Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: Denver, CO, USA
Trying to come back (Long)
Hi everyone, it has been a long time since I have been here. But the time has come for me to get back on the wagon! I have basically taken almost a full year off. I was having a lot of trouble, so I decided to give myself a break for a while, then I got sick, and I just couldn't shake it, it took about 3 months before I finally got completely better. During that time, I basically did nothing. Then on Sept 8, I started exercising again. I had a couple of great workouts, and I was feeling really positive, I had only gained 3 lbs through all of my slacking, and I felt like I was back. But, then Sept 11 came. I know that it affected everyone, so you can understand how I felt, and still feel. Anger, fear, depression, helplessness. I am an emotional eater, plus I get migraines from stress, so I was pretty much a mess for a while. I tried to at least exercise a few times a week, and at least keep my eating to a sane level (not alway an easy task!) Things fluctuated a lot. I stopped weighing myself, and just tried to hang on. On Nov 28, DH and I went on vacation. We had discussed at length whether we should go at all, and came to the decision that we had to get on with our lives. We flew to Orlando, spent a few days at Disneyworld, then went on the Disney Cruise. It was a great trip, but the stress of trying to get ready to go, plus flying, I pretty much ate non-stop in the weeks up to the trip, and pretty much the same on the trip. But while we were on the trip, several things happened that made me want to get this started again. First off, I was in a lot of pain from all the walking in the parks. That was a new feeling for me, since on our last trip, I never had any problems, but this time I was stiff and sore after the first day. Second, I had to wear a bathing suit, and I was horribly uncomfortable, and I was constantly comparing myself to other women, which I definitely did not like doing. Third, I had my first ever massage, it was very expensive, and I didn't even enjoy it, I was to busy being uncomfortable and feeling guilty about my size. There were a few other things, but these were the main ones that really brought it home to me that I needed to get on the ball! I never want to have to worry if I am the worst looking one in a bathing suit! I want to be comfortable in whatever I wear, doing whatever I want to do! I am, once again, sick of letting my weight affect my life. I have gained at total of 15 lbs back, so I now have 77 lbs to lose. I have done ok with my eating but the Christmas cookies are just killing me! And it seems like everytime I try to start exercising, somthing happens, so I only manage 2-3 days a week, then, last week for example, I threw out my back. So I could barely walk for 3 days, let alone exercise. I know I need to start slower, but it is so frustrating, now that I am paying attention, I can really feel how much strength and conditioning I have lost. I guess my goals for now are to start slowly exercising 4-5 days a week, and to keep my eating in check. I know that after Christmas I will need to really get started on eating much better. At least I still drink my water, 100-128 oz per day!
Anyway, this is long enough for now. Thanks for listening and understanding. It feels good to get this unloaded, and to be back on a much more positive track.