little bit more. It's really not so bad. I HAD to face what fat did for me, before I could begin to let it go. I already knew all the reasons I hated it, but I didn't have a clue why I loved it too.
Oops, not to mention it wrapped my emotions in nice, squishy anaesthitic almost all the time. I didn't really have to feel much of anything if I didn't want to.
I could have written this post fairly recently. Everyone above has some great advice and I want to add one thing on top of that because I THINK its what I was really missing all the other times I lost weight (as much as 50lbs and gained it all back x4 or x5 times!!) and while this isn't everyones issue you sound very similar to me so maybe it will help you.
You sound like you could be carb sensitive. What I mean by this is NOT that you should eat a low carb diet, because in all honesty those are hard to keep up with long term... and you want to do something to lose the weight that you can basically substain for life! People drinking shakes or whatever always gain the weight back because they never really learned how to eat normally.
Anyway about carbs... Empty carbs/sugars are SUCH an enemy! I used to fill up on skinny cows and pudding cups just like you. I couldnt have one... sure those 100 calorie packs sound like a good "healthy" choice but not when you eat 4 of them! The High fructose corn syrups and what not in those treats really mess with your blood sugar. For me they turn off my OFF switch.
I'm not saying you shouldnt have them but be aware how you react when you eat certain foods. If you cant behave with the keep them out of the house for now. Try replacing with whole grains, fruits, veggies...
If you do this in the beginning your going to have a lot easier time being sucessful I think and not falling down because of poor choices because you won't have that hormonal imbalance or blood sugar spike or whatever it does to your brain chemistry!
I do have treats nothing is technically off limits for me but I try to make sure I balance things out so I dont put myself in the "not being able to stop" situation.
Also the TV thing? It does sound a lot like depression. Watching TV andeatting food to numb your feelings. You might want to talk to your primary care doctor if your too scared to goto a psych. I know that when I was put on Wellbutrin and did daily exercise it was a lot easier to go out and face the world and put all this energy into losing weight.
I hope something I said helps. I wish someone would have smacked me in the head and told me these things years ago. maybe I wasn't ready to listen...
I am always going to be fat.....
Have you rewarded yourself? A pedicure, a new whatever. Remember to keep yourself feeling like the special woman you are. 
I think (as women) we don't often praise our imput as much as we should.
