So, I've mentioned before that my husband is severely overweight. The last two weeks he has been having a cramping like pain in his calf (or is it calve? I always get confused) that has been very painful. He is stubborn and didn't want to call the doctor though I think today he is finally going to. I fear it may be some kind of complication from his diabetes (he's on insulin 3xs a day). I try not to ride him about his weight as I am certainly not one to talk, but last night I sent him an email, which he will get at work this morning. I've always been much better in writing than in saying some things out loud, so I just wanted to get your opinion on what I sent to him. I tried very hard not to put him on the defensive because I know how awful that feels.
Chris,
I always think and think about trying to talk to you about your weight, but I never want to put you on the defensive or make you think that your weight has anything to do with how I feel about you, because it doesn't. I don't know what is going on with your leg; it may be a diabetes thing and it may not be a diabetes thing, but what I would be surprised to hear is that is not a weight thing because I think it is.
We both know I have my own weight issues and am trying to confront them and I know that we have talked about you walking or getting some kind of exercise, but though I would gladly do it with you, you have to want to do it. I've thought about calling you at work and asking if you have time to walk, but first off, your schedule at work is insane and secondly, I would prefer for you to call me when you have time because you know your schedule and because it would make me feel like I was not trying to force you to do something you really don't want to do. The one thing I do know from a lifetime of trying to lose weight is that you have to want to do it and it has to be a priority. You have to want to be healthy and no one else can do it for you. I honestly don't think surgery is the answer for you because you love food. ****, so do I! With surgery you are going to have a lifetime of supplements and very small meals. If that is really what you want to do, you know I will not stand in your way. I want you AROUND and however you want to help ensure that happens is fine by me.
I do truly believe that if you would just find some time each day to exercise and watch how much you snack and on what, you would drop down to a healthier weight. It would not happen overnight (though it would happen faster for you than for me because you are male) and you have to look at it as a lifestyle change for LIFE. I know that when I finally get down to a size 16, I will have to work the rest of my life to maintain that, because like you, I will always battle my weight. That is why it has to be a lifestyle change. I have found that I can eat dessert occasionally because I am exercising and I HATE to exercise. I always feel better after I've done it, but I hate the process of getting it done. I simply have taken to treating it as if there is no other alternative. It's like going to work; I just have to exercise. I may not like it, but it has to be done.
I fear all the time that if you keep going down the road you are currently on, that the kids and I will be left alone much earlier than we should be. My plan has always been to grow old with you and it still is, but I really need for you to do your part. At our current weights, neither one of us are living life to the full potential that we could be living it and if food and activity are the only two things standing in our way, isn't it time that we corrected that?
I will do whatever you need me to do, providing you take the lead with what YOU are going to do. I don't want to push you; I'd much rather support you. If it's getting you a trainer or something at a gym, than so be it. We have the money and nothing is more important than your health.
I'm not going to say anymore about it, other than I love you more than anyone else in this world, and I want you around for a long; long time.
I love you,
me